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100 things I learned from watching Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li

posted 15 years ago by Ghost_Shift
42 replies | jump to latest

Yes, it's that most revered thread to have ever graced a movie page! The idea is simple, write down in ascending order things that you may have learned from watching this film. Of course the idea is to make them humorous and witty. Good luck!

1. Bison can be Irish if he wants to be - He's Bison after all.

2. Obviously Vega wasn't the emergency "back-up" Bison intended him to be.

3. It's so easy to mistake someone as dead when you find their necklace on the floor of a burned down house.

4. It seems there's another way to pronounce the infamous crime organisation - Shadaloo, Shadowlaw and now Shadolao.

5. If you see Gen charge up energy in his hands - don't freak out! It's normal.

6. If you spot a bomb, there's always enough time to warn everyone about it, organise a straight line out of the door, a quick look around, then to jump out of the building all before the bomb sets off. Maybe someone should fix that...

7. A hot, bad-ass female cop on the edge who doesn't play by the rules is always grounds for "liking' the job.

8. A movie based on a fighting game that only features 2 special moves? Blasphemy.

9. When Bison says "You will not stop me", he doesn't necessarily mean it.

10. No wonder Vega hides behind his mask - he's actually a superstar alternate hip hop artist.

11. It's been a while since Balrog and Gen have seen each other.

12. Oh and it's also been a long time since Bison and Gen have seen each other.

13. Oh and it's been a long time since Chun Li and Bison have seen each other.

14. Oh and it's been a long time since Bison and Rose have seen each other.

15. Oh and it's been a long time since Chun Li and her dad have seen each other.

16. Melons. The ultimate weapon.

17. Balrog likes to lift a lot of phallic objects...and he's a pretty good postman too...nice to see that boxing career got him somewhere.

18. Chun Li's not a school girl anymore.

19. Chun Li wanted Cantana to give a message to Bison, "the school girl's all grown up". Maybe Balrog should have delivered the message...

20. Liu Kang from Mortal Kombat makes a good Gen from Street Fighter.

[–] 15 years ago

[deleted]

[–] polexia_rogue 15 years ago

someone witty needs to add to this.... this is the best I can do.

21. If Charlie is a millitary officer in the near future (I assume the Chris Kelin chatacter is a pre-military Charlie) boot camp must really whip the sexual/stupidity out of him.

[–] 15 years ago

[deleted]

[–] 15 years ago

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[–] powerfull_jedi 15 years ago

23. Internet works diferently in Thailand
24. When Nash screams "Bomb! Everybody out.", he was breaking the forth wall
25. If you look like Chun-Li you get a free eggroll
26. You can walk around most of the slums and not get mugged
27. Irish grow up with an Irish accent, even if they didn't live most of their whole life in Ireland
28. You will randomly run into people from a particular secret order
29. Balrog's a boxer and moonlights as a mailman
30. Lesbians want to get it on with complete strangers
31. Lesbians also make great punching bags
32. Detectives dress like sluts
33. When on a stake-out pretend to make out, the villains obviously never seen movies
34. Nobody knows Ryu's full name
35. Street Fighter tournaments, albeit underground and possibly illegal bouts are published in a local newspaper
36. Bison's greatest weakness is actually dust from falling debris

[–] youngsavage 15 years ago

37. Even in Thailand, the rapper Ace Hood songs play in clubs and Nash's car. Guile must have sent him a CD.
38. When your father gets killed by a teenage girl, you show no affection.
39. Balrog forgot his boxing gloves in the trunk
40. Michael Clarke Duncan would beat up any costume artist who wanted to give him an actual Balrog haircut
41. Bison forgot his General uniform attire in trailer

[–] kanjimanji 15 years ago

42. Bison transmuted his psycho powers to his daughter at birth
43. Bison can get women agrreeto become his wifes and go hike up in a cave, out in nowhere
44. Good characters carry medallions
45. Everyone has a price
46. Bison walks through the raindops
47. Balrog cannot lower his voice even when he has to
48. Women never carry money when going to a club
49. When you pull a rope in the harbour, stuff comes down rolling on top of villain's head - guarenteed

[–] julesjule 15 years ago

50. Guns r obsolete, when u wanna kill a single person, launch a missile instead
51. Never pay for drugs and doctors, ask Gen to heal u
52. Thailand has SWAT teams (anyone noticed this?)
53. Gen is everywhere - subway, Chinatown, Bangkok
54. Thailand ministers r the easiest to coerce
55. They r the easiest to eavesdrop too
56. To smuggle something in Thailand, u need to bribe the Secretary of Commerce. apparently the Port Director doesnt hv enough authority.

