It seems that when Ellie lost her ability to conceive naturally, they just gave up on having a child altogether even though they really wanted one. Obviously fertility treatments didn't exist back then, but I'm pretty sure there were still plenty of kids in need of adoption. They didn't have to be all sad and alone. Just saying.
shareBecause they didn't want to... ?
shareI've been saying that since I first saw this!!! Why go through the rest of your life yearning for a child and never giving a child in need a good home. If I couldn't have kids, you bet your a$$ I'd adopt!
shareDo you have $40,000? That's the average cost of adopting a child in the US today - and it was even more expensive 50+ years ago, which is when they would've been looking into it. Carl and Ellie certainly didn't have that kind of savings.
"Why is it that every time I need to get somewhere I get waylaid by jackassery?"
Do you have $40,000? That's the average cost of adopting a child in the US today - and it was even more expensive 50+ years ago, which is when they would've been looking into it. Carl and Ellie certainly didn't have that kind of savings.
choke on your lies
shareThis is honestly one of my biggest peeves with regard to infertility. People seem to think you can "just adopt" as if it's like going to the market to buy milk.
Adoption is an enormously expensive, time consuming and often heart breaking process. For many people it is worth it, but for others it just isn't. I know that's hard for people with kids (or with the ability to conceive children relatively worry free) to believe since they would give up anything for their child(ren), but when you've already had your heart shattered multiple times, your bank account drained, and been poked and prodded by seemingly countless doctors, it can be more than you can take. Having strangers dissect your home, finances, life and extended family, going through the very, very real risk of having an adoption lined up, or worse having the child in your home for a while, just to have the biological family change their minds and take the child back. It can all just be too much to risk. And sometimes your heart has been so destroyed by all the years of not getting pregnant, losing pregnancies, by the illness to blame for the infertility (it's not always known, but for some infertility is caused by an illness that affects other systems. And for some, it's not that they can't conceive, it's that their bodies are damaged in some other way so that it makes getting pregnant exceedingly dangerous or fatal), and/or by going through the grieving process. A lot of people seem to forget, or just not realize, that for many you must grieve your fertility. Grieve the life and future you thought you were going to have. It can take years to go through that process and to accept that you will not be able to have children. Sometimes it takes so long that your age become a major mark against you when those agencies come to dissect your life if you do decide to adopt.
Being infertile alone can also be a mark against you. The myth of "well, just adopt a kid! If you adopt a kid and give up on having any of your own, then you relax and end up getting pregnant!" is so pervasive that agencies are often worried that infertile couples are adopting only because they think it will lead to their own biological children, and will then cast the adopted child aside and treat him/her as inferior.
There's the added issue that back when Carl and Ellie would have been planning on having children, there was a large social stigma against adopting. Adopted kids were seen as lesser and as not yours. Because of this there were fewer venues to persue for adopting. If you did persue it, one venue telling you "no" would likely mean the few others would tell you no. And as was mentioned above it was even more expensive back then than it is now, which is saying something. If you persue adoption and pay the fees and maybe even foster a child for a while or have one placed with you, then you are turned down or the child taken from you (even through no fault of your own) the money is lost. It's gone. Imagine how long it would take you to save up $50,000 then imagine gambling it on a "game" that could very likely cost you every ounce of your confidence, heart and will tax almost every relationship you have, especially the one with your spouse, and, of course, will cost most, if not every penny, of that $50k, whether you win or lose. Then, when you lose, most those you love will attempt to console you by telling you "Don't worry, you can try again."
So, basically, there are TONS of reasons Carl and Ellie would have wound up not adopting. And, frankly, part of the point of the movie is that they were able to find happiness, contentedness, joy and purpose in their lives despite the hardships that infertility, and life in general, can bring.
Well said, AniMartin. It blows my mind how insensitive people can be about adoption in general.
"Why is it that every time I need to get somewhere I get waylaid by jackassery?"
I suppose some of the posts come across as insensitive, but the original poster does not come across that way...at least to me. If one has not gone through it or observed close friends/family go through it, how could one know and understand the emotional costs? It's not something you can just go to school and learn, like geometry. I have recently observed close friends go through the process and indeed, my 60+-yr old eyes were opened as to how much it takes out of someone to attempt it. I always suspected it was difficult but really had no first-hand knowledge.
