MovieChat Forums > Transmorphers (2007) Discussion > An Apology

An Apology

posted 16 years ago by DirectorLeighHater
43 replies | jump to latest

I just signed away my life to IMDB, so I better make this count.
The following apology is a response to all of those of good taste who abhorred this abomination. I have no reason for doing this, since I had nothing to do with this(I hesitate to call it a movie), but it has become increasingly obvious that none of you are getting an apology from the real Leigh Slawner. So, I take it upon myself to do so. *AHEM* (assumes the role of Leigh Slawner)

Dear sci-fi movie fans, bad movie aficionados, and everyone else that I have disgraced,

I Leigh Slawner, am sorry. I cannot even begin to explain my regret for this movie as well as for all of the others. I know I put up a strong, Simon Cowellesque attitude most of the time, but as we all know, I'm nothing but a sad, sad person who regrets their mistakes.

At first it was meant to be fun. I knew that the Asylum made bad mockbusters, and yes, I knew that I was supposed to adhere to that when I sold my soul to them. I thought it wouldn't be such a bad thing, really; I'd make a terrible movie, people would rent it and laugh at how lame it was, they'd move on, I'd collect my check, maybe have a chuckle at the witty public response, and that would be that. Honestly, who among us would think that could go wrong?

But it did. It was just supposed to be an ordinary day, that day I went to see how it was coming along. I called my mom and told her I would talk to her later that morning. If I'd known what would happen, I might've said more. The moment I walked into the studio I knew something was wrong. Everyone kept telling me not to watch, but I thought they were being funny, so I watched what would soon be Transmorphers. I can't quite remember what happened exactly, I just remember seeing those AWFUL things, the shaky camera, the terrible CGI, and the sound, MY GOD, THE SOUND! I barely made it to the bathroom when I started vomiting and crying and wanting to claw my eyes out. We all do stupid things when we're scared, we all do. I knew the right thing to do would have been to stay, and maybe it might have turned out half-decent. But I didn't. I just...didn't. I collected my money and ran. I just ran, okay?

(Pauses to wipe away tears and compose himself.)

And so it just happened. Transmorphers happened. I never saw the finished project, but once you see what I did, you don't want to see anything like it. When the Asylum heard the news, they did something they would never do before or since. They showed pity. They returned my soul and fired me to try and ease the pain and suffering. But it didn't.

So why do I come here, defending a film that I refuse to even watch? To be honest, I'm not sure why. Maybe I'm trying to defend myself for not knowing what I had gotten into, maybe I was making up for not helping this movie when I should have, or maybe I'm defending what this movie could've been, instead of what it is. I don't know. I just want to say that to all of the people who defend this movie along with me, you can stop all the lies. I release you from your vocations. May you now begin to rebuild your lives.

And to the rest of you, I don't expect to be forgiven. I don't expect to be shown any mercy. All I want is for you to know that I am sorry, and that I am not a bad man, just not a lucky man. And for all of those aspiring writers that I put down, please, PLEASE don't make the same mistake I did. Don't be pig headed, listen to other people's ideas, and most importantly, don't walk away. Thank you, and I'm sorry.

-Leigh Slawner

[–] DirectorLeigh 16 years ago

This is so awesome!!!

I never in my wildest dreams thought that I would reach a point in my career where someone would actually become obsessed with me!

This is truly a milestone. Clever idea, I just wish it was executed better. Humor is best when it is funny!

"There is no peace without freedom, no freedom without a fight."

[–] TheNightbringer 16 years ago

lol

TransMorphers was the worst TransFormers rip-off since the Go-Bots

[–] DirectorLeighHater 16 years ago

It is truly a milestone for me as well. 11:20 PM, May 5, 2008: The day I pissed off Leigh Scott. *Sniff* I just don't know what to say.

Thank you for your vague criticism, and in return accept some of mine. The next time you want to make a movie, look out the window and then look in the mirror. If the world hasn't ended and you're still you, do the world a favor: go to hell.

