To try and answer your questions...
1) I don't believe Caroline ever let David meet Phoebe -- he didn't in the book.
2) In the movie, there was a scene where Nora told David she'd had enough and it was too late. I believe that Paul turning on her was probably the last straw and she realized she needed to get out of the marriage. There is a lot from the book missing here (as well as other pieces, but I don't want to spoil it for anyone who wants to read the book).
3) I never actually heard her tell him, but it did have the scene where he asked her why she didn't let him know where she was and she said she was afraid he'd come and take her away (she was opening up an envelope that contained money). I don't believe her husband was dead at the end, but I suppose he wasn't crucial to that part of the movie. I don't recall him being deceased in the book.
Hope this helps!
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