She didn’t cheat anyone,
She cheats Carolyn every time she sneaks into bed with her husband yes. She has no business in that bed with him. Nor he in bed with her. They BOTH Cheat Carolyn equally. There's no logical reason to exclude her when shes right there in bed with him. They both know he's married and they both choose to climb into bed and do sleazy things together.
She doesn’t owe Carolyn anything.
She owes Carolyn RESPECT. Everyone owes a person respect for goodness sakes. Hell I hold doors for perfect strangers every day. I RESPECT people enough NOT to crap on their lives, homes, or their families.
Infidelity is at the very least, an act of disrespect. As I said before, its not unlike a practical joke: hanging a kick me sign on someone's back and giggling away until they discover it.
And like a lot of practical jokes, only the two people hanging the sign on her back are laughing. Everyone else is pretty disgusted.
She’s not the one committed to Carolyn
They both owe Carolyn enough respect that they don't crap on her marriage, home, and family in secret. People go to jail for less obnoxious things than that.
Carolyn is not asking a lot here. She really just wants Emelia to LEAVE her MARRIAGE ALONE. But, Jacks' an ass and Emelia's no better. They both disrespect Carolyn and crap all over years of work in secret.
She’s not responsible for his marriage,
Never said she was. But she IS PARTLY responsible for its demise when she involves herself with Jack, a married man, in secret.
Jack invites Emelia to sabotage a marriage in secret (pretty sleazy of him), but Emelia AGREES. Emelia COULD have taken the high road and that whole mess could have been avoided.
EITHER Of them could have taken the high road and things would have turned out a LOT better. It only takes one to walk away.. Unfortunately they are BOTH too damn immature to act like adults and do the right thing.
If he doesn’t care when he’s the one supposedly committed, why should she?
Emelia can care about her own integrity
Emelia can care about her self respect
Emelia can care about a marriage she has no business tampering with
Emelia can care about Carolyn - the wife of her co-worker
Emelia can care about William
Emelia can care about her own family and friends, and the difficult position this puts them in
Emelia can care about Jack's marriage out of professionalism to a co-worker
Emelia can just care about a marriage because she WANTS to be a good person
I have spoken to people who's marriages were struggling. ALL marriages struggle from time to time and have rough patches. However UNLIKE Emelia I did NOT lie, sneak around with either spouse, or have sex with either of them in secret. I sat down with one of them and listened. Then I sent them HOME. That's what ADULTS do.
Just because JACK is an ass, that does not mean Emelia has to be an ass too. I know a LOT of women who have enough integrity to NOT put themselves OR another woman in that situation.
I am not suggesting Emelia DO anything other than just NOT get involved.
THAT takes LITERALLY NO EFFORT. lol
She COULD have gotten involved constructively, but you are right, that's not her responsibility.
At the very least, I expect EVERY grown adult to leave a struggling marriage alone. That's NOT hard to do. If she got involved to better the marriage, super duper, she gets some bonus points. All anyone can ask if that you don't tamper with someone else's marriage, EVEN if the sleazy husband invites you to do so. It never ends well.
Why should she be the one to worry about his marriage when he doesn’t?
Same as above. She does not have to worry, all she has to do is leave it alone.
Let me put it this way. If I walk by a house and notice it's on fire. I can do the following:
a. run in and save the family inside if possible
b. walk away and not make things worse
c. toss a can of gasoline on there and loot the place
I don't EXPECT everyone to do A.
I hold everyone as adults accountable to do B. THAT is BARE MINIMUM and takes NO effort to just NOT get involved.
C is obnoxious. Children and criminals behave this way, not grown adults.
I blame the one committed, in a relationship or married.
You do blame him. I do too.I hold them both accountable though. Courts of law don't cater to this "his fault/her fault" nonsense. If you are involved in the offense, you are held accountable for it. No one MAKES anyone do anything. What Emelia did.. she CHOSE to do, and she COULD have left them alone. She IS accountable for getting involved to the family's detriment, just as Jack is involved for straying. They both could have been MUCH better. Instead they both act like obnoxious brats and Carolyn and William suffer the disrespect for it.
I don’t blame the third person unless they forced them to it.
Yep. I got that loud and clear. Sorry, but the law and most ethical systems dont' let people off the hook on these technicalities. If you get caught trespassing into someone else's marriage, that you could have just left alone, you as as much to blame as the wayward spouse.
EXCEPTION: Some men LIE to women and pretend they are single. I give those women a break. UNLESS Its been like five years and she hasn't' even been to his house yet. THAT is a woman who is in denial.
I don’t approve their behavior but I don’t consider them responsible for the destruction of a relationship.
Not solely no. She had LOTS Of help from Jack. They both set fire to a home rather than doing repairs on it.
