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100 things we learnt from 'Bangkok Dangerous'

posted 15 years ago by spam-1420
110 replies | jump to latest

No "what we learnt from..."-thread? Though this was such a "WTF?" movie.

Well...

What I learnt from Bangkok Dangerous:

1. If 10 elite snipers shoot at one person for one minute they will all miss.
2. If you're on a date and you get mugged, shoot the robbers after you've knocked them out. Your date will understand.
3. All you need to know in order to assassinate well-guarded gangsters is a picture of what they look like.
4. Nobody - not even VIPs with a million security guards - has bullet-proofed cars in Thailand.
5.If your standing at a wall of water barrels, start shooting at each other while walking at the same pace, instead of running around.
6. Guarding towers have no protection at all. The guards just stand there, waiting to be shot.
7. If you want to get a secret out of someone, tell them that you're gonna cut their girlfriend's boobs off.

...

[–] vaibhavsking 15 years ago

The last one was funny :P

[–] tnilfo 15 years ago

What are the other 93 lessons?

[–] deckzone2000 15 years ago

8. Don't ask questions.
9. Don't take an interest in people outside of work.
10. Erase every trace.
11. Know when it's time to get out.
12. You don't get paid.

[–] mr_popcorn 15 years ago

13. There are mute pharmacists in Thailand.

That's what she said.

[–] aegothis 15 years ago

14. No matter where you are or what you have been through, there is always time to fix your hair.
15. When hopped up on enough adrenaline, bullets practically reload themselves.
16. The first people shooting at you will probably miss, so there is no need to duck or jump until they have fired a few rounds.

[–] Sailorp09 15 years ago

haha nice 15

[–] vanontom 15 years ago

This thread is pure win. (spam and aegothis especially.) Even so, this is too much eye rolling for one film, esp. after seeing Eagle Eye. I've also heard of brain implosions from too much "WTF" so be careful.

[–] blurx 15 years ago

17. When you say not to get close to anyone, you should do it anyways.

[–] jim2914 15 years ago

18. Never expect Nicolas Cage to be anything other than Nicolas Cage, no matter what the script.

Mister , You say three..you`ll never hear the man count ten.

[–] alch-1 15 years ago

19. I have a verruca on my big toe, its name is Eric

God is a comedian, playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
-Voltaire-

[–] jim2914 15 years ago

In that case, you should let Eric leave the comments? They would probably be more relevant!!

Mister , You say three..you`ll never hear the man count ten.

[–] 15 years ago

[deleted]

[–] omerwahaj 15 years ago

19. Burn everything you need to know about your contract so that you have only ashes to refer to if you forget something.

20. Burning an upside down picture of an elephant means that he is your next target; so throw all your heroin in its way so that he overdoses and it looks like an accident.

21. If you are the bad guy, keep the people you have already extracted all the information from alive so that the good guy has a reason to trash your hideout.

22. If you are the bad guy boss, stay in your hideout until the very last possible second when the good guy starts to shoot his way in, killing al your men one by one with a single gun.

23. It is a good idea to shoot yourself and your main enemy with the same bullet, as bullets travelling through your head rarely get deflected and will come out of the other side in a straight path and with enough velocity to kill the bad guy, whose head you have pressed against yours.

[–] i_m_top 15 years ago

I think you missed a few things about this thread, library. Like, for instance, that the comments should be, at least remotely, funny.

[–] senor_goodspeed 15 years ago

24. pointless villain sidekicks ALWAYS have stupid hair.

25. nic cage ALWAYS has stupid hair

[–] eric-549 15 years ago

26. nicholas cage has been reduced to making low-budget films in asia.

[–] jwood5699 15 years ago

27. If you are ever hired as a hit man in a foreign country the best way to blend in is to always be taking pictures. The camera is your cloak of invisibility.

28. A beer will take down the swelling but if you take Nick Cage’s last beer he will try to stab you in the neck. That is the first lesson.

29. We live in a city of Mirrors, glass and polished silver. Have eyes in the back of your head. Do you see the guy in the red jacket?

[–] mikexx 15 years ago

30. Making the girl mute saves on script-writing and acting fees (both are usually calculated by the line)....and who wants to write her dialogue anyway?

31. Hollywood glamor-boy assassins never wear disguises while mowing 'em down in broad daylight in an era of camera-phones capable of calling the cops wirelessly.

32. If you're a Hollywood glamor-boy, a leather jacket will not stick to you in Thailand's jungle humidity like a plastic bag in a hot shower.

33. Never take a single, well-aimed shot from concealment when emptying entire clips on the run will do....

34. ...speaking of which, it's a good thing that Magic Magazine-Replacement Fairies will provide you with an endless supply of fully-loaded clips when you're engaging in a running gun-battle with high-capacity pistols and have no time to stop and retrieve the ejected empty clips. The MMRFs will also ensure that your dozens of discarded empties and hundreds of spent shell casings do not contain your prints or traces of DNA.

