1. Always check from the rented movie is there anywhere written or typed name ASYLUM
2. Never fall for fancy Title or more and less fancy cd - cover
3. There should be declared war by UN against Asylum company
4. You can make special effects for a movie with your home PC in 5 minutes
5. All you need for time travelling is Beryllium tube - FFS
6. If you are asked to be sent back million years in the past through a dodgy time machine, don't bother asking more details or think twice. Just accept immediately.
7. If you are attacked by a T-Rex drop your machine gun, and try a stick instead.
8. Where an over armed commando cannot survive 1 hour several nice girls can stay alive several years.
9. Asylum will have some problems convincing Scarlett Johansson or Russell Crowe to figure in one of their next films.
10. You can jump from a hovering helicopter without a support line and from a considerable height and still land on your feet in unnatural-looking CGI style without hurting yourself. It doesn’t matter if it looks utterly ridiculous; a scene like this will still make the final cut, it’s an Asylum project after all...
11. The people behind Asylum must the undisputed masters of marketing. Their movies suck big time, still they always seem to be able to find the investors they need for their next project. It’s like an Uwe Boll movie, only much, much cheaper: When you watch it you wonder how the hell they managed to persuade people to part with their money in order to produce such crap. Maybe they spike the investors’ drinks with drugs during board meetings, or send nasty girls to their hotels rooms in order to ensure their monetary cooperation...
12. Asylum’s special and CGI effects are OK, if you like old-fashioned classic monster movies. The problem is that this is NOT such a movie. There's no nostalgia factor here unlike the old classic monster movies. Even a guy wearing a Godzilla suit and destroying miniature buildings looks more believable than the creatures in this flick.
13. Griff Furst and Uwe Boll should join forces. The resulting suffering would be exquisite. Together they could tear our souls apart. A lifetime of counselling won’t be enough to repair the psychological damage caused by a joint Furst/Boll project...
I know that you are a bad machine. That's why the factory keeps you here. Do you know how I know? I know because I'm from the factory. I make the machines.share
Midnight Express (1978)
"Their movies suck big time, still they always seem to be able to find the investors they need for their next project."
Sadly these Asylum rip offs make money. Blockbuster buys a crapload of their DVDs and they always turn a profit because of it.
>> 12. Asylum’s special and CGI effects are OK, if you like old-fashioned classic monster movies. The problem is that this is NOT such a movie.
Ok??? You have got to be kidding me! Or else you're just being way too kind! Asylum's SFX work is plain horrible by any conceivable standard. In fact, it's laughably bad once you realize that anyone who has even the slightest bit of computer knowledge could generate better effects on their home PC. Seriously, if you worked on 100 MILLION BC as an effects person, you should be SO ashamed of your work that you should actually give back your pay.
And that's compared against other low budget monster movies. But when you add the word "classic" to the phrase...and talk about "old-fashioned classic monster movies" as the previous post did...well, THEN we're in another league entirely. Because if we're talking about a true "classic" monster movie -- say a Harryhausen dinosaur film like BEAST FROM 20,000 FATHOMS -- and then we compare it to 100 MILLION BC, it just makes you want to cry over all the money that was literally flushed away and wasted on making this cinematic turd.
You know what's really amazing? It's amazing to think that simple old style stop motion animation and basic glass painting matte shots...old style techniques dating back to the dawn of movies and done by hand...were far superior to anything seen in this crapfest was done by computer. Seriously, let's agree on one thing -- the SFX work in 100 MILLION BC was genuinely laugh out loud bad.
And I mean "wipe the tears from your eyes from laughing so hard" bad!!!
14. T-rex was actually red!
15. dinosaurs are smart, yet they forgot to turn when you run around corner.
16. it is more tasty for a dinosaur to eat car than 4 people who are actually attacking him.
17.You send your colleagues 100 million years in past, you dont know exact time you sent them, yet you actually catch them in the right time ot of all 1 million for them to save your ass.