Leigh Slawner only happened because Chuck Norris was taking a nap.

[–] DirectorLeigh 16 years ago

Why do you think you pissed me off?

It's awesome that somebody I don't know takes the time to talk about me, good or bad.

I just hope that one day I can pick up a stalker/hater with better writing skills.

"There is no peace without freedom, no freedom without a fight."

[–] shadowphile 16 years ago

This is of course assuming you are who you claim to be.

Personally, I love bad movies. There is something truly entertaining about movies when they don't take themselves seriously. I've always wanted to get into this line of work because I think my love of the genre would make it not feel like work at all.....

[–] sweiland75 16 years ago

I just have to wonder what makes you think you will earn credibility by making a blatant ripoff of a blockbuster movie?

http://www.savemoonlight.com

[–] DirectorLeigh 16 years ago

Please define credibility.

I don't think it has ever been my stated position to win accolades or become a household name by working at the Asylum. The films I made there were always intended to be practice.

It is my opinion that the sorry state of American cinema stems directly from the industry's tendency to hire music video, short film, and commercial directors for feature films. The greatest filmmakers of all time are all story tellers who know how to make a story with characters, a beginning, a middle, and an end.

Having worked long enough within the industry I can confidently say that with the proper budget and support staff, just about anybody could create something visually interesting. But true story telling is a lost art and the weak point of modern films.

So, I hope that answers your question. Transmorphers is not about "credibility" but about practice and experimentation.

Leigh

"There is no peace without freedom, no freedom without a fight."

[–] DirectorLeighHater 16 years ago

"I don't think it has ever been my stated position to win accolades or become a household name by working at the Asylum. The films I made there were always intended to be practice. "

Practice? So working for the most infamously terrible ripoff artists is supposed to be some sort of jumping-off point for greater things? That's like Harrison Ford getting his start in porn flicks.

"It is my opinion that the sorry state of American cinema stems directly from the industry's tendency to hire music video, short film, and commercial directors for feature films. The greatest filmmakers of all time are all story tellers who know how to make a story with characters, a beginning, a middle, and an end."

Obviously you fall into the first category, since not only did the Asylum use you to crank out a few more shameless mockbusters, but all of your movies have only one redeeming quality: an end.

"Having worked long enough within the industry I can confidently say that with the proper budget and support staff, just about anybody could create something visually interesting. But true story telling is a lost art and the weak point of modern films."

This statement is actually true, but it's like Paris Hilton preaching abstinence. Your movies' lack of interesting visuals and audio can be explained with poor budget, but underneath all of that, the story telling TRULY sucks ass.
So I hope this illustrates my point. Leigh Slawner is not about big budgets or tolerable visual effects, or even half-decent storylines, but about sucking as hard as possible and whining like a little betch when anyone says anything about him that isn't butt-licking syncophantism. Own.

Leigh Slawner only happened because Chuck Norris was taking a nap.

[–] DirectorLeigh 16 years ago

Kudos!!!!! You have elevated the status and art of trolldom to new and exciting levels. I hope all of the other morons on the internet pick up your style and run with it. You will provide a great service to the idiot contingent on the internet.

Couple of questions...Is an Asylum film really porn? Or is it more like the ridiculous TV guest starring roles and B-movie parts that an actor like Harrison Ford endured before hitting it big? Oh, wait, Harrison Ford first showed up in AMERICAN GRAFFITI right? You knowledge of both film history and the entertainment industry as a whole is exemplary.

How many low-budget B-movies have you watched? How many of my movies have you watched? Oh, I get it. BLAIR WITCH is your idea of a low-budget movie right? Maybe something edgy like NAPOLEON DYNAMITE? Why don't you fire up the netflix and watch about 100 hours of DTV and made for TV movies before you start commenting on my storytelling skills.

God, I wish you accomplished something in your life so that you had a message board that I could post on anonymously as "MASSIVE TOOL HATER" and criticize you for no reason.

"Donnie, you are out of your element!"

