Very poor excuse for a documentary
Sharkwater is all about Rob.
Rob is poor, and he can’'t afford a shirt. Rob walks about looking concerned, he is good at looking concerned. He'’s especially good at looking concerned when he'’s on the phone without a shirt on. And Rob loves to say the word “"shark"”. "“Shark"” is Rob'’s favourite word.
Everyone in the world hates sharks (except Rob). We hate sharks because the media tells us to and we obey the media. Sharks are so evil we cut their fins off and make shark fin soup even though shark fin soup doesn’'t cure cancer. Rob is going to save the sharks because the sharks are kind & thoughtful. He is going to save all the sharks in the world (the world consists of Costa Rica and the Galapagos).
Rob has a friend called Paul. Paul is brilliant. And he has a big boat. He likes to use his big boat to smash up smaller boats. Because then the thoughtful sharks will be saved. Paul says lots of very clever things. He tells us that we’re heading for a Third World War if we don'’t stop eating shark fin soup. He tells us that the Third World War will be against ourselves. Because the first two World Wars weren'’t against ourselves. The First World War was against Voldemort. The Second World War was against dolphins. Who will win the Third World War if it’s against ourselves? I reckon it will be us.
The naughty people of Costa Rica arrest Rob and Paul for saving the thoughtful sharks. But Rob and Paul are crafty. Rob and Paul escape. And the terrible people of Costa Rica chase them with machine guns. But they get away. Yay!
But then…... Disaster! Rob is in hospital. He has an infection. He is certain to die. If he doesn'’t die he is certain to lose his leg. We see many shots of Rob looking concerned. Many of the shots show Rob looking concerned on the phone. But wait! If the red line on Rob’'s leg doesn’'t get past the other line he will be saved! What??? I mean yay!!! But wait! Rob can go home to save his leg. What??? I mean yay! But brave Rob doesn'’t want to go home to save his leg, he needs to get back to Costa Rica to save the thoughtful sharks. Hang on…, seems Rob'’s leg is ok after all. Not only is Rob still alive but he has two legs! What a great day for Rob. And for sharks.
Rob sneaks back to Costa Rica to save the thoughtful sharks. Rob knows he will be arrested if the evil people of Costa Rica spot him. But Rob is too clever for them, Rob wears a disguise. A shirt. Well done Rob. And to Rob’'s surprise everyone's been so inspired by him that they’'re all saving sharks. Yay. Well done Rob.
But poor old Rob. He’s now so poor he doesn'’t have a shirt or swimming trunks. But Rob doesn’'t mind, because he can finally go back to swimming with his friends, the thoughtful sharks. So Rob swims with the sharks in his underpants and the sharks are so very pleased to have their special chum, Rob, back that they don'’t bite his arms and legs off. Rob is brilliant at swimming in his underpants and holding his breath underwater. In fact, if we didn'’t know better we'’d think he was a shark (except sharks don't normally wear underpants).
Well done Rob.