18. if you see a t-rex, shoot him, if he take no damage, let him eat you.
19. throwing grenades after a flying dinosaur makes him turn around.
20. they "never leave threw same entrance they enter" yet they live in caves which have 1 entrance.
21. you can teleport in walls.
22. When police are told to block the road, they send 1 car with 3 police officers to do the job.
23. dinosaurs evade tunnels.
24. you may find ufo painted at old caves now.
25. you can determine age of picture of the dinosaur but not the text, except that the text was mean for you.
26. 100 million bc there was paint.
27. other people run obviously faster than those who were running for past 6 years.
28. people from 1950s never gets tired.
29. First thing you test time travel on is your brother.
30. the top secret time machine is kept in simple garage in downtown.
31. it also has no security.
32. Police choppers do not believe in dinosaurs.
33. During night police choppers sit on "day" channel.
34. Alex P. Keaton's dad is a pune hound.
35. "Time travelin' is a bitc_h"
36. The flux capacter isn't the only thing that makes time travel possible.
37. Navy fighter pilots can easily fly through car tunnels.
38. If you are the only person who knows how to work the teleporter when traveling back in time there is no need to train everyone else with how it works. If you die, the rest of the group is stranded in the past. This is perfectly ok and doesn't need to be addressed.
39. Velociraptors don't attack and eat you. They grab you by the shoulder and waltz off screen
40. Even in 2008 special effects can be worse than the black-and-white King Kong movies.
41. Christopher Atkins is desperate for work.
[deleted]
52. If the public keeps renting or buying poor quality films, poor quality films will continue to be made by the Asylum.
share53. Building a time-machine out of principles discovered during the Philadelphia-experiment is no problem. Making one with a timed off-switch however is impossible.
54. They accidentally send a ship 8 hours backwards. Then a group of people a couple of years later was sent back 100 million years. They didn't come back... Further explorations in time-travel was then canceled for 60 years. Apparently there was insufficient interest in time-travel during that time-frame that motivated further experiments.
55. The time-travel-program is manned by two scientists by a control console in an abandoned warehouse.
56. You don't have to exactly press any buttons on the button-less time-machine-remote-thingamajjig... just fiddling around with it for a second or two makes it work.
57. Apparently, the Philadelphia stealth-experiments wheren't entirely fruitless. There do exist the technology to render a helicopter invisible, if only for a frame or two.
58. The feet of great big red carnivorous bipedal dinosaurs generate a pulse of electromagnetism that disrupts the sensors of cameras that happen to record them.
59. It is a common misconception that velociraptors need to make ground-contact in order to move over the ground. In actuality they sort of slides around, not feeling the need to sync up their feet with the earth below them.
60. Military heat-vision systems function by showing a GPS-map and looking out at the surrounding views.
61. There's no such thing as Radar-guided missiles or Laser-guided ones. If they aren't lockable with heat-seekers, there's no way of locking in on them.
62. When asked about Big Red, Big Al replied "Oh, please... can't we talk about someone else, huh? He makes us all look stupid"
63. When your buddy has been snatched by an eagle-shrieking terrosaur, the best thing to do is to throw a grenade in it's general direction.
64. Being in the most elite group of Navy Seals Search & Rescue doesn't necessarily mean that you are experienced with stressful and potentially lethal situations.
65. Yes, 9mm SMG's can sound like a 7.62 mm machine-gun during the right jungle-aucustical and oxygen-situations.
42 - 51 were missing, so thought I'd try.
42. Therapod dinosaurs could have feet as large as an SUV.
43. Jurassic Park's scene in which the T-Rex smashed the SUV could not have happened the way it was filmed. In reality if a T-Rex had placed its foot on the Explorer the kids were in it would have instantly flattened and exploded.
44. A 7-ton+ dinosaur can leap straight up 50 feet or higher.
45. Without thermal imaging police are helpless and incapable of spotting a 60-foot dinosaur tearing up a city.
46. It's imperative that with any alien/dinosaur/demon/monster/whatever invasion at least one woman appear in a tight tank-top with a bare mid-drift.
