Jesse and self-acceptance

Acceptance doesn't mean approval. Jesse didn't appreciate the difference.

The counselor accepted who he was and what he'd done, warts and all. It's fundamental to such programs to take an honest inventory of oneself, sparing nothing, the good the bad and the ugly. But that's not the same thing as approving.

So when Jesse provoked the counselor by saying, somewhat disingenuously, that he was "only" there to sell the group meth, and the counselor replied that he wasn't "ok" with it, that didn't mean he was, or had ever been, "ok" with killing his child.

The purpose of therapy is to help facilitate change deep inside because that's the only way to achieve lasting change. The counselor admits hating himself for a long time, but "it didn't stop me from drinking and getting high. It just made it that much worse." So there wasn't deep change, even though he'd done something so horrific.

Guilt is a useful signal telling us we need to change, but when it becomes a fixation it's just another form of addiction. It's no longer a motivation for change, and instead it destroys that desire and reinforces the same destructive state of mind. Self-hate is a tag-team partner. If you're listening to these signals over and over you can't hear others, or conceive different thoughts, which might have a beneficial effect on you, and on those with whom you share your life. But again, acceptance does not mean approval.


"You must not judge what I know by what I find words for." - Marilynne Robinson