Stupid Conspiracy Theory Tricks
Top Ten Stupidest President Kennedy Assassination Theories:
10. Oliver Stone did it knowing the subject would one day make a great movie. (His alibi was being in school halfway across the country—but he sure gained enough from it!)
9. The “umbrella man” theory: Louie Steven Witt appears in the Zapruder film, seemingly inexplicably raising a black umbrella on a sunny day. He was accused of using this to either signal marksmen, or to fire a poison dart concealed within the umbrella. Appearing before the House Select Committee on Assassinations, Witt, who still had the original umbrella and brought it as an exhibit, creating a light moment in the proceedings, stated that he actually had the umbrella to taunt JFK over the Kennedy family’s World War II Nazi ties.
8. a) The driver, William Greer, was in on it and slowed down to allow the gunman better aim. b) The driver himself turned and fired a gun which neither anyone else in the car, anyone watching on both sides of the road, or most of the millions who eventually saw the films by Abraham Zapruder and Orville Nix ever noticed.
7. James Files fired the final shot from the Grassy Knoll. (Update to the "Just when you think you've heard them all" file: apparently now some poor sucker has confessed! http://www.newsmax.com/Newsfront/Newsmax-TV-I-Killed-JFK/2014/11/13/id /607211/ )
6. Walt Disney had it done because he was angry that Kennedy liked Old Yeller better than Savage Sam. http://wikibomb.wordpress.com/2010/07/06/walt-disney-kennedy-assassin/
5. Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone.
4. Kennedy's wife Jackie had it done because she was angry about fill in the blank.
3. Every time I look this up, I hear a new one. Someone proposed that Scanners made Kennedy's head explode (as in the 1981 movie). http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/1018315-scanners/ If Jackie was one, I guess it could have been her.
2. Kennedy was not killed. At least one version has him removed from office while one has him surviving incapacitated on Aristotle Onassis’s private island.
1. Suicide.