Life Is Complex

When looking at the reviews of this film, it typically boils down to those who side with Cindy, or those who side with Dean. While Cindy is presented as a pragmatic and driven woman, Dean is shown as an unencumbered and easy-going individual. While we can dismiss Cindy's motives as being materialistic, and Dean's as emotion-based, the true sadness here is the unwillingness for both parties to compromise. This unwillingness to compromise is what contributes to the end of their marriage.

While I initially defended Dean's perspective, and thought Cindy acted out of selfishness, I believe now that the situation is a bit more complex. What we see is that what one marries into is not necessarily the finished product that will persevere throughout the marriage. Cindy was a different person when she married Dean, and she had different priorities. As she grew as an individual, her priorities shifted from those that aligned with the uninhibited style of Dean, to those more practical and focus-driven. Her issue with Dean stemmed from not only his lack of ambition, his lack of growth in his career, and his unrealized potential, but with the fact that he never quite caught on to Cindy's motives. He just couldn't understand why she wanted him to change. Dean's emotional development remained on the same level as it was when they had first met.

We can say that Dean remained true to himself, presented himself as the person he would always be, whereas Cindy led Dean astray. We can argue that Cindy used Dean while she was in a bad place in her life, and never truly appreciated the sacrifice Dean made for her, but this is the complexity of life, isn't it? Life is not symmetrical, and neither are relationships or marriage. Some people will love more than others, and the scales will more often than not be tipped in someone else's favor. With Dean and Cindy, it was Cindy who had the authority and ultimate control. Dean's love was unconditional, while Cindy's was contingent. This is an interesting female-male dynamic, where men are seen as the propelling force and women are seen as the passive one.

I think what Blue Valentine is trying to depict, beyond the complexities of relationships, are the complexities of humans. Both Dean and Cindy are selfish, but that is the human condition, and the current zeitgeist. Dean wanted Cindy to love him despite his growing imperfections, and Cindy expected Dean to become something he never advertised himself as. None of their stances were fair to one another, and of course, this incompatibility is what ultimately caused the marriage to dissolve.

We see two flawed individuals, not too dissimilar to us, and neither of them can be solely blamed for the cleave in their marriage.

I think this film was a great character study, and I hold it in high regard.