[–] peterblades 15 years ago

57. Creators haven't seen The International to see what it means to be an Interpol agent.
58. Laws of physics were made by some dimwits... 45 kg skinny girls CAN produce enough kinetic energy to knock out 4x70kg thugs with one/two kicks each...
59. Producing a ball of concentrated energy/plasma between your hands doesnt create a flux in a time-space continuum and a subsequent implosion of the universe.
60. Upon death in the family, u leave your mansion, servants, loaded account and a famous pianist career and u go to live in the slums.
61. Thai Cops and Interpol agents drive/ride top of the line bikes, Beemers and live in CEO level 500K apartments where they park their superbike next to the shower.
62. All the main Bangkok crime bosses come to meetings without their bodyguards and weapons.
63. Vega wasn't Spanish, he's a BEP.
64. When Bangkok police shuts the case down it also leaves the building and cleans the office.
65. Fear of broken limb during the interrogation is bigger than fear of death when your boss learns that u disclosed vital information.

[–] TwoMushrooms 15 years ago

66 - If you receive a weird chinese letter and take it to a strange old woman who tells you to abandon your wealthy life and go find some unknown person somewhere in Bangkok, you instantly take her words as absolute truth.

67 - If someone important had a spiderweb tatooe on him, it is a good idea to do an instant flashback to that scene, even though those evens took place about 15-20 minutes ago.

68 - Violent thugs in Bangkok are apparently caucasian and speak perfect English.

69 - Taboo can not act. Even if it is for something as simple as screaming "you bitch".

70 - Chris Klein can not act either. Unfortunately, in his case, he is actually supposed to be an actor.

71 - When doing a stakeout outside a club, you fall asleep after about 20 minutes and have to be awakened by your sexy partner.

72 - Chun Li can do her best special move way before her training is even complete.

73 - Changing characters from how they are in the games can work for some movies. In this case, it did not.

74 - Chun Li is not too proud to hump and grind dirty with a sexy lesbo in a club.

75 - Gen is not too proud to use broken pipes and gas to kill his enemies.

"Remember, guns don't kill people. Dangerous minorities do."

[–] thelonely 15 years ago

I laughed at powerfull jedis no. 24 "When Nash screams "Bomb! Everybody out.", he was breaking the forth wall"

That is probably the funniest thing i have ever read on a "100 things I learned from watching..." list.

I'm still laughing...

[–] aerosmith777 15 years ago

Could not agree more. #24 was the funniest thing I have ever read on an IMDB board.

[–] Lordax 15 years ago

76. Super hiper mega boss kills your father in front of you and he plans to kill you around 1 minute later but he ALWAYS will leave the second in command to do it (he didn't watch Austin Powers) and as he didn't watch either an Austin Powers movie, will leave 2 recruits to kill a non-school-girl-anymore. Classic.

[–] Dr_Sagan 15 years ago

77. Granf mas spalk gnaas da rap

78. tiri biri miri kiri kouli bouli tsouli mouli

79. Gamisaki kolaraki poutanaki

[–] rohonnag 15 years ago

80. when the port authority officer double crosses you and sets you up, all you do is ask AGAIN, nicely

81. if your father is being kidnapped, all you do is go upstairs and watch quietly, never thinking to call the authorities

"Everybody knows you never go full retard" - Kirk Lazarus

[–] destroyerwod 15 years ago

Its been a couple time i readed that, what does "break the fourth wall" mean? I do know the words but dosen't the expression, i am not native english speaker...

[–] WhoopsieThree-D 15 years ago

Breaking the fourth wall is when a character directly addresses the audience or acknowledges the fact that they're fictional.

Logan, buddy. It's me, Deadpool! I shot youuuuuu....

[–] Omega_Redbull 15 years ago

82. If you start practicing martial arts too young you risk mutating your whole genome turning from asian to caucasian.

83. The directors know and played the actual Street Fighter game as many times as the number of acting lessons the cast had.

84. Moon Bloodgood is the new sexy element filler on fail movies.

85. If you have a bullet wound and Gen takes care of you he will first let you take a nap, there is no hurry for antibiotics or cleaning up wounds when you have healing hands

[–] destroyerwod 15 years ago

AH !!! ok its that, thanks for the info...