Emelia COULD have
a. picked William up from school (she's doing that now anyhow
b. baby sat William while Jack and Carolyn had date nights
c. invited Carolyn and Jack out for dinner with all her friends (helps couples sometimes)
Emelia COULD have put that effort to use constructively. As could Jack.
I am not blaming EITHER of them exclusively. They both act obnoxious.
No one suggested Emelia is soley responsible or soley a home wrecker.
Jack's a first class ass. Emelia is no better.
That falls on the person who was cheating on their partner
It falls on both of them. As I said before, they both owe Carolyn THAT much respect that they won't trash her marriage in secret.
I don't expect Emelia to run in and save them, but I do at the very least expect her to walk away and not throw gasoline on a house fire.
, who was in a relationship or married and couldn’t respect their commitment.
NEITHER Jack NOR Emelia respects Carolyn's marriage with Jack.
I have spoken with people at my workplace who talk crap about their spouses. I don't JOIN IN. I don't help their marriages, but I don't join in on the crap-fest either. It's NOT that hard to walk away. It's actually quite easy.
That’s not on the third person who’s single and not cheating on anyone.
We covered this. Emelia AND Jack STEAL from the marriage. They BOTH cheat the marriage by stealing and wasting time. Every hour, every day... its theft of time promised to another. Time that could be used to repair, rather than destroy.
Sorry but the excuse”she came after me, she threw herself at me, I did nothing wrong’ just doesn’t work.
No one's making those excuses. Arguing straw men and blaming Jack does NOT exonerate Emelia from culpability. You can hack on Jack all you want, it does not make Emelia look any less responsible.
Emelia's an adult not a child.
Again, she’s not responsible for his marriage.
She's responsible for any damage she does yes. She did plenty.
He is.
And he chose to SABOTAGE his marriage WITH Emelia rather than SECURE his marriage. Jack set his home on fire, and Emelia helped him pour on the gasoline. Partners in crime.
She’s not the one who made vows and should be working on/ fighting for the marriage.
Nope, she's not. We covered this. I don't expect her to work on a marriage that's not hers. I DO expect her to at the very least NOT trespass, infiltrate, and sabotage a marriage though. It is NOT hard to walk away. ADULTS do this all the time. It's called self-respect.
He is. If his marriage means so little to him and he’s willing to destroy it cheating on his wife, it’s not up to her to keep him from it.
Nope, it's not up to her. If Jack wants to romp around and troll loose women that's none of Emelia's business... UNLESS she CHOOSES to GET INVOLVED and MAKE it her business.
It's not up to her to protect his marriage, but it is up to her to not contaminate it.
I don't have to cut my neighbors grass, that's his job. But you won't catch me dumping crap on his lawn either. I walk away. If I DO get involved, I HELP him cut the crass and clean up his home. I don't set the yard on fire, even if he's handing me the gasoline can. I just walk away at that point and don't get involved. I expect EVERY adult to do that at the bare minimum.
For me they’re not equally responsible at all.
She's doing the same thing he is. She lies, she sneaks, and she cheats. She's just doing it from the outside-in while he works from the inside-out. Partner's in crime.
Actually the third person is not responsible at all.
Letting people off the hook for taking part in the destruction of a home is not something I advocate.
She doesn’t owe anything to his wife.
Again we covered this. Everyone owes a person enough respect not to sabotage their home in secret.
She’s not the one committed.
I am not committed to anyone either, but I don't make things worse for them. I don't promise to leave anyone's car alone, but I don't break into their cars either. I extend people that much respect that I don't screw with other peoples property. A marriage and family IS something delicate, that takes years to build. You won't catch me sabotaging anyone's home in secret. The fact that I haven't made any promises is irrelevant. I have more self-respect than that. I don't NEED to vow to someone to act like adult. I do that out of my own initiative.
He is. Again, nothing could affect the marriage unless the married person allows it.
And the same goes for Emelia. You have tried this argument before. If EITHER of them walks away, no affair takes place. BOTH of them need to commit to the destruction of the home or it does not happen.
The third can’t do anything without it.
And the husband can't do anything withou the third either. BOTH need to partner up in secret to commit infidelity.
If the third person ‘succeeds to destroy the marriage” it’s because the cheating partner allowed it.
They destroy the marriage as PARTNERS in crime. Neither one of them does it on their own. No one here is suggesting shes 100% accountable. Again this is another straw man.
He allows it, and SHE allow it. BOTH of them allow their affair to happen.
That cheating partner is responsible for the marriage, not the third person.
The third party trespasser is responsible for any damage they do yes. As is Jack responsible for any damage he does.
Again this childish finger pointing is silly. No adult weighs accountability this way. Each person is accountable for their own choices.
They both made bad choices. Choices that OTHERS (Carolyn, William) where NOT given. Carolyn and William's CHOICES where decided FOR them in SECRET by the other two.
It's marital rape at it's best.
reply
share