11. When routing from a failed siege, Ottoman infantry tend to stick their foreheads into the wall of the city and to do the slide walk of Michael Jackson set only on a forward motion.
12. Elephants of the Timurids are stronger then AT-AT of Star Wars, they resist everything , even multiple cavalry charges from high armoured knights.
13. Every once in a while, people would gather around in the central plaza and wait to be slaughtered by skirmishers, as a way of heroically defending their city.
14. In Medieval Times, nobody could climb on the top of the highest tower in the castle. All routes leading to the towers are forbidden to friendly infantry. Defenders aren't allow to go up the main platform of the castle.
15. Cannons and bombards and even grand bombards cannot and WILL not attack an ordinary hut or house. They shoot only on walls, towers and on enemies. Apparently, free will for the captain of the artillery crew was a luxury allowed more in ancient times (Rome total war)
16. Once you've ocuppied their land, when they have only ONE city left, they will always say "we are more commited to your doom".
17. Apparently, marriage between muslim brides and catholic men was imposible.
Likewise vice-versa.
18. The lowering bridge of feudal castles was actually, a mith.
19. Afgans suck at figthing.
20. Every once in a while , a bombard would actually HIT it's target.
21. People jump really high when a cannonball trashes their ranks. In unison, even.
22. Your horsemen, in the end of the charge don't hit the enemies with their sabers, instead , they allow their horses to slide-run ,while keeping them glued to the enemies horses. Smart tactic, it allows you to see your units being killed, whitout actually doing anything to the enemy.
23. The enemy will always give up the first line of walls, once you've shatered some towers.
24. Sal-ahu-din was a p ussie.
25. Varangian guardsmen can be routed by peasants.
26. Once on the mainland, aztecs cannot learn to ride a horse, nore shoot a gun.
27. El Cid doesn't want your money.
28. Once settled in a land, if you are an african power ( Moors) your genes do not alter the bloodline, the natives remain as blond as they where when you conquered them.
29. Time passes really, really, really slow.
30. With the invention of gunpowder, time continues to pass really, really, really slow.
31. Once in a while, a spy would use a bush to infiltrate a city.
32. Mariage-alliances don't last. NEVER.
33. The Pope can be a valliant man-of-arms.
34. Some merchants become world economic powers.
35. Diplomacy never works when you ask for the peacefull surrendered of a besieged city. You also aren't allow to give conditions ( men, women and children will be left unharmed etc. etc.). Nobody wants to make peace with you.
36. Protectorates were unheard of in the Middle Ages. Suggesting this to a princess is a good way of starting a war.
37. When they invade, the Timurids actually don't move from the steppes for decades to come.
38. The Turks named all Muslim enemies "infidels"...
39. Aparently, the Mongols where islamic. I thought they where shamanistic.
40. Danes will always fight you, no matter what.
41. Cavalry loves to charge pikes.
42. The English don't need gunpowder . They have long bowmen.
43. No country wants to be your ally if you conquer too much.
44. No matter who huge your empire is, there would always be a tiny faction that would threaten to "crush you".
45. If you build a Sacrificial Aztec Pyramide in the middle of an European town, it quickly becomes invisible.
46. Buildings sabotaged on the campaign map can be ok on the battle map.
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Comitatenses
17 years ago
47. Contrary to what historians say, the Romans actually discovered America. They left a colony of peasants in places like Cuba. These Romans later interbred with natives and their descendants became the "Native Archers" that the Europeans would slaughter centuries later.
48. Centuries after the Roman discovery of America (sometime between the 7th century and 1080), a group of Muslims landed in modern day Mexico. These Muslims built cities and had a triving culture. Then during the 13th century, nomads from a place called Aztlán settled in the said cities and interbred with the Muslims. In time their descendants became the people known as the Aztecs. And this explains why the Aztecs sound like Muslims (they have a similar accent with the Islamic Mongols and Timurids) and why the Europeans (and Old World Muslims) encountered Muslim cities during their conquest of America.
49. Despite their discovery of America, Muslims can only get ships that are at least slightly better than a log raft.
50. The scene in Braveheart where Highland pikes stop a cavalry charge was actually impossible to do in Medieval times (until patch 1.2 came along).
51. Once someone was enlisted to a cavalry unit, it was impossible for that person to GET OFF his horse in a battle. Infantry meanwhile can never GET ON a horse in a battle.
52. All heretics were ex-christians.
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neamtzu_rau
17 years ago
53. When their riders are killed, all horses die just the same.
54. All killed horses on the battlefield will land on the same side of their bodies.
55. A cavalry charge always stops in it's tracks in the second row of enemy infantry. After this, the cavalry gets slaughtered quite easy, by lower quality militia.
