While Miss Austen Regrets attempts to stay closer to the little we know of Austen from her surviving letters, both films are forced to speculate. As to which gives a truer feel for what Austen was really like, MAR is probably closer than Becoming Jane (the latter also suffers from Anne Hathaway's accent slipping now and then, which is distracting). People of that era were generally supposed to be more reserved, but really, who can be sure?
First, there is this to consider: while she lived, Jane Austen chose to publish anonymously. Quite possibly, this was because writing and then publishing as a woman under her own name would have damaged whatever reputation she did have and thus burdened her family further socially. Had she been willing to publish with her name attached to her work, she might have had more notoriety but also more income. Either she liked her privacy, or she wanted to spare her family the notoriety, maybe both.
Second, yes, many people routinely destroyed their own letters prior to death or instructed others in their wills to destroy them, but there were exceptions -- otherwise we'd know far less about that period than we do. We don't really know how many of her letters Jane herself destroyed, but we do know that of those still in existence when Jane died, 1) her sister Cassandra destroyed most and censored nearly all the rest, and 2) other family members also destroyed most of the correspondence they had from her. Was this to preserve Jane's privacy, or was it because it never occurred to either Jane or her relatives that Jane's letters would be important to future scholars because Jane's books would be far more widely accepted and lauded long after her death than they were when she lived? We don't know, because neither Jane nor her relatives explained themselves on this point. If not for her nephew's memoir, we would know even less about her and what may (or may not) have inspired her work than the little we do.
However, given the comparatively modest reception her books had while she was alive, neither Jane nor her relatives had reason to think that 120 years after her death Austen would be considered one of the great English writers -- or that almost two centuries after her death, her work would still greatly influence popular culture.
As for inspiration, as a writer myself I can tell you this: many of us take our starting points from events or people of our acquaintance, but the starting point is merely that. I've often taken a person, event or circumstance I know, turned it on its side, and twisted it on an angle before I use it in fiction or poetry. I make a more general case of it that way even while describing a specific one -- but the specifics have departed from actual details, even as the departure is used to tell a greater truth. No doubt Austen had more than enough skill and imagination to do the same. So, to the question of whether Austen used imagination or reality for her inspiration, I say both -- and it isn't in an author's interest to tell us how much of either is/was the case.
Which means that both filmmakers, in this case, probably took a wisp of truth about Austen's past and elaborated on their own, to the degree they felt comfortable -- because given the lack of details about her that survive, that was their only recourse.
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