Talk about diamonds in a turd!

"Sweatshop"


You know the old saying "A diamond in the rough"?
Well in "Sweatshop" we have a slight variation on that...here we have 'A diamond in a stinking, putrid, rotten, maggot filled, slime coated, dead tramp's turd'.

What is the 'diamond' I hear you cry?
Well the diamond is the superb, ultra-gory, twisted, nasty, exceptionally well made, cool-ass death scenes carried out by a groovy killer and his awesome great hammer.
The 'stinking, putrid, rotten, maggot filled, slime coated, dead tramp's turd'...is every single other thing to do with the movie!

A truly obnoxious bunch of utter *beep* that pass for characters (who all seem to be crude, inbred, halfwits if male and arrogant, airhead whores, who think the 'Suicide Girls' website is a guide to life, if female) all acted so badly I wanted to crawl into the TV and strangle the entire cast was bad enough of course.
But when these lumps of gristle in semi-human form start spouting the worst kind of inane dialogue (and very badly post-synch dubbed dialogue at that) for what seemed like an eternity I almost gave up the will to live.
Add to this the crappy cinematography (if that's not to insult the word), the crappy SOV picture quality, the utter lack of any kind of basic logic of any kind whatsoever, the rubbish music and the general incompetence on show all round and "Sweatshop" looks to be heading towards utter damnation.

But then, in the middle of all this complete and utter dross, something miraculous happens...these obnoxious cretins get killed off!
And when they do it's as if a totally different film crew appeared!

Not only does the film suddenly become technically excellent (with great and nasty practical FX with only a smattering of, very well done, CGI) but it becomes fun and imaginative as well.
The killer is a fat mountain of a man sporting a welder's helmet and swinging a hammer that seems to be a huge anvil with a long metal post rammed through it for the handle!
And this Hammer from Hell does, and we are shown, all the damage to a human body you expect it to do the first time you see it.
Add to the mix a couple of (although utterly unexplained) female, sub-human/creature, helpers who scuttle around with nasty-ass teeth and you have something very wonderful indeed.

And yet all this goodness...this shining diamond...is stuck in this fetid *beep* of a movie!
I mean these kills are 'whoop out loud with shocked joy' genius!
Stunningly well done, nasty and just goddamn wonderful.
What a waste!

So watch for 10 minutes to get the (utterly nonsensical given the pre-credit's sequence) basic set-up and then, and I mean this very seriously, scroll through the rest of the film until it looks like a death is about to happen.
And when that death is over...if you value your very soul...carry on winding forward until the next kill.
Because "Sweatshop" has absolutely nothing of any worth whatsoever to offer except for these superb death scenes.
And what they're doing in such a piss-awful film is anyone's guess.



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