100 Things I Learned in Frozen River

1. If you would like your spouse to stay around the house a bit longer, shoot them in their legs.
2. In good ol' USA, you can get away with modern day slavery as long as you are pigmentation-challenged. In case you are caught, 4 months max.
3. US cops will merely take your money if they catch you outside their jurisdiction. It's called due process.
4. Tribal cops will settle for an insincere apology for defrauding one of their elderly as long as the perpetrator is a descendant of the people who decimated the victim's ancestral kin. This is called sovereignty.
5. You may not know where Pakistan is, or a what a Pakistani looks like. All terrorist look alike. Brown.
6. White+Red pwns Yellow+Brown in the gulags.
7. When you have to come up with a quick grand for an emergency, you should turn to crime instead of selling off your extra car that you don't need any more.
8. If your mother scolds you for nearly burning down the house, threaten her with a blowtorch. It's therapeutic.
9. Dem Indian phone operators can't take a phone message properly. That's what you get for outsourcing.
10. If your family is turning increasingly dysfunctional for 10 years because of your spouse's delinquency, your best response is to have another child.
11. All is forgiven and redeemed as long as you "Think of the Children".
12. If you don't raise your kids with make-believe characters and celebrations on arbitrarily fixed dates, they will not come out right.