MovieChat Forums > Me & You, Us, Forever (2008) Discussion > This is why divorce rates are so high!

This is why divorce rates are so high!

posted 16 years ago by bigbudgetplease
10 replies | jump to latest

America is sadly a Christian country, it's ideologies about marriage, the idealistic portrayal of love in their assemblies and media leads people to believe that love is real and can happen at even a young age. Every Christian couple I know that has gotten married after a short term of spontaneous dating has gotten divorced or separated. Movies like this don't help. You don't have to save yourself for marriage, your statistical chances of finding that "one" are so pitiful your odds of staying together are, to say the least, unromantic.

I don't mean to reign on dewey eyed idealists, but America's divorce rates are on the rise, there are more broken homes than ever, and it is surely in part due to the idealistic picture our media, largely Christian, paints of marriage and love.

[–] theminx-1 16 years ago

I must respectfully disagree with you on several points. First is the observation that ours is a Christian nation. One of the cornerstones of the Christian faith is the commandment of Jesus which states plainly, "If you love Me, you will keep my commandments." (John 14:15). The majority of Americans are not subscribing to the whole of Jesus' commandments by any form or fashion.

More specifically, let's address the subjects of love and marriage. Casual dating is not a Biblical concept. In Scripture, people didn't give themselves over casually to others without a heartfelt committment to the sanctity of marriage and a careful study beforehand of the character of the person to whom they committed. People get divorced not because the institution of marriage has failed them, but because they have failed the institution. The vast majority of real Christians I know have successful & thriving marriages.

On the issue of statistics, studies have shown that those who do save themselves for marriage not only have a lower divorce rate & healthier marriages, but prove to be more successful in life all around.

It'd be remiss of me to end here without discussing a little why marriages fail. Having spent many years in the field of private investigations, doing domestic surveillance and seeing firsthand why marriages go wrong, I think I've gotten a good perspective as to the root causes. Yes, you are correct in saying that movies & media tend to paint an idealistic view of marriage, not showing the problems and pitfalls that can occur along the way. It's not the fault of the institution of marriage, though. Bottom line, if everyone obeyed the commandment to love their neighbors (including their spouses) as they loved themselves, we wouldn't see a smidgen of the problems that we do. I've seen marriages breakup for the silliest reasons, like someone forgetting a birthday, or not taking the garbage out, etc. Rarely has it been because of deep-seeded character issues or abuse. Again, the institution of marriage is a wonderful, God-given thing, but like anything else, it will only work if entered into following the specific parameters by which it was designed. Taking the time necessary to observe a person's character before entering into a lifetime committment with them. Sharing the same values and goals & making them known on the outset. Resolving each day to putting maintaining relationship above the need to be "right." Seeking first to understand the other person instead of making being undertood paramount. Being quick to forgive, because we're all going to be in need of forgiveness for something sooner or later.

Love is not some force that falls on us & heavy-handedly compels us against our wills to do what it desires. Love is a choice, & it's a choice that must be made every day, with all the people with whom we have relationship, not just our spouses. Love is an act of our wills, & if people fall out of love, it is because they have chosen to do so.

Have you seen the movie? I'm going to see it tonight.

"Get busy living or get busy dying." Andy Dufresne (Tim Robbins), "The Shawshank Redemption"

[–] paperdialup 16 years ago

Whoa... big claims.
I'm curious to know if you've heard of any statistics to show a higher divorce rate in Christian marriages than in other U.S. populations? I don't write this to sound demeaning, I really am interested. I know that the Mormons have a shockingly low divorce rate (and no, it's not because they collect a new wife when one gets old.:))

I'm not sure that Christianity is to blame for an ideologic view of love, either. An ideologic view of love is, I think, universal. Hindu is an extreamly romantic religion, moreso in my opinion than Christianity. And its not just religion. If humans can't be ideological concerning love, what can we be ideological about?

Divorce rates are also on the rise in countries much less religious such as England, Swedan, and Russia.

BTW...
this movie sucked. Don't waste your money

[–] theminx-1 16 years ago

Hey there! No offense taken. Yes, I've heard the stats about divorce rates being higher in the church, but I must refer back to my point about nominal Christians vs. real Christians. Real Christians are those who embrace the whole of Jesus' teachings, as well as that of the apostles. If people were truly following those teachings, we wouldn't see the divorce problems we do. For example, Paul gives two different commandments to husbands. One is Ephesians 5:28--"In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself." The other is Ephesians 5:25--"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her." Think about the enormity of those statements! If people actually loved their spouses the way the Bible commanded, how different would marriages look like? The successful Christian marriages I've seen are ones involving people who've put these principles into practice.

