Favorite Quotes - The Life & Times of Tim Discussion

[–] 15 years ago

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Tim: You ran away after getting a hand job.
Priest: Not in church!

Stu: Those are looks of fear and respect, you've just never seen them before.

Boss: Tim, what's the difference between you and a baboon?
Tim: There's a lot of differences
Boss: Name three.

The minuet god crapped out the third caveman a conspiracy was hatched against one of them!

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[–] 15 years ago

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[–] marinersfanfromny 15 years ago

That Isn't good threesome talk.

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[–] advocate_for_the_devil 15 years ago

From last night...

"In my defense, what kind of church doesn't have a Bible?"

As the great warrior poet Ice Cube once said, “if the day does not require an AK, it is good.”

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[–] Killer_Wolf 15 years ago

PR Lady: Then we can put all of this *behind* you. I'm sorry. Just a little bum rape humor.

Tim: Bum rape humor? That's not a genre of humor.

"What was it like? Anyone that's ever been raped by a bum knows the drill. He pretty much took his pants off and went crazy."

Anytime the Boss says, "Exactly."

There's loads more, but I can't remember it at the top of my head and I like to have things exact.

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[–] mudgejl 15 years ago

"Every girl, at heart, wants to swing em'"

-The Bra Guy (Harry??)

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[–] scsully15 15 years ago

"You jazz handed douche." - Gay Gary (speaking for the deaf lady)

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[–] mmc11220 15 years ago

"You are a hot cup of *beep* --Gay Gary. Hilarious.

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[–] irishhelden 14 years ago

Yes, fully agree that "you jazz-handed douche" is definitely in the Top 3!!

I also like (loosely quoted)
Boss: "Look, none of that matters now. The fact is a bum has stuck his penis inside of Tim. That much has been established. That much is known..."

~~~~~
You wanna talk some jive? I'll talk some jive! I'll talk some jive like you've never heard!!

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[–] barkingspider_99 15 years ago

"If any Eagles fans wanna suck my COCK, now's the time to do it!"
- Stu's Dad

"HEY LADY! YOU'RE RETARDED!" *throws can a lady's face*
- Stu's Dad

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[–] justin-243 15 years ago

"Is it me or was that unnecessarily high production value?"

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[–] Killer_Wolf 15 years ago

“Why else would I come to a game? I’m here to insult people, to yell ‘Cock.’ I can’t yell ‘cock’ at work. One time I yelled ‘cock,’ and people said, ‘What’re you yelling?’ I said ‘cock’ and they said, ‘Don’t do that!’ I almost got fired!”
--Jeff Garlin

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[–] vandral 15 years ago

"Look how small this little guy's foot is. Who's the.. who's the guy that's drooling on himself"
"Is that your baby talk?"
"I'm getting warmed up if you don't mind."

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[–] 15 years ago

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[–] BrianZKing-1 15 years ago

"Hells yeah I object, that's my beatch!"

"H-Hells yeah I object, that's, that's my beatch?"

"Are you **** kidding me?"
"I must be. Let's forget I said that."

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[–] PinkFloydianMind 15 years ago

I'm just a simple man from the hills of mexico

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[–] 15 years ago

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[–] Killer_Wolf 15 years ago

Boss: Do you know any Spanish?
Tim: Just enough to get me through an inspirational speech.

Tim: Hola, hola, hola, hola.
Translator: Hi, hi, hi, hi.

Tim: Tres preguntas que quiero.
Translator: Three questions I want.

Tim: Dónde está el cuarto de baño?
Translator: Where is the bathroom?

Tim: El cuarto de baño es bueno.
Translator: The bathroom is good.

Tim: Arroz y pollo.
Translator: Chicken and rice.

Tim: Gracias.
Translator: Thank you.

Tim: Hola.
Translator: Hi.

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[–] WhiteThunderMullet 15 years ago

"Chest hair TAPED to your chest"

The boss describing Tim naked in the hot tub omg I was dying.

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[–] Mickyfinn 15 years ago

"Is it me or was that unnecessarily high production value?"

Refresh my memory - what was that from?

You just have to be resigned-
You're crashing by design

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[–] funbox 15 years ago

The HR lady's video of Tim and Stu's attempted threesome.

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[–] Mickyfinn 15 years ago

Thanks

You just have to be resigned-
You're crashing by design

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[–] bartallenii 15 years ago

"In order to acknowledge the irony, I'd have to learn two new words, and I'm not doing that." - Police officer

"NEVER tell a women to put her boobs away. Not even if they're on fire." - Stu.

"I'm going to bang her. Bang her. Bang her. Baaaannggggg heeeeerrrrr." - Stu

Mama always said sex is like a box of chocolates, the ones with the cherries are better.

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[–] Feuerbach 15 years ago

"Stu is gonna get it weeeet." --Stu

"Tim. Timothy. Timbo. Terrible name..." --The Boss

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[–] FinnieBinnie 15 years ago

"Susan is DEAF, Tim." -- Gay Gary

"Oh, you are upsetting, OH, you are upsetting." -- Gay Gary

"You are a hot cup a' *beep* Isweartogod. I agree with EVERYTHING she said." -- Gay Gary

"You can't get a robe like THIS at Macy's." -- Gospel lady at the church, when Tim wasn't singing.

Tim: Hola, hola, hola, hola.
Translator: Hi, hi, hi, hi. -- Tim pretending to be hispanic.

"*beep*! I dropped my burrito. I just dropped my *beep* burrito." -- Blonde co-worker at OmniCorp.

"Good heavens, he's urinating on my foot!"
"Pissed on my foot." -- Amy's dad.

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[–] Strong_Mad 15 years ago

Are you ready to get Stu'd?

A squid eating dough in a polyethylene bag is fast and bulbous. Got me?

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[–] t_d_f 15 years ago

Tim... And Stu.... And Marie the HR lady gunna get naked and do the funky stu... Tim and Stu... Tim and beef stu.

Stu freaking out after Marie says yes - Arrrghhh arrgghhhh, arghhh, Its like this taste of battery acid in my mouth.

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[–] The-Peake 15 years ago

This only just started showning in the UK, but here's one from last night that killed me (but not really):

(Tim openes the door, enter Maurice)
Maurice: You got my money, bitch?
Tim: What kinda entrance is that?

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[–] david01-1 15 years ago

"Sooner or later i am just going to stop talking. Talking has gotten me no where in life." -Tim

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