To "own" me, you would have to actually DO something. Say, make a film that premieres at the Aspen Comedy Fest? Or maybe you should direct 15 feature films that are all highly profitable? Maybe you could raise 10-15 million dollars and score contracts with international distributors and major US television networks to make movies starring actors you respect and grew up watching as a fan (like say Lance Henriksen, Jeffrey Combs, Dean Stockwell etc.)? Maybe you could score a loyal group of talented professionals who enjoy working with you? Maybe you could date attractive women? Maybe you could have parents who like you instead of wishing you would finally "grow up" and move out of their house?

Then, my dear friend, you would actually "own" me. Trying, and failing, to make humorous message board posts on the IMDB is hardly an achievement.

And really? Skip Temple of Doom? That still bothers me.
"There is no peace without freedom, no freedom without a fight."

[–] resevil80 16 years ago

How could you skip Temple of Doom...Its the insane super fun Indiana Jones movie....

The boogeyman checks his closet for Chuck Norris before bed.

[–] DirectorLeighHater 16 years ago

*Sighs deeply, cracks fingers, and prepares to own Leigh Slawner once again*
First of all, you misunderstand my reference to Harrison Ford in my last post. I don't want to try to explain it because if you're retarded enough to respond to me at all, you're retarded enough to keep misquoting me.

Secondly, I have watched more low-budget b-movies than most people know exist. So don't even think of criticizing me in that area. The only reason I'm not flaming the millions of other movies that sorely deserve it is that their directors take the high road and ignore the 'trolls' that justly criticize them. And I don't use Netflix, I go to Blockbuster like a person who actually wants to watch movies.

Thirdly, if I am ever fortunate enough to be the subject of a message board, I want you to post on it, just don't expect me to be a little bitch-head *beep* like you and reply. Instead I'll just be enjoying my millions of well-earned dollars and working hard on movies that people will actually watch because they like them.

Fourthly, if I wanted life counseling, I'd consult someone whose life isn't, you know, yours. Your 'loyal group' is neither talented nor professional, your own 'attractive girl' left you after she realized she wasn't married to the guy who directed Unabomber, and I know your parents must either love you or harbor a deep resentment against humanity since they didn't kill you like the seer warned them to.

And fifthly, we obviously have different definitions of the phrase 'own'. To me, to own means to execute an attack verbally, physically or mentally against someone that results in a deep sense of self-satisfaction and hatred from the person who has been owned and is often accompanied by the battle cry of 'OWN, beee-ITCH!" Your reply to my post and my awesome feeling about myself right now signify that you are, in fact, owned. And by the encroaching wave of awesomeness I'm sensing, you are about to be owned once more.

If your movies suck and you know it, just reply,
if your movies suck and you know it, just reply,
if your movies suck and you know it, and your insecurity shows it,
if your movies suck and you know it, just reply!

Leigh Slawner only happened because Chuck Norris was taking a nap.

[–] DirectorLeigh 16 years ago

So, I'm retarded to even respond to you? You have serious self-esteem issues, and I'm here to help!!!

Your biggest insult to me is that I bother to respond to you. Are you not worth it? Are you the disgusting, angry, disliked little troll that I suspect you are? Or are you a human being worth my respect and attention?

The choice is yours.

Oh, and the whole "if you respond, I win thing" is pretty lame. If you respond to this, then I win? Really? It's that easy?

Ok, I have money to count, movies to edit etc. Not enough time in the day to deal with you properly. I hope you have enjoyed your time as a novelty. A good idea with poor execution.

"There is no peace without freedom, no freedom without a fight."

[–] MrSoloDolo 16 years ago

Ugh - hey man you have a good job making sh*tty movies, why do you take yourself so seriously? If you would make fun of yourself just a little, maybe people wouldn't hate you so much. These responses make you look childish and bitter.

