Things I've Learned From Witless Protection

Spoiler alert

1. Having money isn't the same as having class

2. A corncob stuck up a tailpipe can spew out popcorn

3. Drug dealers and smugglers drive black Suburbans

4. You can have a hand to hand combat with someone in a room full of expensive vases, but once you lock the door, everything breaks

5. Your hand can get crushed by a 110lb engine, but it's still healthy enough to cut a gas line

6. Random barges with large piles of manure come out of nowhere to save you when committing a fake suicide

7. Wally's in the glovebox

8. If Larry's a minnow, then Gus is a shrimp

9. If Elder's got a hostage named Buttercup, then it's his horse

10. Shaking and punching dead people in a coffin is acceptable proof that they're dead.

11. It's just a little rat snake!

12. She was mauled by a bear, but her boobs were real

13. Connie's love will be Larry's bullet proof vest

14. Big Brother will trace plastic