[–] re_incarnate 15 years ago

35. You can properly aim the gun by using a small video cam without even having focusing centre point

36. looking into mirrors and reflective surfaces in the city will give you a pair of eyes in the back of your head, if you don't tough luck, no second pair for you

37. If you know a banker, he is likely to be an assassin, as assassins always pick a boring job to lie about their profession

[–] Grymling 15 years ago

nr. 31 To be honast, we all look alike in Thailand.

[–] CalvinFromWacarnolds 14 years ago

lol

[–] djdocraymond 15 years ago

Bingo!
100% accurate!

[–] Phroggy 14 years ago

19. If you take interest in a kid and want to teach him, treat him like dirt and he'll see you as a hero (I expected him to say "yes, bwana" at one moment or another…)
20. Killing bad guys (even if only for personal gain and disregard of collateral damage as long as they are fuh-rinners) automatically makes you a good guy.

[–] re_incarnate 15 years ago

Love the 100 things I learned while watching "X" threads ^^

[–] zimmyis 15 years ago

38. If you think it's time to "get out" of the hit-man business the moment you question your immoral job, then ignore this when you start to question your immoral job. Just stay in your job anyway, however much you think it might be time to "get out" of your job... but make sure you keep saying in your head "I think it's time to get out" throughout your next few jobs

39. Kill your employer

40. Giving a film a stupid, stupid title like "Bangkok Dangerous" results in a stupid, stupid film like Bangkok Dangerous.

[–] Orki72 15 years ago

41. Every movie of a contract killer is about the one victim he cannot shoot because he is "a good guy"

42. Connecting with a mute is easier in a foreign country

43. Every politician in the world is driven around in a convertible (before 1963, I guess)

44. Going in and out a swimming-pool does not leave traces and make sounds (same for Chuck Norris)

45. If you're so good in disappearing after the assasinations, disappear on the last job by killing yourself and enter the afterlife where anybody can follow you (it is a liitle metaphysical)

46. Always hire the first local guy you met and trust him with everything, although you don't know sh** about him

47. Never show any visible emotion on your face while killing, loving, thinking, eating, drinking, sleeping... (same for Steven Seagal, Dolph Lundgren, Stallone, Chuck Norris, Matt Damon...)

48. Never use your own weapon as a contract killer, always use weapons the bad guys send you. It'll give you spare time not to prepare and test it but to *beep* up your rules.

49. Maybe everybody of fifty percent of human population around the world is bad for somebody, so contract killing should have vacancies.

50. As Bangkok has a population of 12 million people, there will always be only one "Kong".

[–] zakaria-t 15 years ago

51: Assassins and politicians are the same.

[–] mikehawkenballs 15 years ago

52.Shooting a machine pistol left handed,at a moving target
which is a man in a moving boat while riding a motorcycle down a narrow
path at top speed is not only completely possible but encouraged.

53. No matter how much it costs
and no matter who has applied it
black hair dye still looks as natural
as the inside of a Twinkie.

[–] zrouse03 14 years ago

41: 42-100 isnt needed, because this thread is a waste of space... yet morons who dont know any better will still create them... It's just a movie... LMAO

[–] Mustang630 15 years ago

54. When, as an international hit man in a foreign country where you stick out like a sore thumb, it`s always advisable to have a goofy, immediately recognizable hairstyle resembling a troll doll in order to help you go unnoticed.

55. When making a movie about a professional hitman who kills his partners when he finishes with them, be sure to spend lots of screen time explaining how the hitman breaks his own rule, trains his partner to do the same job, and ostensibly sets the partner up to take over his business. Remember, at the end of the movie, ignore all of this setup and give no indication whatsoever that the "student" will use his training in any way, shape or form.

56. When your disposable lackey calls you "boss," it is okay. When you decide not to kill him but train him instead, wait until the next time he calls you "boss" and correct him by saying something like, "I`m not your boss, I`m your teacher." Do this only once. Every single time after this he calls you "boss," simply respond.

57. Whenever you buy a high-end motorcycle, always buy a spare. You never know when you`ll want to give one away as a gift to the person you planned to use and murder.

59. Anytime you`re in Thailand, it`s okay to walk/run/drive around shooting people. Once you kill someone, hang around the body with a gun in your hand as long as you like. No one will care, and the police will never investigate the murders.

60. When staying in a foreign country and trying not to attract attention to yourself, particularly as a paid assassin, it`s always a good idea to do lots of target practice in your back yard with watermelons.

[–] sanjeev_lucky20 15 years ago

61. Nic Cage and Tom Hanks are long lost brothers bonded by their hairstyle.

[–] ricedout 15 years ago

after about 20 something, it starts to really really suck and are not funny. btw if they are more that 2 sentences, no one will bother to read them too, cuz its a given that its not funny and will suck too.

[–] marknbkk 12 years ago

Mind your own business, buttercup. I'm reading all the comments as they are far, far more entertaining than the movie.

[–] BrrandBA 15 years ago

62. When you say "Hallo" in Thai you just get your hands together up to your face, eyes open; when you say "I am going to die" you just close your eyes.

[–] olavespedal 15 years ago

63. A nice pair of poolside boobs can make a 1/10 film into a 2/10 film