Online Review

There's a useful review at this page: http://www.gallifreyone.com/review.php?id=fan-abducted

What we have here is a real oddity, an 'adult' movie featuring Skaro's finest. Yes, really. Due to the fact that the makers didn't bother to get permission from the Nation estate to use the Daleks (and with such innocent fun as comical Blue Peter items as DVD extras being refused it's hard to see how they would have OK'd this) suffice to say you might find it tricky to track a copy down of what is essentially a fan film. Whether you'll want to is another matter, but in the interests of science (ahem!) I present the following review…

First up, despite what any tabloid papers may have stated Abducted By The Daleks is not a pornographic film, as there quite simply isn't any real sex in it (OK – there's a laughably tame and unconvincing lesbian scene, but that's it) – there is however, a hell of a lot of naked female flesh on display, so perhaps the best label to hang on this would be as an sexploitation film. In such a film the actual storyline is virtually irrelevant, but the basic plot runs as follows: four nubile young girls crash their car after running down an alien (a generic 'grey' alien – whose presence is never explained) and have to make their way on foot through a forest where a serial killer has been active. Before any human pervert can make merry with our heroines however they are transmatted up to an orbiting Dalek spaceship, where the deadly pepperpots perform a number of experiments on them (including shooting them between the legs, which induces a hilarious knock-kneed chicken dance from one of the girls). One of the girls manages to survive and escape back to the forest, only to fall into the clutches of both the Jason Voorhees-esque serial killer and the equally spooky guy who is hunting him down, but thanks to the interference of the Daleks she survives to tell the bizarre tale…

Now, by anyone's definition Abducted By The Daleks is pure rubbish. As a piece of drama it's shockingly inept, and as erotica it's really too mild for any but the most pornographically deprived Whovian pervert to get off on. But – and it's a big but – this film is so unutterably bad that it might well just come out the other side and be so bad it's enjoyable. Firstly the acting is horrendous – I though bad porn acting was a cliché, but these girls have it down to an art. Firstly only one of the girls is English and the Eastern European girls struggle with the English language. On top of this the outtakes makes it clear that no-one has actually bothered to learn their lines – in the opening car sequence the girls are just woodenly reading the script off of their laps, and the resulting dialogue is so awful it's hilarious. The film also apparently took so long to complete that one of the girls had to be recast halfway through, which leads to an inspired moment of idiocy straight out of The Mind Robber's temporary replacing of Fraser Hines, as one of the girls comes out of the transmat and delivers the immortal line – "My body seems to look different... Oh, I have really changed – the molecular structure must have reformed and lost some of the DNA instructions."

As to the Daleks themselves, two of them look absolutely fabulous and very authentic. Unfortunately though there is also a third Dalek that looks very shabby and homemade, and has an amusing shrunken head and slats hanging off of the back of it. Still, the croaky voices and 'Exterminate!'s are all present and correct, though the new Dalek catch-phrase of 'You idiot!' is so jarring it's hilarious. In the end it's these little oddities that keep the film watchably fun – any other time a low shot where you can clearly see the Dalek operators legs pushing away would be distracting, here it's the sort of tat that makes it such cheesy fun.

The DVD comes with a painfully extended serious of outtakes where one can appreciate just how hard it was to edit together the girls 'acting' even in the poor form it is in the main feature.

If the 3rd Dalek cinema movie had been released as a no-budget 1970's soft-porn film, then it wouldn't have been a million miles away from this knowingly cheesy flick. Abducted By The Daleks is either so bad it's good, or just plain awful – if you do enjoy it it will be in an ironic way simply because it is so bad its funny. Personally I quite enjoyed it.

I wonder if Davros will turn up in the sequel?