Advice for Chris Knight

[deleted]

Chris, you were a good-looking guy before you married that succubus. In two short years, you look like you're 65. Anyone married to THAT, is going to get their life-force drained. That nasal-whine could kill weeds, and speaking of WEED, here's your out: tell that prize you married to quit smoking herb, or you'll divorce her. That nasally, whiney, whiney sound she uses to communicate with is bad enough, but she whines so sloooowly:

"Shut.... up. Shut.... up."

Of course, she'll be an even bigger nightmare without da ganja, mon, but at least you'll have something valid (her BIG drug problem) your divorce lawyer can present.

Dude, she's not even THAT beautiful! You've probably never seen her without her makeup on. If you can ever get her near the garden hose, aim but don't fire until you see the black of her mascara'd eyes, then pull that trigger as if your soul depended on it -- it does. She'll screech and screech, slooowly ("Chris... to... pher... what... are... you... do... innnng?!"), but she'll forget all about it a few hours later because of da ganja, mon ("Why... am... I... allll... wet? Am... I... hor... neee?").

If that doesn't work, and it probably won't. She probably uses the waterproof stuff, then seals it with shellac. You'll need a steam cleaner. Find out when the housekeeper's gonna steam the carpets. We all know Mrs. Succubus Knight doesn't do THAT, or cook, or do anything practical or helpful -- other than help make the Avon lady & interior decorators rich. You'll have to get her face close to that steamer head, so tell her you dropped a doobie. She'll be on her hands & knees faster than you can say "honey, I dropped a doobie." Use all of that incredible "thespianism" you used on the Brady Bunch when Marcia caught the football with her face:

MARCIA: My nose! My nose!

PETER: It doesn't look THAT bad.

Like this:

CHRIS: Honey, I think it rolled next to the steam cleaner.

SUCCUBUS: What's... a... steam... clean... er?

CHRIS: It's that thing with the smoke coming out of it... Actually that's a BONG. Take a hit, honey.

SUCCUBUS: Oh... Chris... I'm... soooo... hap... peee.

When she puts the nozzle to her mouth, nail her. It may take a few minutes for all of those layers of paint & shellac to disolve, but when they do, you'll see she doesn't look any better than Bonadouchie's wife!! At least THAT chick can sing. Well, good lick, dude. You need it.






"Shut... up. Shut... up." -- S.K.