then get mad when Werner berated her for the affair? She seemed very naive to think Werner would not be mad. "Oh, you are being so mean to me". She never took personal responsibility for the pain she caused.
" Benny, you silly great fat article"
She confessed because she hated living with the deceit between them. It was a selfish thing to do, but not uncommon. But he was verbally abusive to her, and he didn't have to be. He was mean. Her behavior doesn't excuse his behavior.
I think you meant to say "her deceit" rather than "the deceit between them".
If she really thought it was a passing phase she should have kept the pain of guilt to herself and not pour it on him. If she thought it was 'real' she shouldn't have asked him to help her through this. What was she expecting him to do? It wasn't as if he should have seen it coming. If he'd been abusive or inattentive she could have rationalized her action but that didn't seem to be the case.
As for his outburst - it happened only at the very first - he seemed to be more than gracious at the party and when she came to bid farewell.
I felt bad for both of them.
Here's a snippet from an interview with director Andreas Dresen, which might help to understand:
Question:
Why shouldn't she just enjoy it? Why shouldn't everyone just have a nice time and not pull anyone's feet off the ground with a certain truth after 30 years together?
Andreas Dresen:
"An attitude like that is quite pracmatical. Inge is really loving her Werner. This results in her having to tell him the truth. This is the biggest proof of respect she can show to him, she really is respecting him in this moment. Of course she is not being rewarded for it. I'm admiring her for this honesty. I don't know if I would be able to it."
Still, I personally think it's selfish and stupid...