I really hope that I don't end up with someone like Cindy. She is the kind of person that would never be happy with anything except a time machine so that she can change her past.
Dean has his faults but never had a chance of making Cindy happy. She would always want what she couldn't have.
Any tips for avoiding inherently unhappy people?
you can know people like those in first meeting have to go through them to avoid them.....
"Sands are overrated, they are just tiny little rocks "
Really get to know the person you are into well before committing to anything
Don't expect the person to change later, dont like what you see, flee and move on.
Don't expect love is enough
Don't expect you will be able to fix all their problems
Then again:
Be aware People change, you cant predict with tarot cards how they are gonna be like in a couple of years time.
"Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed."
Albert Einstein
"I don't want any Commies in my car. No Christians, either."
Cindy would be a delightful wife to a man that deserves her. Myself, I like women who have ambitions. Cindy's mistake was that she married an immature young man with no ambitions who developed a drinking problem.
Cindy would be a perfectly happy person if she were paired with her own kind. That same is true of Dean. They were mismatched, so it didn't work. This same scenario plays out all the time, all over the world.
Cindy struck me as the type who could never be a truly happy person. Something tragic happened to her along the way, or at least that's what I choose to think. If not, then she is merely selfish and lacking in empathy.
shareCindy's lack of happiness had very little to do with Dean's lack of ambition, and a lot to do with Dean's physical degradation (balding and weight gain). She was still attractive, and felt she could do better, so the fact Dean not only looked the way he did, but also made less money than her, meant he just didn't deserve her.
The fact is, even if Dean made more money or had ambition so to speak, their marriage was doomed. It was an excuse to escape, and instead of saying "I'm just not in love with you anymore", she made it a case of immaturity.
Dean wasn't a walk in the park, sure, but again, nothing to do with his salary or lack of ambition.
Any tips? No.
People change. People fall out of love, and lose their attraction. It could happen to anyone, no matter what type of person.
It's not her fault and it just as easily could have happened the other way around.
They were both good people...love is just a rough game.
She was a bïtch. Sure, in theory it could have happened to both of them, but it didn't. The guy loved her. He married her because he loved her, knowing that she was going to have someone else's baby. She only married him to get out of troubles. In theory it could happen to anyone, but she was ridiculous. They only spent like 5 years married! Just because something could happen to anyone, that doesn't mean that Cindy was any less of a bïtch. She definitely wasn't a good person or a good wife.
shareI can think of many adjectives to describe Cindy. "Delightful" is not one of them.
"I don't want any Commies in my car. No Christians, either."
I think the OP is right and Boogie Nights is wrong. Cindy's problems went a lot deeper than simply being married to a guy who didn't share her career goals. She started with deep family issues and chances are she'll never be happy with anyone or anything for an extended period of time, as the OP suggests. Some people are just like that.
shareJust because a woman is unhappy being married to a drunk with no goals in life does not mean she is incapable of being happy. Only a masochist would be happy living in that house.
shareShe didn't try to change anything either. She is absolutely passive. Honestly I don't know why anyone would be attracted to her except that she might be pretty to someone.
share
Another possibility is to not get into relationships, *period*.
Just do your own thing... pick up a musical instrument, start exercising, concentrate on work or learn a trade.
Getting married is a terrible choice for men, since half end in divorce, and they are mostly initiated by the woman.
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Momma don't like tattletales
Finally. Someone had to say it.
shareWell, I think that the fact that you're even concerned about making such a mistake is a good thing, as you're at least aware that the possibility exists to pair up with somebody who is completely wrong for you and who does not love you for who you are.
In spite of what Hollywood tells you, my experience has been that women like Cindy are not the norm. Most women would, I believe, be genuinely happy with a man who shows up for work on time and brings home a regular paycheck, and who is a good and loving father and husband.
