10 things I learned from this man

Let's see:

1. Only the 4 key areas of the body need to be cleaned daily. Armpits, butthole, crotch, and teeth. Use the same brush on all areas to save time

2. Unless you get poop or pee on them, no need to wash your hands after using the bathroom

3. Nobody really likes kids, unless it's their own. And only have one child, just for replacement value

4. Lance Armstrong and Dr. Phil are not his favorite people

5. Today's names we give boys are soft and goofy.

6. Don't wear visors. Either wear a hat or don't

7. He's a people person as long as he doesn't have to talk to them for more than a few minutes

8. He's the first person to ever say "as soon as I shove this hot poker up my ass, I'm chopping my dick off"

9. Bargain with a toll booth employee

10. His grandfather explicitly talked about his sex life

--what else?