MY FANFIC...PLEASE READ!!

PREMISE:
So I'm writing a short story focusing on what happened to every character between the Lost Boys comics and the second movie. Hopefully most of u have read the Reign of Frogs limited series because a few things in this are going to directly relate to it...as well as to details from the films. I am also going to give my take on Michael and Star's fate in their "car crash."


Now, I'm only going to write the prologue tonight as I would like some feedback before I write any farther. So, here's the opening:

In the summer of 2007, a young boy named Zack came to Luna Bay, California hoping to join Edgar Frog in his quest against bloodsuckers, truth, justice, and the American Way. Edgar was extremely hesitant about letting him joined and told him of the troubled history he's had in his work. Unfortunately, Edgar may have exaggerated a bit about his battle against the Dominatrix vampires, but he was just proving a point to Zack. Regardless, some truth remains in this false tale...

SANTA CARLA, 1990...BLACK WIDOW JOHNSON'S BORDELLO

"Code Orange...good thing it's light out or we all would've been slaughtered." said Edgar Frog, surveying the bloody massacre around him that had once been a ton of vamped out whores. "Did we get them all?"

"E-edgar...help me...." squeaked Alan Frog.

"Hehhehhehhehhehhehhh...." laughed Azriel.

Edgar quickly whipped out a dagger in the shape of a crucifix and aimed directly for Azriel's head.

"Arrrrggghhhhh...." She fell down to the floor, dead.

Edgar notices Alan shaking with great fear. "It's gonna be okay, we made it. We just gotta stake the Black Widow and---"

"No, it's not gonna be okay." Alan looks up, his face hideously misshaped, eyes red. "She made me drink blood...and I kinda liked it."

"Oh, no...Sam, we gotta get this over with quick!!"

As they head for the Widow's throne room a huge super vampire called Hugo stomps through the doorway wielding a gigantic scythe. He quickly makes short work of Grandpa, but Alan shoots him in the chest with the stake gun while Edgar nails him in the back.

While Edgar is busy finishing off Hugo, he doesn't notice that Sam has slid to the floor in shock because of what had just taken place, while the last remaining Dominatrix vampire, by the name of Chloe, has knocked Alan out cold and dragged him to the throne room where David and the Black Widow are waiting...