Old Tymie-style intros

I know I posted a thread in here years ago, can't find it. If any1 has video please throw the url in here. Written examples are great too.

To start:

"former CIA operative Mike Baker. If secret intelligence was liquid soap, I'd pump him in the bathroom".

A female guest (maybe Dana Perrino or Jill Dobson) - "if insightful commentary was carpet, I'd lay her on my livingroom floor".

"Andrew Breitbart - if political savvy was shingles, I'd nail him on my roof".

Jill Dobson - "She's so hot - dogs going into heat are now called 'going into Jill Dobson' ".