Note to Gen. Hemmer re: Being Evil -- SPOILERS

Dear General Hemmer,

I regret to inform you that your application for Evil Overlordship has been rejected. While your intentions were suitably villainous, (the genocide was a nice touch) your methods were sorely lacking, and showed lack of preparation and foresight that your decades-long journey surely must have provided. Below are listed the particulars by which you failed to meet the high standards of the League of Cinematic Pricks.

Article 1: Your coup, while sinister, waited until the last moment. Had you taken control of the Ark long ago, your pilots would have been better conditioned to accept your political, as well as military rule. An unstable element of the military, especially an idealist officer, has ended many Evil plans. Though this was not the fatal flaw in your plan, it warranted mentioning.

Article 2: You seem to be unfamiliar with the concept of reconnaissance. "Go take a look" does not mean, "Start shooting before you know what's there". Simply because you are Evil, does not mean you have kill people the first time you see them. You are allowed to look first without revealing yourself; you may then proceed with your genocide after.

-Addendum: Piloting your ship in an orbit such that it perpetually obscures a moon and alerts the natives to your presence is the opposite of stealth.

Article 3: You possessed a terraforming device that would take 7 days to fully convert the atmosphere, and yet it would take mere minutes (perhaps hours if it was "Movie Time") for the released oxygen to reach an irreversible saturation. It seems likely the saturation would be irreversible regardless of where on the planet it were landed, also that, as an orbital ship, the Ark would be able to land the terraformer at the point on the surface furthest from civilization. Doing so would keep its operation a secret for the longest amount of time; allow you to spot oncoming assaults from a great distance; and force the enemy to travel that great distance, giving your operation the time needed to succeed.

Article 4: You are voice-acted by Brian Cox. While Mr. Cox is a talented actor, he has an unfortunate habit of playing one-dimensional, weakly justified, straw-man caricatures of villains. You sir, are one such villain.

These flaws served only to make what was intended to be an uplifting story of self-sacrifice and the victory of love and acceptance over hatred and war into an animation effects reel that would make any college student's resume proud. If you desire to present a portrait of Evil, and yet allow anyone to sympathize with your Evilness; if you desire to give meaning to the struggles the Good must endure to throw off the threat of your domination; if you desire to impart any kind of emotional response at your demise, either positive or negative on the part of the viewer: you will take these criticisms to heart.

Good luck, and may you find some other, better, movie to play in in the future.
Regards,
League of Cinematic Pricks

Michael Corleone, President
Hannibal Lecter, Vice-President
General Zod, Secretary
Captain Hank Quinlan, Sergeant-at-Arms
Casanova Frankenstein, Member at Large
Norman Stansfield, Member at Large