[–] SayHelloToMyLittleFrenemy 15 years ago

86. Chinese Bamboo, very strong...........................sorry wrong film!

[–] heavens_gatekeeper 15 years ago

87. when Chun-li puts her legs around you, you end up on your back..

[–] Kryotu 15 years ago

88. shadowloo is apparently pronounced shadow-lao now
89. the "Insomnia" club owner likes death note (anyone notice the font that the sign had?)
90. no one knows how to pronounce "Ryu"

"The closer you get to the light, the larger your shadow becomes" - Kingdom Hearts

[–] arkom24 15 years ago

91. Even though you lived a pretty good life in Hong Kong, with maids and servants, when you go to Bangkok you end up living on the streets.

92. The Thai Police has a hot chick that is a detective and does not speak Thai.

93. Bangkok City Hall is a high rise building, when in reality it is only 3 stories.

94. A white guy as a baby can look asain.

[–] shanestgermain 15 years ago

70. Nash Loves his job

I'm gonna eat your brains and gain your knowledge

[–] kunomasai 15 years ago

95 - Even though you spend the majority of your life in China and Hong Kong, you will be unable to speak Mandarin or Cantonese with any sort of fluency.

96 - Milk has an expiration date.

97 - A hit directly to the chest with enough force to send you flying backwards will merely leave you breathless with no internal damage.

98 - Old friends don't get along well.

99 - It is much easier to smuggle a single person in a container on a cargo ship than it is to send out a private jet.

100 - World class assassins can easily be defeated by throwing saw blades at them.

[–] superstarstatus 15 years ago

101. Bison and Balrog do not age but Chun-Li does.

"Be a man, Lloyd! Or as much of a man as you can be!" -Ari Gold

[–] 15 years ago

[deleted]

[–] crazyhellboy 15 years ago

I guess I'll start this one up again...

1. Pregnant women who give birth in caves have cute babies.

I shall call him Squishy and he shall be mine and he shall be my Squishy.

[–] mark2115 15 years ago

2. Black, not white, is the combination of all colors.
3. The first thing to do when Balrog breaks into your house is to yell his name at him.
4. Random Bangkok street thugs are white, speak fluent English with an American accent, and appear to be fully trained in martial arts.
5. This is the worst movie I have ever seen.

[–] monstermaniac 15 years ago

6. In Bangkok, you better just park your bike in your home, safer there.

7. Vega has watched the Friday the 13th movies too many times.

8. Bison sure enjoys his wine and caviar.

9. Free egg rolls rock.

10. Always drop your drink when a lady is present.

[–] aerosmith777 15 years ago

11. Vega is what happens when Jason Voorhees has a child with Freddy Krueger.

12. Apparently in Hong Kong you need not fear kidnapping someone and leaving 2 witnesses, despite the fact that you are a highly recognizable businessman.

13. Driving down land value, buying it up cheap, and then gentrifying it is ALWAYS the plot of villains in terrible movies (see: Robocop 3, Police Academy 6, Romeo Must Die, and although it wasn't a bad movie, Superman I).

[–] wavemaninawe 15 years ago

14. Shooting at kids who are grocery shopping is a non-issue in Bangkok. Shooting at kids who play football is highly offensive and likely to get you meloned to death.

15. keeping the ghetto safe is not a full time job. It's actually a whole heap of part time jobs consisting of things like; sweeping the streets, getting beat up in airports, stalking school girls that don't look like school girls no more, having your house blown up and hiding out in back alleys while school girls are doing most of the fighting.

16. Thai gay women will lock themselves in the restroom with their sex interest, to make sure that they score.

17. It shows poor manners for a man to grab a woman and try to escort her of the premises when she's trespassing on restricted property. It is proper manners for the woman to beat up the man when he refuses to reveal confidential information to her.

17. Thai SWAT get no respect.

18. In Bangkok, the correct way for a bi-curious girl to show that she's had a change of heart, is to beat the stuffing out of her gay courter and tell her that "the school girl has grown up".

19. Thai SWAT garotte suspects... unfortunately, it doesn't help their image.

20. Bison doesn't understand the finer details of 'cesarean'.

Priests adore prophets, prophets resent priests

[–] poeboy7 14 years ago

21. Hot Gangland Homicide detectives who grew up in Bangkok will speak perfect, Thai-accent-free English.

22. If you are on a stakeout and don't want your target to spot you, the best thing to do is make out with your stakeout partner, making sure that neither one of you can see your target for a long enough period of time to allow the target to get into one vehicle, climb through it, get out, get into another vehicle, and drive away. Then stop kissing and remind each other that "It had to be done."

