1-Drive from LA to NY on the interstate using the wrong lane the entire time.
2-Walk into East St. Louis wearing a hood and a white robe.
3-Go to a Hannah Montana concert.
4-Insert $8 into a paper shredder.
5-Star in the third Jackass movie.
Goody-goody!
6-Drink a dog doo and glass shard smoothie.
7-Play a rousing game of "space monkey."
8-Campaign for Barack Obama at a KKK rally.
9-Be hunted for sport ala the "Most Dangerous Game."
10-Any number of needle drugs.
_____
Yeah, I'm so bad I kick my own ass twice a day.
-Creeper, the Hamburger Pimp from "Dolemite"
11-Marry, then cheat on OJ
12-Relive Lindsey Lohan’s cinematic career, marathon style, on a 15 inch 1982 tv
13-Be dropped off in Harlem wearing a poster board saying "I hate *beep*
14-Have a split personality who acts like John Waters
15-While on the subject...watch pink flamingos again
Why stop the fun there?!
16-Parade through the streets of Tehran dressed as "Uncle Sam."
17-Play strip poker with Rosie O'Donnell, Star Jones and Kathy Bates.
18-Undergo multiple, consecutive colonoscopies.
_____
Yeah, I'm so bad I kick my own ass twice a day.
-Creeper, the Hamburger Pimp from "Dolemite"
19 - Read the dictionary
20 - Kiss a badger
21 - Steal Randy "The Macho-Man" Savage's sunglasses
22 - Perform an abortion on a church alter
23 - Sit in front of my computer and think of more things
24 - watch Meet the Spartans
25 - resurect Hitler
26 - Vote Nader
27 - Read anything by John Erving
28 - give Sinbad a new show
29 - Say Candlejack
30 - take a firm punch to th
Yes I'm a hypocrite, but that doesn’t make my point any less valid
31. Take a very dull spoon to both of my eyes.
32. Undergo a lobotomy.
33. Have my skin pulled off while I'm still alive.
34. Chaperone Brittney Spears for a weekend of binging and purging.
------------------------------------------------
The eyes are the groin of the head.
35. Shave my head and attack a car with an umbrella
36. Get in and out of limousines exposing certain parts of my body
37. Star in a new movie where I don't wear any seatbelts
38. Get a crummy haircut and repeat a two-word phrase
39. Star in a sex video
Wait, who would have thought those had been done already? Oh, might as well watch the movie.
[deleted]
[deleted]
49) Eat another human being
50) Watch an all day marathon of Battlefield Earth
51) Play in a pool of toxic waste
52) Listen to Kevin Federline's CD repeatedly
53) Live off only Spam and pond water for a month
54) Begin a campaign to fight for George Bush to be allowed to be president for 4 more years
55) Drink 8 cups of coffee and eat 6 bran muffins just before running the New York marathon
56) Brush my teeth, then gargle with orange juice
57) Rub the skin off my penis with a rusty SOS pad, then season it with salt
58) Attempt to rob a bank naked with no weapons
59) Connect jumper cables from my car battery to my testicles
60) Insert a splintery bark-covered tree branch into my rectum
61) Put on a diaper and drive halfway across the country to beat up an astronaut
Kara Thrace will lead the human race to its end.
I'm personally determined to get this to the 1000 mark...
62-Make-out with a rabid pitbull.
63-Take an extended tour of a hot-dog factory.
64-Bathe in raw sewage using a dead rat as a loofah.
65-Give a sensual, full body massage to Rush Limbaugh.
_____
Yeah, I'm so bad I kick my own ass twice a day.
-Creeper, the Hamburger Pimp from "Dolemite"
66-Be covered head to toe in aborted fetuses.
67-Act gay in front of Mike Huckabee, and wait for the ass kicking.
68-Marry the female embodiment of a mullet "a la cousin It with a vagina"
69 (tee hee)-Try to hit on girls at the same time and place as George Clooney.
70-Run the Boston Marathon with an overweight midget attached to my groin.
Pete Townshend has magic fingers
71. I'd rather be forced to listen to a Huey Lewis marathon while sitting naked in a big wooden chair held down buy having any and all extruding body parts nailed to it while holes are drilled in each of my teeth without anesthesia so some guy could run little steel cables through them then wrap them around the back of the chair and up to my nose where the other end of the cables would be knotted in my sinuses… no, no, NO, NO, NO… I could handle the chair and the nails and the cabling but PLEASE don't let them play Huey Lewis, P L E A S E P L E A S E P L E A S E, anything but that.
_______________________
My life is a plot hole.
[deleted]
I'd rather watch Witless Protection than have to sit through No Country For Old Men again. Larry the Cable Guy may be dumb, redneck humor but at least he didn't make a high-production-values, beautifully-executed but plotless and nihilistic attack on the human spirit.
shareHave any of you haters even seen this movie?
