MovieChat Forums > You're Not You (2014) Discussion > Hello..... Hospice anyone?

Hello..... Hospice anyone?

posted 9 years ago by groovyroom
17 replies | jump to latest

I had a dear friend die of ALS and she was surrounded by her family and friends when she passed. AND SHE ALSO HAD HOSPICE! Why would the filmmaker choose to go without hospice? For that horrible death scene at the end? Awful. In reality, especially with all her money, she would have had hospice giving her whatever medication she would need to help her transition be less painful. This film angered me in so many ways. No reality at all. Hilary of course always great as an actress. Emma chewed the scenery too much and Josh as unconvincing as usual.

[–] shannahm54 9 years ago

I told my husband the same thing, no way would she have suffered like that in reality.

[–] icy-toes 9 years ago

I can really see both sides of it. She wanted to die in her own home, on her own terms - period. That's what Bec helped her do.

On the other hand, hospice can be so minimal, it doesn't mean you're hooked up to machines or having round-the-clock nurses. I watched my 18 year old niece die from metastatic osteosarcoma (bone cancer that spreads to the lungs) 4 months ago, also on her terms. She had a nurse who came in once daily - they spent about 30 minutes or so together, discussing how she was doing, adjusting her medications to the best balance of minimizing pain, helping her breathe, and allowing her to still be coherent, talking about what to expect next and how to best cope.

It was awful watching that scene and remembering our last night with her, but I am so thankful that she did not suffer like that.

[–] avertin2006 9 years ago

Its obvious you missed a very big part of the movie and this woman's (Hilary's character) story--she didn't want hospice. She didn't want to die in a hospital, nursing home, or on drugs given to her by hospice. Which is why she forced Emma's character to promise her not to let that happen and made her the health proxy and not any other family member because she knew Emma would do that. Hospice has nothing to do with money, you choose whether or not you want it. If you don't, it's not forced on you/your family. If you wanna die without pain killers, thats your prerogative and very much real life.

[–] groovyroom 9 years ago

Can you please tell where in the film she says she doesn't want hospice or any drugs? Timecode please? Thank you.

[–] avertin2006 9 years ago

I don't know specifically..Kate makes Bec sign her medical rights paperwork (advanced directive?) somewhere around the time her husband cheats I think ...She doesnt expicitly say no hospice but she tells Bec no experimental drugs, nothing to help her condition through the entire movie. So I guess I just inferred it. Hell, she even tells the doctor off when the doctor asks if Bec has been wearing her BiPAP machine at night. If she didn't even want that, what would make you think she'd want hospice or drugs to help the process of death easier?? Plus its just a movie. Take what happens at face value. It happened the way it was supposed to or it would've been done another way.

[–] avertin2006 9 years ago

sorry, I meant to say Kate tells the doctor off when he asks if KATE* has been wearing her BiPAP, not Bec. lol oops.

[–] noordj 9 years ago

She say this when she visit the black woman who is on machines in the hospital,

[–] seonholee 9 years ago

Starting 01:05:16.
Here's another at 00:56:58.
Satisfied?

[–] zendatrim 9 years ago

Hi avertin2006

Not sure why but i did click reply to your post....it hasnt worked.

/////////////////////////////////////

I agree with you totally. She clearly stated when they had made a visit to her friend in hospital she did not WANT to be ventilated.

I loved this movie. I have M.S. and believe me somedays I feel like chucking myself down the stairs. I got exactly how she felt even to the guilt of being ill and spoiling her husbands life.

I loved the interaction between her and Emma and how Emma grew into a really caring adult.

The only thing she had left in her life she could control was how she could die, and she chose to do it her way. I get that and respect that.

Other people have done the same in real life, i know several.

Unless you have been in that situation no one can say how you will deal with your life or your death.

No I loved this film NEVER heard of it before I caught it on Sky. Highly recommend it.

[–] Anabanana21 9 years ago

She said over and over she didn't want to die in a hospital she wanted to be at home. She actually said she wanted to die at home. She didn't want to try the experimental drugs, Emily's character suggested it a multitude of times but Hilary's character didn't want to. She wanted everyone to respect her wishes. If it were me I too would want to die at home. Not in a hospice or hospital how depressing that must be. But in my own bed. Everyone has the right to decide how they want to die. Not all of us get that choice but if you know your going to die you can ask for those types of things. Hence why she gave power of attorney to Emily's character. She knew she would respect her wishes. It was very realistic actually.

<3Every great dream begins with a dreamer<3

[–] Link6321 9 years ago

She didn't choose to do any of those thinks simply because of the kind of person she was. From the get-go, it was already clear Kate didn't want to be "treated like a patient," the very reason why she let go of the nurse who was taking care of her, and the same reason why the reckless Bec got hired as the replacement.

She didn't like being treated as someone who is sick (like during the dinner scene with her friends), because she already knows she is, and being treated that way, to her, only worsens the situation (obviously it's not the same for everyone with ALS). Aside from that, she also didn't like talking about experimental drugs, because to her, it's "false hope." She never said it that way, but when Bec brought it up, she asked her "to not be fake like them."

I think the main thing that made her make these decisions was the fact that she was apparently the kind of person who would feel guilty about having an illness.

[–] rpressley 9 years ago

Maybe she didn't want hospice

[–] gobboling 9 years ago

I have taken care of an ALS patient when I used to do home health care and she was the same as Kate. No hospital, no drugs, no hospice. Why is it so hard to believe? People should be able to die on their own terms and that is what this movie is about. Or weren't you paying attention, "groovyroom"?

[–] beersandshots 9 years ago

Emma chewed the scenery too much

Are you referring to Emma McGill? Having a "production executive" chew on scenery is a new one on me, but how could you tell that it was chewed on too much?

"In a time of universal deceit,
telling the truth is a revolutionary act."
George Orwell

[–] beach_df 9 years ago

My ex-boyfriend's mom passed from ALS a few years ago. From what he told me of how they took care of his mom, this movie is pretty accurate in its depiction. (He has not seen the movie and I don't think he will- too close to home and all that.) So accurate in fact, that I remember what he told me of how he took care of his mom (she had ALS for five or six years) and seeing Bec take care of Kate brought me to tears more than once.

In the last year of her life, yes they had nurses from hospice, as I understand it. That being said, he and his dad had been the primary caregivers for such a long time that they were somewhat accustomed to that role. The nurses gave them guidance [on how to cope with the mom's quick decline in health] and helped when my ex and his dad needed a break from caregiving 24/7. I also remember that during this time, I had asked my sister, who does work as a hospice social worker, about what role hospice plays in situations like this. She said most patients with ALS choose to stop the feeding tube, stop the ventilator or choose to be sedated (in the case of being sedated, she explained that they basically slip into sleep and gradually die in their sleep.)

In the case of my ex's mom? She chose to stop eating and - as I understand it- felt as though that was the best option available to her. She did not want assisted suicide (even though it is legal in the state I live in) and she wanted to be awake enough to converse (through her computer) with her sons and husband before she passed. From what I have been told of her passing by my ex? It was pretty much exactly how Kate's passing in the film was. So as far as hospice and family and all that? Its up to the person with ALS themselves and their family to make decisions as to what is best for each person. The person with ALS deserves peace and if that little bit of control over how they die gives them peace, then who am I to judge?