[–] DirectorLeighHater 16 years ago

*Hopefully watching Leigh Slawner walking away*
Geez, what a tool. Thank you for getting my point, turnbu23, you have proven yourself smarter than Leigh Slawner, which, to be honest, isn't much of an accomplishment. I have a LOT of movies that I hate, but at least the directors of Sunshine and Dragon Wars don't come on here and try to prove me wrong. I may hate their guts, but at least I respect them a little.

Leigh Slawner only happened because Chuck Norris was taking a nap.

[–] DirectorLeighHater 16 years ago

"Donnie, you are out of your element!"
What a clever, clever person. He posted this quote from Donnie Darko because he knew that I was going to look it up. Once I found out it was from Darko, I was definitely going to look it up on here, where I would discover that Donnie Darko, a truly awesome movie, was shot in 28 days with a budget under 5 million. Leigh Slawner was cryptically trying to convey to me that a relatively low budget and a short shooting time means nothing, the only deciding factor is whether the idea truly sucks or not. Transmorphers' idea sucked and therefore tanked, and Darko's idea was awesome and therefore didn't go straight to DVD. I knew he wasn't all bad.

Leigh Slawner only happened because Chuck Norris was taking a nap.

[–] DirectorLeigh 16 years ago

Big Lebowski.

Wow, I am really surprised that you guys prefer to be ignored and respect people who don't acknowledge your existence or your opinions more than someone who defends themselves or tries to educate people.

Weird.

"There is no peace without freedom, no freedom without a fight."

[–] 16 years ago

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[–] TheEmulator23 16 years ago

This Leigh guy seriously should change his name because calling himself a director is an insult to those that actually deserve the title. As far as these being "practice" well until he makes something good, these aren't practice, they just suck balls. He could make something good, which I very much doubt but you never know it could happen! Of course I could be an alien too.

[–] DirectorLeighHater 16 years ago

If you are an alien, drew, you bring hope for finding intelligence outside of Earth. Thank you for not liking this 'movie' by this 'director'. I only hope he's not watching.

Leigh Slawner only happened because Chuck Norris was taking a nap.

[–] alcoholica 16 years ago

I find it really funny how everyone is making a crack about your films and such as them being mocks, knock-off or unoriginal. They may not be Hollywood blockbusters but hell what movies today in Hollywood are original?

To me they all seem to be either a remake, or taken from a book, comic book, video game or elsewhere.

It seems more acceptable to make a movie based on a pre-existing idea but to give it ones own take on it.

If people want to talk about disgraceful they should take a look at the steaming pile of crap which is Rob Zombie's remake or revision of Halloween. He took a perfectly great movie all around, a classic, and wiped his ass with it to make it somehow his own.

[–] Fad64 16 years ago

Hey, while we've got someone from the actual industry paying attention for a change how about dropping the insults for a moment and asking a genuinely interesting industry question of the man?
I can't pass comment on Transmorphers as I haven't (probably thankfully to judge by this forum) seen it but am really curious as to what the brief might have been for such a project. Is it a case of; we have one week to knock out something about X before the blockbuster of a similar name leaves the public conscience or does the title come first; 'they've done AVP, we'll do AVH, now, can anyone think of a plot?'
I am not mocking here but genuinely curious. Mister Slawner and his like can hardly be blamed if they play no more part in the process than being handed a script, a title, a cast, a few thousand dollars and then being told to get on with it.
Fair enough to slag them off if they go to the studio and say 'I've got this brilliant idea and script and only need 50 dollars to make it, let me, let me!'
Which is it?
Anyone?

[–] DirectorLeigh 16 years ago

It's never "here is a brilliant idea for a script, please let me rip-off X,Y, or Z". And it's also never about any of the filmmakers saying "hey, I can do this in one week for $50".

The way it really works is that they say "Hey, Transformers is coming out, let's make a giant robot movie". We, as die hard film nerds, jump at the chance to do different genres as well as keep ourselves out of waiting tables. So, we talk about a script and a budget and what the film needs to be.