56. Non-armoured militia units can hold off and even rout full armoured knights.
57. All horses in medieval times , would get on their behind legs and shriek before dieing.
58. Nobody could ever capture an enemy bombard or catapult. Except , the soldiers seem quite fond of destroying such things, even though they look and function in similar manner in all armies.
59. ALL CAPTURED ENEMIES LAND ON THEIR BACK. NEVER ON THEIR BELLY.
60. You cannot make peace with a small faction like Hungary , but sometimes the Big Ones like Russia and Ottoman Empire, even tough you're miles away from them, will accept to be your best friend.
61. All of your allies will eventually betray you. In stupid, transparent manner. Like conquering an insignificant city at the border of your empire, then
they become "more commited to your doom" then ever before.
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bcritch4
16 years ago
62. European princesses are sluts. Always with a secret love or a stalker. Tsk Tsk... Maybe they are secretly the dancer for my assassin? :S
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hardhaus
16 years ago
63. European princesses were always born butt ugly, but got a little prettier if they wandered the land acting as diplomats.
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soue37-1
16 years ago
64. Nearly all medieval soldiers would stand in very disciplined columns while stationary, but when they were asked to advance they'd spin round, bump into each other and run back and forth.
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bcritch4
16 years ago
65. Gunpowder smoke evaporates
66. There are no muslim women, just rumours that they exist... kids just spring out of the desert
67. The yucutan peninsula is huge compared to the southern US
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16 years ago
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neamtzu_rau
16 years ago
71. When routed and inside a city, not all soldiers find the exit. They sometimes run with their foreheads pressed against a wall,near the gate of the city.
72. When bombarded with nafta, flaming arrows, bombard flaming charges, rocks, rotting cow carcasses, an enemy army will stand and take it all, bravely.
73. No ally will ever miss a chance of blockading an obscure port, at the near end of your empire's dominion.
74. Creative Assembly doesn't read much imdb.
75. Sometimes, light cavalry units like the spanish Jinete, will resist a force of 40 Gothic Knights.
76. If on very hard difficulty , your men are always dumber than the enemies, they fight weaker and die faster.
77. It is possible to like kill the King of the other faction, when he single handedly charges 38 armed archers...
78. Conquering all doesn't make your neighbors tremble before your wrath. It actually forces them to attack you, no matter how small their countries are.
79. French and Polish have some of the most annoying medieval accents ever.
80. England does squat but conquering the Scots and beating up the French. When going against Spain, she gets tired eventually.
81. No foreign power will EVER embark on english turf after the Normands.
82. In Medieval Times, there are no Counts, Earls or Barons. NO TITLE OF NOBILITY ACCEPTED . you can only be a nephew to the king or his son-in-law, no more, no less.
83. Somehow, Mongols never have the intention of wiping Europe clean. They seem to love being stationary, after the much awaited invasion is announced.
84. The first catapult/ trebushet flaming shot is usually the one that gets your general.
85. Aztecs cannot learn to ride horses.
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shockabsorber
15 years ago
86. The World Is Round
87. Failing at something makes you worse at it in future. (Rather than learning from your mistake)
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I've come to warn you! In three million years, you'll be dead!
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weston_159
13 years ago
88. The College of Cardinals can be made up of only one faction.
89. Scotland doesn't believe in training anything resembling an army after taking Inverness.
90. Ireland wasn't a nation of peoples and they only had one town on the whole island
91. Maddox was correct about the French
92. Aztecz don't believe in fairy tales such as merchants, diplomats, or princesses.
93. Aztecs could run down cavalry on open ground
94. Gunpowder wasn't one of the most significant changes to warfare in history
95. After the fall of the Western Roman Empire things like: organization, advanced tactics, and using shields to block arrows were completely forgotten by military tacticians
96. Roman Legions (post Marian reforms but pre-Constatine reforms) could have crushed Medieval Europe's armies without even trying.
97. The Popes seem to usually be women in disguise.
98. Venice discovered America
99. The goal of a crusade was only ever to take one city every 5 years or so and not actually to take the whole of the Holy Land
100. Take over a country's cities and they want to be your best friend, gift an ally 100,000 gold and they will attack you for your kindness.
101. Military Tacticians of the time may have been a bit slow in the head.
102. The inquisitors can wreck your family tree in a hurry.
103. If your Nation gets Excommunicated simply assassinate the Pope and the next one will forgive you.
104. The Holy Roman Empire doesn't deserve to use the term "Roman Empire" in its name
105. If you were an Orthodox Christian nation EVERYONE hated you
106. Damn the Roman Empire for falling and leaving us with these sub-par military units
107. The worst faction in Rome:Total War could beat the best factions of this game.
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