I guess someone could research how much it might cost, but even then, I'm not sure you could get the full picture. There are lots of costs. For example, if a couple has fertility problems, often they'll go through a lot of medical processes to try to have their own child. As I understand it, this can be VERY costly. So their savings might be gone or they might be in debt after that. Then they start the costs of adopting. The govt has standards the couple must meet and it might mean renovating their home, for example, to make it suitable for children. These ancillary costs might not be included when someone looks up how much it costs to adopt.
So hopefully this can be an opportunity to educate others that have a genuine question about why even a fictitious couple might not adopt.
my god its full of stars
*Stands up and applauds*
Well said. A good friend of mine is working on adopting and relying on fundraisers to make it happen. It is a very expensive and heart wrenching process . Infertility is heartbreaking enough on its own, sometimes even trying to adopt can be even more painful.
Thank you! What a well thought out and educational post. I had no idea some of the pit-falls/heart-breaks associated with adoption. Seeing as I'm single and not looking to have kids at the moment and have never really thought of adopting myself, I simply didn't know a lot of the things you mention in your post. I never really though about how insensitive a comment like this could seem until now.
This is my signature.
Thank you! Beautifully written. It is so hard when people don't understand. Thank you for explaining it to those who don't know or understand what it is like.
shareI don't really understand the whole 'genetic' aspects to it... I'm all for adoption.. but I can understand not wanting to dish out $10,000+ just to go through the process. I probably won't adopt any US child for that reason... not paying that much that's silly just the principle of the matter.
So a deadbeat in the ghetto gets paid by the government to pump out kids, welfare, tax writeoffs, food stamps, medicaid, meanwhile being a dysfunctional mother snorting cocaine but a hard working honest person has to pay out the ass because our society has pedo-phobia and thinks everyone is out to harm children and needs three inches thick of paperwork just to 'go through the process' to approve the whole thing. Messed up.
What's this rejected dud talk? Equally stupid. A young person doesn't have the maturity to raise a kid, and that makes them genetically inferior or some reject? Ridiculous. You probably dehumanize and treat animals poorly too with that attitude.
Is this the case? My understanding is that it only cost money to adopt a child through private agencies, which people often do because they want children with specific characteristics or can't go through public/government agencies.
I think when most people think of adoption, they think public agencies/adoption out of foster case. Which I believe incurs little to no cost, if not producing income.
I think when most people think of adoption, they think public agencies/adoption out of foster case. Which I believe incurs little to no cost, if not producing income.
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Because they found other meanings in life.
shareSome people just don't want to adopt. I know a woman who has fertility issues and what she wants is to get pregnant, carry a baby, give birth and raise her child. That is the only way she wants to do it. If it doesn't happen that way, then she isn't going to be a mother. That's just the way she feels.
Personally, I feel completely the opposite to her. I've never really wanted to have 'my own' children, but want to adopt. And I might feel differently to her, but I respect her feelings. Everyone is different.
Bet your life there's something killing you
Because of PLOT. Deal with it.
shareAGREED! It was stupid they didn't even think of it. They wanted kids at first, (made a nursery etc) so they would have had the money for one anyway so shut up everyone who is complaining about the costs, they were already buying stuff for a child!
shareSome people simply don't want to adopt as they want their own children. It's not a decision that comes as standard by people that can't have children of their own. It's just one of those life choices. And yeah, there is the money aspect too.
shareAdopting is really expensive. Carl was just a balloon salesman who made enough to live, but he could never afford to take Ellie to travel until it was too late.
Me fail English? But, that's unpossible.
http://www.store.fredjung.com
Uh, there's a very big gap between fitting out a nursery and the financial costs of adoption. Like, a HUGE gap. Believe me, I know. I'm going through it now.
Plus nobody ever JUST adopts. If only it were so simple to JUST adopt. My Godmthere would hardly be any children TO adopt! (Ok maybe not, but there would be a lot fewer children needing good homes, and a lot more families instead of childless couples!).
It's a gut wrenching experience and anone who says otherwise is full of sheet and not at all informed about it.
JUST SAYIN'.
Buying STUFF for a child is not the 'cost' everyone is talking about so telling them to shut up is very rude.
The adoption process itself takes a LOT of time and money, more than buying some 'stuff'.
What came first, the music or the misery?