Then, like every movie made in a studio environment, the producers dictate their needs (creatively and financially) to the filmmakers. There are fights, there are battles, but at the end of the day, the guy with the check book wins.

Sure, as a filmmaker I made a few mistakes in making these movies. And sure if I sat down with the producers we would probably have an argument over who's fault this or that is. But, at the end of the day low budget genre movies made in this environment are at the whim of the producer. It is a producer's medium and not a director, writer, editor actor etc.

As I've stated numerous times, my cardinal sin is attempting to push the budgets, schedules and producers beyond what they are probably capable of. That's only because I love making movies and love genre movies. If I went into making these films with realistic expectations and a traditional Hollywood methodology, I probably wouldn't have made. But you are right to say that some of the heat should be taken off the people who work on these shows, because the criteria, structure of the shoot, final script, final CGI, and final edit are not within our control.

"There is no peace without freedom, no freedom without a fight."

[–] rat_sandwich 16 years ago

I love Transmorphers, got it on DVD. I really can't see why it would be classed as a Transformers rip off, the only similarities are the title and the fact it contains giant robots. In that sense everything that contains giant robots most be a Transformers rip off-Robotech, Tetsujin, Gian Robo etc etc. Okay so the actings not great neither are the cji effects, but I'd take Transmorphers over another pointless hollywood romantic comedy anyday!

DirectorLeigh, your film is awesome, dont apologies for it. We need more giant robot movies!

[–] DirectorLeigh 16 years ago

Rat,

You are my hero. Thanks for acknowledging both the strengths and weaknesses of my film.

I agree. The world needs more giant robot movies....

"There is no peace without freedom, no freedom without a fight."

[–] rat_sandwich 16 years ago

No worry bud, its going to be a sad day when films like yours stop being made. sort of see your movies in the same vain as films like Apex, Robot Jox etc etc, all awesome lowbudget science fiction movies. Its nice to have a choice, I like all the effects heavy hollywood blockbuster stuff, but its good to see something abit different. I actually prefer Transmorphers to the live action Transfomers movie, Transformers needed more Transformers and less people. I think you should see it as your holy calling to make more low budget sci-fi, especially about giant robots :-)

Have a good one.

"Welcome to your doom!"

[–] 16 years ago

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[–] DirectorLeighHater 16 years ago

Mad World (Leigh Slawner version)

All around me are such dumbass faces,
a worn-out premise, a worn-out premise.
Bright and early to accept my pwnage,
awesome pwnage, awesome pwnage.

Syncophants are filling up their messages
with ass-licking, with ass-licking.
Hold his head I wanna drown Leigh Slawner,
drown Leigh Slawner. That'd be awesome.

And I find it kinda funny, his movies are just sad,
and dreams in which he's dying are the best I've ever had.
He finds it hard to listen, he finds it hard to take,
When Leigh Scott makes Transmorphers it's a very, very
Mad World, Mad World

When I own Leigh Scott it always feels good,
it's like my birthday, like my birthday.
And I feel for once that Mrs. Scott should
SIT AND LISTEN, SIT AND LISTEN.

Owning Slawner I am never nervous,
he can't hurt me, he can't hurt me.
Hello Slawner, tell me have you ever
listened to me, Listened to me?

And I find it kinda funny, his movies are just sad,
and dreams in which he's dying are the best I've ever had.
He finds it hard to listen, he finds it hard to take,
When Leigh Scott makes Transmorphers it's a very, very
Mad World, Mad World

He's in his own world

Mad World

Leigh Slawner only happened because Chuck Norris was taking a nap.

[–] rat_sandwich 16 years ago

You own nobody DirectorLeighHater, when did you make your last movie? I bet you work in Mcdonalds or a Burger King, you spend your days flipping burgers, thinking of ways to bring people down because you've got nothing better to do and fantising what having a girlfriend must be like or maybe in your case a boyfriend. So you dont like Transmorphers, who gives a F#ck!

"Welcome to your doom!"

