MovieChat Forums > Priest (2011) Discussion > 10 things I learned from Priest.

10 things I learned from Priest.

posted 13 years ago by CountJonnie
5 replies | jump to latest

1) Paul Bettany didn't learn from Legion.
2) Cam Gigandet can't act. Paul Bettany can, but he won't.
3) Hive guardians are too large to fit in the hive.
4) Movies can rip off Blade, Judge Dredd and Pitch Black at the same time.
5) Staring at a bottomless pit for 3 seconds is enough to declare it's abandoned.
6) It's a vampire movie. But 'Hicks' needs to get explained why it's smart to have his guns ready when it's dark.
7) Priest is a factory for one-liners that would make Schwarzenegger do a face palm.
8) Whatever the budget or effects, they still can't make vampire teeth look real.
9) Armored trains have wooden floor which you can punch through.
10) Good guys will survive any accident with a train.

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Suggestions?

[–] mrskoda 13 years ago

11) Fashion designers favour the colours black and brown, after the apocalypse. Unless you're young n' pretty, in which case you can wear white.
12) Oriental males practice comedy kung fu when they're scheduled to be cannon fodder; so you'll foresee them dying in a silly way from miles off.
13) Hive guardians can smash through jagged rocks without breaking skin, but a knife with a Priest on it can easily gut them.
14) 30 years of cinema showcasing humanoids jumping and flying in superhuman ways, still can't produce a realistic looking jump shot.
15) When stepping on stones which are flying through the air, Newton's third law of motion does not apply. Much like Super Mario.
16) Point 15 may be explained by Einstein's law of relativity, because the audience observes such incredible scenes in such slow motion.
17) Only humans, vampires, chickens and bats, can exist in this post-apocalyptic world. No wonder McDonald's is out of business.
18) A 6inch knife blade can keep an 80kg man pinned to the wall of an armoured train.
19) After an explosion of an armoured train carrying vampire pupa, you will be surrounded by debris, but no vampire guts. Coincidentally, said debris will not have injured you either.
20) When you want to prove you're right; you can always pull an unsinged vampire head out of your arse to shock a congregation.

Signed

[–] bainf 13 years ago

LOL I am so much smarter now thanks, here are some more

21) Always approach a nest of vampires just before dark
22) Only use really really handy cross shuriken stars once in a movie
23) Make sure that your face make up cross stays the same quality in all scenes
24) Only use the auto pilot balancing on your bike when crashing it, but not to jump onto a train
25) To blow up a train, set your charge miles and miles away
26) Any other priest can only take one hit to the chest
27) As usual priests can only attack a boss one at a time
28) Pin preist to wall and attempt to burn to death, but shortly after offer to let him join you as part of the predetermined master plan
29) Every 18 year old girls mother in about ten years older
30) Any door, even prison or armoured train ones can be kicked in

[–] The_Inverted_Necroyeti 13 years ago

31) Blade Runner is the single-most ripped-off film in the history of science fiction; Aliens, a likely second.
32) Vampire reservations, pointless as they might seem when you've just won a war, are a good way of keeping plots alive.
33) When predictable moves don't seem to work, there's nothing like a good, quick prayer to break the deadlock.
34) Hollywood scriptwriters should consider retiring - or start using mind-altering chemicals for inspiration.
35) If you don't know what a vampire looks like, just photoshop some of the monsters from the Lord of Rings. Works great.
36) Vintage gramophones are still available in the distant, post-apocalyptic future.
37) People still dress like cowboys in the distant, post-apocalyptic future.
38) Clergymen are so stubborn and deluded that they refuse to see a vampire head even when it's right in front of them.
39) Always leave a door open for a sequel, should the film be a box-office hit.
40) Although the world seems to have undergone a large-scale nuclear war, you should still be able to find forests ans timber to build shacks - and floorboards of trains.

'Marxism is the opiate of the unstoned classes' - Art Kleps

[–] Hayley7 12 years ago

41 - if you possess the useful skill of being able to literally rip out the heart of highly trained opponents in a second, only ever use this skill once... and never again

42 - when vampires jump on B-characters, the impact itself will gorily rip the human apart... however when they jump on A-characters, they will just pin them to the ground while having a look around and smelling the air

[–] MightBiteYa 11 years ago

43) Warriors with rare talent that helps you win a war? Make them take a vow of celibacy so they don't produce more elite warriors.

44) Vampire compensation sucks.