My advice for avoiding becoming enmeshed in a marriage to the wrong person would be to always be yourself as much as possible early on when you meet people. Of course, people are always on their best behaviour early on, as you should be, but you can do that and still be true to yourself. Don't let a woman pressure you into living life in a style that is wrong for you. Believe me, if you hook up with a manipulative little monster, she'll test you out early on to make sure that you are nice and pliable before she commits to anything long term. If you resist her, she'll try the standard arsenal of manipulative tactics: nagging, sweet talk, rage, tears etc. However, you must remain true to the things that are important to you, while always being ready to compromise and be reasonable.
Also, for Humanity's sake, don't let a woman's appearance blind you to the type of person that she is.
[quote]Most women would, I believe, be genuinely happy with a man who shows up for work on time and brings home a regular paycheck, and who is a good and loving father and husband. [\quote]
Maybe because so many women do not have even that much. However, I would think this is just the basic wish, not the deluxe version. After all, even animal families have that much, a loving father/husband bringing in some food and loving his family. I believe our existence as human beings has deeper meaning, we are meant to grow and develop, which does not necessarily mean just having money. On this level, he is completely failing her and his child.
It is the function of the father (masculine energy) in the family to provide direction, ambition, sense of justice and sense of doing good. It is the function of the mother (feminine energy) to provide unconditional love and to care for the family. This is wired into us. By being a lousy father and attempting to play a good mother, he is causing a vacuum and forcing her to play his role, which she does not feel comfortable in. It is all wrong, and she feels it deeply. He, on the other hand, is completely clueless.
I think this film depicts a deep problem in our civilization, which is deeper than being good or bad. Men are becoming more like women and women are becoming more like men. It is very difficult to find a good male role model, men tend to be violent idiots or wimpy pussies (excuse the lingo), neither of which is inspiring to a woman or child. As a result, women are forced to play both parts, which they find very difficult and completely unsatisfying.
Bravo! Excellent points!
Emancipation was the mistake that did it all.
shareI can understand your general points if thinking from a conventional point of view. But I think what you describe as a problem is actually an evolution, the fact that men/women roles are overlapping more nowadays. I think it's much too constricting to have a model that each has to fit into, without regard for how each person really is. Can't the father "provide unconditional love" and "care for the family"? Can't the mother "provide direction, ambition", etc? Is it a problem if each person actually acts the way they are inside? Obviously if the couple has mismatched expectations it won't turn out ok, but live with a person for a reasonable amount of time and you'll understand if there's a good future in wait.
shareSure, it is an evolution, but not all evolution has a happy ending. Naturally, many women are able to play father roles, as some men are able to play mother. I understood the movie to be about the dissatisfaction that this will bring about. One could also make a movie about how wonderful and liberated men and women will feel when the sexes merge into one.
shareHumm, could that possibly be sarcasm I detect there...?
I don't think it's about people "being able" to play another role, it's about them naturally being that way. Dean wasn't the conventional father/husband role model. For some women he might have been the perfect person to be with, but Cindy had different expectations.
I can also imagine a movie where a women who wants to escape the traditional housewife model ends up with a husband who it turns out just wants her to stay at home and take care of the children. So, while some wives prefer to concentrate more on bringing up their children, being a housewife, etc, others not so much.
Freedom of the sexes is a great evolution in my opinion.
I was talking about political emancipation.
shareI think you are being slightly too harsh OP. Cindy has daddy issues and never got the love and support needed whilst she was growing up.Cindy is not by nature a self assured person who doesn't care what people think , so her Dad's behavior was always going to have destructive consequences.
I don't think you can call her an inherently unhappy person who loves being miserable (people like this should be avoided as they are toxic)but someone with deep issues she needs to work on.
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Not really her fault though, she was a lost cause because of her horrible upbringing. There are so many unfortunate people like that in this world.
My first husband was similar, he suffered horrific abuse from family members and people in the streets and was attacked many times growing up that it drove him mentally ill but I still loved him and stuck by him for as long as I could. Yes, in the end we seperated because I had about as much as I could take but I've never once regretted being married to him. The only thing I regretted was that I couldn't help him.
Ashmi any question