I saw the movie. (I work @ a movie theater & get to watch them all for free.) It seemed to me to be more along the lines of a TV movie of the week, like something geared towards The Hallmark Channel. It definitely showed the signs of an independent film as far as production & acting quality. I think it was made for a specific audience, mainly Christians dealing w/ divorce, & for someone in that position, they'd probably like the movie more.

"Get busy living or get busy dying." Andy Dufresne (Tim Robbins), "The Shawshank Redemption"

[–] james676 16 years ago

Bob Jones University, the "ultimate" Christian College has the highest divorce rate among it's alumni and that's a FACT.

[–] theminx-1 16 years ago

Just because someone goes to a Christian college doesn't make them a Christian. I went to a Christian high school that prided itself on how godly it was, but most of the kids there were even worse behaved than the kids in public school. They weren't at a Christian high school because they wanted to be. They were there because their parents forced them to be. I met a bunch of those same kids in the year I was at a Christian college. Just because someone calls themselves a Christian doesn't make them one. Again, if people lived by the Christian principles taught in the Bible, the divorce rate wouldn't be what it is. Jesus said you'd know a true Christian by their "fruit," or their deeds. He blasted the religious leaders of his day about the subject of divorce, telling them God only allowed them to do because their hearts were hard & stubborn. These religious leaders thought they had it all together as far as God was concerned, but it turned out that God had more mercy & understanding for the very people the leaders condemned than for the leaders themselves. People who really love God & are living according to His Word are going to have good marriages.

"Get busy living or get busy dying." Andy Dufresne (Tim Robbins), "The Shawshank Redemption"

[–] lahredweik-1 15 years ago

I don't remember where, probably not that hard to find, but several respected psychologist use 50% avg. Christian marriages over 50%.

I absolutely think it is because our expectations are so high and our culture does not support it at all really. I don't doubt Mormons have a lower rate because they have cultural support.
Think about the movies/music etc... we engross our minds in.... Christians generally watch the same things.

For example, I just had a woman tell me how she loved Bridges ? Madison County. She finally realized she says how bad it was for her to put herself into a mindset of wanting this woman to cheat and leave her spouse. I think we are living in a fantasy world if you don't think that those mindsets don't fill our thinking and then our living.

Where can we be ideological about? God. Pretty simple. Everything else is human and fails. That said, we should try like crazy to make our marriage a good one. Think about how much effort you put into making them feel special and loved and wanted BEFORE you got married. Are you still doing it? What you sign a piece of paper and say I do and now that isn't needed any more? Duh. Do flowers stop needing water and sunshine when you get them home from the store?

I'll throw out one more. I think the oversexualization in our society, especially our movies and clothing in general, adds to the ruination of marriages and lessens the enjoyment of our sex lives. That grass looks SO green over there. . . ?

We're pretty happily married, but because we work on it and protect our marriage(like a cherished valuable but you get to use it daily). It will take that unless your parents really, really worked on marriage skills with you and so did your spouses parents.

Another statistic though is that if you PRAY together regularly which I guess to be mostly daily, the divorce rate is only ONE percent (I don't remember... Dr. Dobson, Dr. Smalley someone who'd know). Now there's a reason for hope!

[–] netrek 13 years ago

I agree. A family that prays together stays together!

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[–] 13 years ago

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[–] JointHeirMedia-1 16 years ago

Well, BIGBUDGETPLEASE, I understand your frustration, HOWEVER, it's comforting to people like me to know that only the Christian couples YOU know have gotten a divorce or separated after a short term of "spontaneous" dating. My wife and I are Christian, dated short term, and got married and are still together-- after TWENTY FIVE YEARS! The main reason is, that as Christians we sincerely look to the author and finisher of our faith-- Jesus Christ (after all, CHRISTIAN is a derivative of the name of the Messiah Whom we are supposed to be serving). As a believer, you should not look to the success or failure of others to gauge your own life and marriage by, but through the bible. After all, that IS the rule book for those of us who proclaim to be Christian. You wouldn't judge EVERY doctor by the malpractice of some. Every young Black man from the ghetto is NOT a gangbanger, every Corporate White American is not a bigot, every Christian can't be judged by the few who SAY they are, yet won't submit to the principles laid out in the "rule book." Trust me, I know. We've been through ups and downs and have been on the verge of calling it quits, but sincere prayer and reading the bible and seeking God on behalf OF our marriage has kept us HAPPILY together for 25 years.

[–] Aiwaz69 16 years ago

It is a know statistical fact that the highest divorce rates in America is among Baptists and Penecostals, and among states, the Red States, especially in the Bible Belt, have the highest divorce rate, and ironically, the highest for STDs and teen births. I can't say however you can blame religious beliefs because divorce is also very high in more secular Europe, along with increase rates also for STDs and drug use (especially Russia).

Loving Jesus allows me to hate you...
I bless you in the name of the Father, Son, and Yog-Sothoth!