47. It's easy to live among dinosaurs for 6 years with primitive weapons and get by quite well. However if Navy SEALS arrive with a small arsenal of high-powered weaponry to rescue you you will die horribly within an hour or two.
48. A guy with a bazooka just holds it for appearance's sake. When a giant dinosaur is munching on his comrades and using their small-arms' fire to scratch an itch he will continue to not use said bazooka.
49. Dinosaurs don't bleed.
50. A dinosaur's tongue never moves. If it does, it's rare.
51. In spite of a large therapod being able to down helicopters, crush automobiles, being virtually invincible to conventional arms up to and including M-60s, etc., your best bet for surviving an attack from one is to hide under a desk.
>>>53. Building a time-machine out of principles discovered during the Philadelphia-experiment is no problem. Making one with a timed off-switch however is impossible.<<<
Yeah...there's a factory recall out on that.
“That may be true, but it is also irrelevant.”
"57. Apparently, the Philadelphia stealth-experiments wheren't entirely fruitless. There do exist the technology to render a helicopter invisible, if only for a frame or two."
YES!!! Those two frames are almost single-handedly responsible for the fact that I even remember this movie.
And if anyone else hasn't mentioned it yet...
100. "at ease" now means "atten-hut".
You said :
"20. they "never leave threw same entrance they enter" yet they live in caves which have 1 entrance. "
This however is not true, as it is entirely possible for caves to have multiple entrances.
For example read up on "Artlish River Caves"
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
That a giant red dinosaur rampaging through LA won't even cause minor traffic disruption or even be spotted by any major TV news companies
So if I should die of smallpox put my remains in a snuff box
66. When machine guns will not pierce a dinosaur's thick skin, by all means, use the trusty bow and arrow.
67. Wife beater shirts will last without any rips or tears for six years in violent, dinosaur infested wilderness.
68. Trees are not a good place to land when time traveling.
69. If you write your name on a rock, it will last there for at least 100,000,000 years without any smudging or deterioration.
70. Dinosaurs don't walk, they teleport in small increments to try and simulate a walking motion.
71. If you travel back 100 million years, don't immediately jump into the first body of water that you see.
72. Time travel wormholes look like digitalized blue blobs. If you happen to see one, enter at your own risk.
73. 100 Million BC is not 10,000 BC
74. Time Travel Wormholes make the same sound as Pokeballs.
75. When Veloceraptors see big pointy sticks, they will instinctively teleport-ski towards them and skewer themselves because it gets them off.
76. Giant crocodiles in the past don't have to be able to move to rip you to shreds. They don't even have to be onscreen for more than 2 frames.
77. The planet Earth rotates on an axis but remains stationary in space. That way, a ship sent 8 hours into the past will emerge somewhere else on the surface of the Earth, and not far out in space or deep within the planet. It's basic astrology!
78. The further back you go in time, the less likely you are to change history. So you can go back 100 million years, shoot a few veloceraptors, scribble some hilarious sketches in cave walls and eat a few inconsequential small mammals, and not give a f-ck about altering history.
79. Contrary to what we learned from Timecop, when you meet yourself in the past, you will not explode. In fact, you can tell yourself how to work a time machine and send yourself into the future.
80. When your future self gives you a time machine and tells you to save your friends, do not, under any circumstances, teleport a few centuries into the future, grab a portable ion cannon, then go back to the present and vaporize the dinosaur in a matter of seconds.
81. People teleported from WWII into the Cretacious period for six years talk exactly the same way as people from the present.
82. People who live in the supposedly oxygen-deprived past for six years can return to the 21st century and breathe normally, not suffering from the Bends or hyperventilation in the smallest degree. Also they can run like mof-ckers.
