1) Strappy sandals are not appropriate shoes.
2) When you need to make a point, grab a human limb.
3) Severed human limbs should not defer one from going into a lake in which they came. However, a head should cause immediate panic.
4) The kid from the city knows you mustn't crush giant eggs in a nest in the wild while the country born and bred kid feels the need to stomp on any damn egg he finds.
5) A Sudanese man will put up with more than 15 years of your *beep* so he can return a favor. Then quit when he's done.
6) If your friend is killed in a lake by unseen animal or even falls to his death in the water, the local sheriff and deputies will (for some reason) giggle and snigger first when you tell him and not believe you.
7) A croc as big as a house can come up behind you and you can't even hear a single twig snap or the earth shake.
8) A croc as big as a house can come up to sunbathing girl and play footsie with her feet.
9) A deputy can appear from nowhere and die immediately so none of the central characters need to get chomped in the first twenty minutes.
10) chubby David Boreanaz wannabes shouldn't wear white vests.
11) ugly chubby guys can have the faint outline of a 6 pack while still being generally fat in every other way.
12) When you notice a croc is about to smash your boat and probably eat you - it is natural to grin and chuckle about it.
13) When your boyfriend is being attacked by a croc, run for your life and immediately start dating the guy who's still alive.
come on this is genius. BUMP
'Forget about it.'
14. Don't go camping with idiots
15. even though you KNOW that there are SEVERAL 40 foot crocodiles in the area DON'T call for outside help.....naw sheriff doofy and gang can handle it.
16. It's safer in the house.
17. There are crocodiles in the lake. Yes, this lake, Einstein!
18. Forty-foot giant mutant momma crocodiles are not amused when you say "Goodnight, Gracie" to them.
19. The remote detonator never works when you want it to.
20. Sweet old ladies can still tell you to go p~s up a rope.
21. That wasn't Frau Bluecher. (thunder, lightning, horses whinnying)
22. Martha Stewart's a pretty tough bird in her own right.
23. You know it's a female crocodile, because you caught George Jr. sticking it to her on the shore one night.
24. There aren't too many crocodiles wandering around the streets in Boston.
25. In Boston, the drunks don't bite.
26. The sheriff hates that rabbit.
27. Trying to pat a tranquilized giant monster mutant crocodile on the head is not a smart idea.
28. Giant monster mutant momma crocodile--that thing done blowed up REAL good!
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"A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five."
29. Show titties, you die.
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