If you love Bacon and are 100% proud of it copy this and put it as your signature! WWBD?

[–] nodrog97 15 years ago

12. Apparently in Hong Kong you need not fear kidnapping someone and leaving 2 witnesses, despite the fact that you are a highly recognizable businessman.
aerosmith777,that was the first flaw i drew up in my head.why not pickup the phone and call the police."my husbands been kidnapped and a huge black guy punched me in the face"surely these are grounds for some criminal case.also it was a rather elaborate plan by gen to get chun li to bangkok.he just happens to time his humiliating beating by a bunch of thugs with chun li leaving the metro.

[–] reijeanmiles150 14 years ago

23. Despite having a character who, in the mythology of the game this is based on, can do a flash kick. He'll just run around with a gun while Chun-li apes one of his signature moves.

24. In a story set before the entire mythology on which it is based, it's ok to create a time paradox by killing off main villians in fairly permanent ways.

25. Apparently nobody in Thailand actually speaks the language

[–] asia-13 14 years ago

26. Chris Klein is the Nicolas Cage of his generation..and that's NOT a compliment.
27. When the missle is being fired by Clark Duncan you can clearly see "Chun Li" being thrown to VERY soft fake cement. Special cement only made in Bangkok.
28. A hot female walking alone in a dangerous alley..will only hear spooky sounds but wont be mugged or raped.
29. Vega gets pissed when you kick at his mask.

Lord, I Apologize To the Starving Pygmies Down There in New Guinea ...

[–] Agent_of_Latveria 14 years ago

30. Having healing hands only work on other people.
31. If you are a legendary martial arts master, you will always forget everything you know when fighting your nemesis.
32. Characters don't have to look anything like their source counterparts
33. Revenge movies don't need ANY plot
34. Stake-outs at loud clubs early in the night will make you pass out
35. Thai SWAT teams wear vests just for looks, they have no defensive qualities.
36. It doesn't matter where you grow up, if you are half white, you speak perfect english

-god, what a bad movie

[–] simba122504 14 years ago

37. Bangkok teaches you how to speak Russian.
38. White people can drop off white babies in Bangkok without questions being asked.
39. Black people can drop off black babies in Bangkok without questions being asked.

I'm glad Obama won, but I will not jump on the Pro-Choice bandwagon

[–] reijeanmiles150 14 years ago

40. You can recieve the seemingly fatal act of having head twisted on backwards, and a few weeks later set up a street figher tournament with great ease.

41. Vega can easily kill 7 average-sized men with no problem what so ever, but will get absolutely owned when going 1-on-1 with a waif of a woman

42. Chun-li's dad can kick major ass for some reason

43. To hell everlast, Kantana is the best punching bag on the face of the earth

44. It is better to give up crucial information to prevent a broken arm by another woman in liu of being beat to death by a supernaturally storng man in truely brutal and degrading fashion

45.Charlie Nash was a complete jackass before meeting Guile

46. C. Viper/Maya is a FREAK.

47. Rose appears in this movie simply so the producers could say they had another "character" from the games, despite having no resemblence to the character

48. C. Viper/Maya is the closest thing to an accurate character representation in this entire film

[–] Aimbotv3 14 years ago

49. If you are a legendary martial arts master, you are invincible. You can survive a missile attack, having your ribs smashed up by Barlog and two times by Bison. Also, in the final fight when your student is going up against Bison and you're still alive, just lay there, you don't need to help.

[–] Riotboy-1 14 years ago

50. Tonight's gonna be a bad night, Tonight's gonna be a bad night.... For Vega!

Look at the night sky, where does it end?
http://imdb.com/mymovies/list?l=15368636

[–] e-bowen2 14 years ago

51. Bison rid himself of his conscience... except towards his daughter.

52. Kristin Kruek's career is officially over.

53. Gen can walk down an alley and coincidentally find Chun Li.

54. Chris Klein's career is officially over.

55. Balrog is apparently more invincible than Bison.

56. Neal McDonough's career is officially over (if I Know Who Killed Me wasn't enough to get that across).

57. Bison is Irish.

58. Chun Li isn't fighting for revenge; she's fighting for REVENGE.

59. Back bar rooms of strip clubs have a basic door that will let you escape onto the roof.

60. If I was Vega... I'd hide that face, too.

"What happened to the American dream?"
"It came true! You're looking at it!"