83. Guns are worthless. Spears and bow & arrows are awesome.
84. The proper way to kill a T-rex is to fiddle randomly with the Special Awsome Time Spear and throw it into the T-rex's mouth. Don't worry about losing it though, because another one will appear right in front of you for no reason at all.
85. After you activate the time hole, you can take as long as you want to say goodbye and the wormhole won't expand and consume the universe.
86. If you go back in time and tell yourself how you died, you'll still live out your pitiful destiny like you're supposed to and not tell anyone what's going to happen, ESPECIALLY when unnecessary deaths can be avoided.
87. ALWAYS send the black guy in first.
If you were offended in any way by the preceding post, go make one yourself.
88. If, at any point while watching this movie, you hear a little girl crying, "Kill me!" don't call 911. Odds are it's coming from you.
If you were offended in any way by the preceding post, go make one yourself.
89. People from the 1940s can scale a mountain in no time flat by leaping 10 feet at a time!
90. The trailers before this movie are a cautionary tale. "Watch this movie at your own peril. These are our previous works."
The only difference between lunacy and genius is timing! ~Campbell Bain
91. It will have the virtualy same soundtack by Ralph Rieckermann as the Asylum War of the worlds film had.
92. T Rex in Juraassic Park was a dwarf.
"That gentleman has placed a deposit on this meat.. No.. a monetary deposit hahaha!"
93. A $3 rubber traffic cone can stop a $40,000 Hummer diving backward at full speed.
94. Don't let some weird plant lean back and spit in your face.
95. Women's black cotton panties from the 1940s can last for 6 years.
Terry Thomas
Character Actor and Film Unit Stills Photographer
Atlanta, Georgia USA
www.TerryThomasPhotos.com
www.imdb.com/name/nm1669504/
96. Real rented choppers don't make good film props, get CGI choppers instead.
97. repeating an animation of a dinosaur whoobling his head while people is fleeing makes it more thrilling than making it chase them.
98. Dinosaurs can magically dissappear and reappear while jumping several feet to eat CGI choppers.
93. A $3 rubber traffic cone can stop a $40,000 Hummer diving backward at full speed.
99. Pterosaurs sounded exactly like red tailed hawks.
http://www.rateyourmusic.com/~JrnlofEddieDeezenStudies
100. The makers of this movie should call their moms and inform them that kickboxing during pregnancy is a no-no.
If you were offended in any way by the preceding post, go make one yourself.
Just a few more...
101. Giant dinosaurs didn't require more oxygen than we have now, they did just fine with less.
102. Glasses are useful only for decorating the tip of your nose.
103. This is the worst movie I have ever seen.
104. I will never watch it again.
105. I want my 2 hours back of my life.
MY Forum < http://www.hostingphpbb.com/forum/ >
106. heat-seekers don't work on coldblooded reptiles.
Even if Tyrannosaurus was coldblooded (the jury is still out on this)
coldblooded means it needs the sun to heat up the body. as opposed to warmblooded where you can regulate your body temperature on your own. This means chasing your prey at night becomes possible.
This does not mean the body of the animal in question doesn't generate heat. In fact reptiles are quite warm to the touch. they should have no problem at all picking "Big Red" up with heat-vision.
the emmerich Godzilla movie made the same mistake.
Rubber crocodiles/frogs can resist MP5 gunfire
Guinea Pigs
While the dinosaur is stomping all over LA, it seems like only the people from the 50s, the police, and the military are affected by it. Uh..hello, other people live in LA too. And it seems like there is no public pandemonium, you have a more public feedback in Japan and New York when Godzilla arrived. You think a dinosaur jumping up and down in the streets of LA would be seen by anyone including modern civilians. But noo....everyone else acted as if the dinosaur wasn't there. Even LA traffic was flowing normally with big red loose.
Lastly, where is the press when all this is happening? This is the first disaster film I have seen with the press not having a field day. In fact, there wasn't even a single reporter in the entire movie.
Marie Westbrook wears a thong O_O
Nice.