So, I'm just now watching this...here's my semi-amusing play-by-play:
SPOILERS!!!
The douchebag husband deserved to get his nose broken in that wreck.
First, only a douchebag would slow down by a hitchhiker and then speed off.
Second, only a douchebag would honk his damn horn at said hitchhiker.
Third, only a douchebag would bring what look to be pressed button-up shirts on his honeymoon in the desert in a vintage car with most likely crappy-to-nonexistant air conditioning.
All of that being said, I'm only 12:46 into it and I gotta grab a beer so it's paused. While I know it won't happen, hopefully the douchebag gets his soon :)
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Aaaaand now they're walking. He's wearing pink pants, for Chrissakes. Yes, some may argue they're magenta, or even red, or some such nonsense, but they're pink. They're pink pants. Dude brought pressed button-up shirts and pink pants on his honeymoon. Cool guy! Hey actually I'm pretty sure that's YOUR husband!
Also, homegirl's sweet headband is pushed up almost to her ponytail by this point. Her presh Urban Outfitters sundress was a good call, what with all this heat! She can feel the breeze on her dumb vagina! Still no sympathy whatsoever for these people. When they were walking on the highway it brought me back to the 'Two A$$holes' sketch (Two Douchebags, yes?) on SNL.
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Hey, she fixed her awesome American Apparel headband - priorities!
'Let's find some water' - So you look in a rusted out Chevy? For water? When there's an obvious dwelling right in front of you? Awesome. You're smart. Smart guy over here! Definitely the guy you want on your team on Survivor!
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Aw, Mama-Anthopologie is worried about their douchebag baby! "We got a little fighter in there" - says the pink-pants-wearing dad who knows this because all the cocaine he's done has filtered through to his swimmers - "THEY'RE TOUGH *beep* PINK PANTS ARE SEXY AND A SIGN OF SELF-CONFIDENCE! I LOOOOOVE HAIR PRODUCT! MY DAD WORKS FOR GOLDMAN SACHS NOW GIVE BIRTH TO MEEEEE!!"
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Oooh the ominous buzzing of flies sound! While Pinkpants is trying to wring water from a stone (basically), Mama-Anthropologie inches closer to the corpse of a dog. Apparently she can't see it from where she is, she has to get within fly-buzzing-sound distance of it. And then closer. And then GAG - shut up, Mama Anthropologie. You're dumb. Or else very far-sighted (I think?) if you have to get that close to see the nasty rotting corpse of a dog and the ominous buzzing of flies didn't warn you off. City girls, geez.
(Sidenote: Aww, poor puppeeeeeee!!!!)
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Aaaand enter The Bad Guy. He reminds me of, like, Michael Rooker in 'Henry,' and Woody Harrelson in basically everything he's been in. Get some eyebrows, homie! Call Xtina if you need to, she'll draw 'em on like a champ! Also yes, he's kinda hot. So, Mama Anthropologie drinks some water, and Pinkpants turns away the whiskey (elitist snob, go back to jerk school, jerk). Then Bad Guy Harrelson puts his hands on Mama Anthropologie's belly and apparently makes magic happen? So now he's Walt Disney? But not racist and anti-semitic, of courses. Duhsies, this guy kills everyone equally.
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Yeah, Pinkpants, go get some firewood with the eyebrowless whiskey-drinking stranger! In the middle of the DESERT with no TREES around! I can't think of a better place to get firewood, smart guy. Then again, you're wearing pink pants and you're a graduate of jerk school, magna cum laude.
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Alright, sh!t's gettin' real. There is, come to find out, wood. Also Clark is a liar. I gotta watch for a few.
P.s. I would probably make out with The Bad Guy. I have horrible taste in men.
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Haha - 'Whassa matta beb?' - Two Douchebags. And also, The Bad Guy saying 'You're a man, right Clark?' Also she's, what, a month preggers? I think she can handle a walk. Ask the Donner party about walking.
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Realy?? http://i55.tinypic.com/a25c28.png
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Yeeeaaaah....Clark's gonna die. Am I wrong for saying GOOD! Can't wait :)
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Alright, The Bad Guy is officially awesome. I'm talking about the one-on-one on the highway. I wanna see that guy in bigger movies, fo realz. Clark is Mr. Blue Rooster, Mr. Man Cave, Mr. Bunganut Pig. - Mr. Douche, basically. I know we aren't supposed to like The Bad Guy but damn, he's better than Clark. By a lot. The Bad Guy is cool as hell.
FACT.
Aaaaaand now comes the creepy religious radio where Mama Anthropologie is - shoot all you want, homegirl, I know you'll make it 'cause you're preggo!
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66:39 - Oh snap, Pinkpants is runnaaaaan! You think he's stripped himself of all societal conceits and is down to his basic primal urge to save his baby?
Nope, he's looking for a dry-cleaner to scrub his pants. You know that's what you're thinking, I'm with ya.
Also: YOWZA. *beep* just got double real..! The Bad Guy isn't so sexy anymore now that he's got Mama Anthropologie held hostage! Weird, like, sex-hostage. Also, how did he just disappear from Pinkpants' car like that?
Magic!!!
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Okaaaaay so maybe Clark has it in him. It must be all the adrenaline from the bachelor party in Vegas two nights ago. I don't know, right now he's just running and looking like Will Arnett.
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73:20 - Whoooooaaaaa Clark grew some balls!
One minute later: OHHH Jesus why are you fondling those industrial clippers?? There's another half an hour left, I don't even...!
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79:57 OOOHHHHH SNAP! Ew.
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Hooooleeeeeee CRAP. I'm gonna have to watch this one again. No spoilers, but this was a great great great movie. Will be watching again next weekend.