100 Things I Learned from The Butterfly Tattoo

1. British witness protection program is the best in the world. Not only can they set you up with a new spouse and job; in case of an emergency, a decoy target can also be arranged. No matter what, your ass will be safe. Just ask Rushdie.
2. Shakespeare is a poor source for your life model.
3. Beware of directions given by random people at crossroads. They may have ulterior motives.
4. Rich slave-lord scions may push you against the wall, but it is the nice gentle middle class boy next door who will get you killed.
5. It is generally a bad idea to swap contact information before commencing with the exchange of bodily fluids.
6. Even the English have a hard time understanding Shakespeare.
7. The best way to hide your past history while under witness protection is to tell many inconsistent false versions of it.
8. Virgins are bad cooks.
9. If you have to dispose off your burnt food, make sure you throw away the cooking utensil along with it.
10. Enquire about the mortality statistics of the animal whose image you tattoo on your body.
11. Soldiers can't be martyrs.
12. It is a good idea to swindle your boss when you quit your job. Your work history will not affect the outcome when your True Love desperately comes looking for you at your workplace.
13. Thailand lies between India and China.
14. Lawyers have no sense of humor.