[–] DirectorLeighHater 16 years ago

Clearly you and your master give a 'f#ck', turd sandwich, or else you would be doing something else other than posting here refusing to admit that I owned you both (which I clearly have).

What's the only thing lamer than the person with no life who spends all his time owning Leigh Slawner on IMDb?

The director who spends all of his time defending himself against that person whose opinion shouldn't even matter to him.

What's the only thing lamer than the director who spends all of his time defending himself against that person whose opinion shouldn't even matter to him?

That'd be turd sandwich.

Leigh Slawner only happened because Chuck Norris was taking a nap.

[–] teesasaddress 16 years ago

This thread has been thoroughly entertaining!! The banter between you all is cracking me up!

[–] DirectorLeighHater 16 years ago

You and I call it banter, but Mrs. Slawner and turd sandwich call it their 'lives'.
Oh yeah, I know you might want to watch these movies to see how funy bad they are, and I'll warn you now, tess, they aren't funny bad, they're make-your-children-cry bad. I don't want you to be another victim of Post Transmorphers Stress Disorder (PTSD), but if it'll help you understand why these movies suck, it might just be worth it.

Leigh Slawner only happened because Chuck Norris was taking a nap.

[–] teesasaddress 16 years ago

Haha.. thanks for the heads-up!!

[–] DirectorLeigh 16 years ago

I wouldn't recommend taking advice from a barely literate individual who has dedicated their life to insulting someone that they don't know and insulting films they've never seen.

"There is no peace without freedom, no freedom without a fight."

[–] DirectorLeighHater 16 years ago

Quit talking about yourself, Leigh.

Leigh Slawner only happened because Chuck Norris was taking a nap.

[–] galahadfairlight 16 years ago

I'm slightly concerned.

If this thread has legs and goes on and on.... are we likely to see a small budget movie made out of it? I mean, the script is virtually written already, all we need is the concluding part and we've got a green light surely?

* shudders *

This signature has been deleted by an administrator

[–] DirectorLeighHater 16 years ago

Most likely, galahad, and right afterwards Leigh will make a ripoff of it. And the circle of crap continues...

Leigh Slawner only happened because Chuck Norris was taking a nap.

[–] rat_sandwich 16 years ago

Hahahahaha you called me Turd Sandwich! Shouldn't it have been rat turd sandwich? You sound about eight LeighHater, maybe you should stick to playing with your power rangers. You own nobody bud.

"Welcome to your doom!"

[–] DirectorLeighHater 16 years ago

So do you mean I should start calling you Nobody sandwich and Director Nobody? And you should know that you type like you're eight, Nobody sandwich.

Leigh Slawner only happened because Chuck Norris was taking a nap.

[–] rat_sandwich 16 years ago

I like Turd Sandwich, it sounds tasty. Although I think "Rat Turd Sandwich" sounds better.

"Welcome to your doom!"

[–] 16 years ago

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[–] Fad64 13 years ago

My cat, who I genuinely do actually, literally 'own', caught a mouse (which is a bit like a rat, for anyone in the mid-west/deep south who's looking in) the other day, and ate it. Now, going on the assumption that said mouse would likely not have completely emptied its bowels prior to being eaten by the cat that I own (whose name I am avoiding for fear of legal procedings against me...or his name turning up as the title of some Asylum project)there would have been a layer of mouse either side of some mouse turds, an arrangement that could, hypothetically, be described as a 'mouse-turd sandwich'.
By way of experiment I once attached a video camera to the back of my cat (he's a big cat)and was hoping to market the results via some film company or other. The result, while being devoid of anything that could accurately be described as a 'script' (short of the odd grunting/farting kind of sound) was quite watchable.
My point (yes, there is one) is that, should I ever get this opus to an audience, I believe that its artistic integrity would be compromised, should the eventual title bare a striking resemblance to that of an existing, and popular, movie.
Does not the deliberate attempt to mislead a potential buyer negate any possible merit that the film in question might, or might not, have?

[–] 13 years ago

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[–] 13 years ago

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