"Wendy, I'm Home"-Jack Torrance "The Shining"
[deleted]
74. Listen to Vince 2000 and Jneil's film rccomendations.
75. Clean Kirsty Allie's G-strings.
76. Watch a Detroit Lions football game. (That one is a tough decision, too. And I'm from Detroit. It's painful to watch. But not as painful as Larry-the-sometimes-burpin'-and-a-fartin'-Guy's imitation hick-schtick.)
watch this movie
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0107715/
[deleted]
78. Watch "Two Girls One Cup"
79. See Ralph Nader naked
80. Go hunting with Dick Cheney
81. Cut myself repeatedly
82. Walk down a street in Israel dressed as Hitler
83. Be crucified
84. Be infected with malaria
85. Watch the collected works of Uwe Boll in succession
86. Watch Isthar
87. Be subjected to waterboarding
88. Get kicked in the balls
89. vote for Fred Thompson
90. Be Hillary Clinton's campaign manager.
91. Watch the Hillary4U&Me video repeatedly.
92. Go to a back-to-back showing of 27 Dresses and The Notebook.
93. Watch a 24 hour marathon of Salo or the 120 Days of Sodom.
94. Actually have sex with a streetwalker prostitute.
95. Be on an FBI anti-child pornography task force (think about it, your job would require watching tons of sick kiddie porn for hours every day.)
96. Go bungee jumping with a rope whose length is selected at random.
97. Repeatedly break out laughing while watching Schindler's List with an all-Jewish audience.
98. Go over Niagara Falls in a barrel.
99. Try firewalking.
100. Go join the cult of the latest Jim Jones.
101. Shoot Heroin
102. Move in with the God Warrior for 1 week
103. Have unprotected sex with Paris Hilton
104. Walk naked from Toronto to Vancouver in February
105. Be an audience member on "Mind of Mencia"
106. Have sex with the girl in "Teeth".
shareI saw that somebody mentioned watching Nukie. I can't top that, but I can bring us closer to the magic 1000.
107. Play first male lead and, ahem, catcher to Rosie O'Donnell's pitcher in "A Strap-On of Their Own."
108. Wake up to discover that I'm Richard Simmons' favorite ladyboy....and it's hot wax time.
109. Work as bathroom attendant for the Blue Collar "Comedy" Tour.
110. Ride on Clive Barker's personal Midnight Meat Train.
111. Work as gynecologist for Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, and Britney Spears and perform weekly "crab combings."
Strike first. Strike hard. No mercy.
112. Star in Two Guys/One Cup
113. Have a night of Romance with Billie Gibsons character from The Shining
114. Go through every single trap from the Saw movies, twice
115. Go Hunting with Dick Cheney
116. Watch Batman and Robin (the worst film I ever saw in a theater)
117. Eat a kitten, alive
118. Rip off my man parts with NOTHING but my bare hands
119. eat my grandmothers cooking (shes the worst cook ever)
120. Drink Gasoline
121. Play Chicken with the train, betting the train will swerve first
122. Watch a 234,732,869,083,593,427,589,789 hour marathon of Barney
123. Have a sword stab me up through my spine
124. Shave my pubes with nothing but aftershave and a blowtorch
125. Perform a colonoscopy on Meat Loaf
126. Perform a visectomy on myself with nothing but kiddies scissors and Elmers glue
127. Watch every episode of Full House 100 times
128. Jump naked into the deep fryer at KFC
129. Walk into a hot girls home and just randomly take a dump on the floor
130. Sit here and continuely come up with gross and repulsive things to do, all of which can't be nearly as painful as watching this inbred racist hillbilly making fart jokes for an hour and a half
131. Eat my own sh !t
132. Eat someone elses sh !t.
133. Drink my own sh !t.
134. Drink someone elses sh !t.
135. Be sodomized by a horse.
136. Be sodomized by a monkey.
137. be sodomized by Rosie O Donnell.
138. Have a pine cone shoved up my a$$.
139. Watch an episode of The Boondocks.
140. Watch "BME Pain Olympics"
141. Watch "Mr. Hands"
142. Watch "2Girls1Cup"
143. Watch "2Girls1finger"
144. Recieve a lap dance from Barak Obama.
145. Have unprotected sex with Paris Hilton, Lindsey Lohan, Britiny Spears, Jessica Simpson, Ashley Simpson, ur ma, and Pamela Anderson at the same time.
146. Rip off my dick.
147. Artificially inseminate a kangaroo.
148. Punch myself in the eye.
149. Listen to fifteen seconds of 50 Cent.
150. Have a conversation with Eminem.
151. Eat my own face.
152. Give a Drivers Liscense to an illegal immagrant.
153. Give birth to a baby rhinosouras.
154. Shake hands with the current president of Iran. (Don't want to mispell is incredibly long name)
155. Slam my head against the wall every time I blink.
156. Bite the head off a live bald eagle.
157. Go snowboarding with no clothes on.
158. Eat glass.
159. Recieve a hand job from Captain Hook.
160. Be eaten by a bear.
161. Have sex with a piece of sand paper.
Come on we are almost 2/10 there!