Reasons why Trek 2009 was Stupid and Poor Pt. 6

15. The Formula.

Kirk and Spock get to the outpost. Spock informs Kirk that an outpost is nearby. Anyway, there’s Scotty! Once again, how convenient! Well, Spock tells Kirk that he must go back and correct the problem, thus, gain command of the Enterprise and stop Nero. Of course, the best person to accomplish this goal is Spock himself. He is proof himself of what is happening and the best person to fix it, but he can’t go. Why? No reason. There are two transporter pad in what seems to be an inoperable shuttle so two can go, even though only Kirk needs to go, per Spock. But, because Scotty wants to go, he goes, even though it is supposedly “extremely” dangerous. Is that logical for him to be sent then? No it isn’t. But since this movie hasn’t followed a single shred of logic yet, why start now? [eyes2]

Anyway, we get to “The Formula” for trans-warp beaming, thus allowing transport light years away. Apparently, there aren’t any other limitations, i.e. additional power or advanced circuitry or anything. Thus, the power of an old inoperable shuttle’s transporters are enough to do the do. Even though the Galileo never had transporter pads, this one does. Does that reek of convenience once again? [eyes2]

Regardless or all that was mentioned, does Spock know the last known location of the Enterprise before jumping to warp? Does he know the speed they are travelling at? Does he know the schematics of the new Enterprise? So if Spock doesn’t know the rate and he doesn’t know the time, how is he going to find the distance?

"He knew where it was. He looked it up on the scanners. They just didn’t show it on screen."

Look at the place. Why would an OUTPOST have long range scanners that can detect ships light years away? What’s the point of it?[eyes2]

So, even if they could beam light years away, Spock would just be beaming them to some random coordinates. It wouldn’t even be an educated guess, but more like a shot in the dark. There’s your deus ex machina. Poor and Stupid.

16. Kirk redux.

Kirk is back on the Enterprise. He confronts Spock once again and as Old Spock has “counciled” him, he’s got to do something to assume command. So he goads Spock. He goads him and goads him while Spock REASSURES him, and the audience, that he’s still fit for command. [eyes2] Guess what happens next? Yep. Spock loses it. He goes on to bludgeon Kirk with a couple of haymakers and grabs Kirk by the throat in a murderous rage.

Meanwhile, back on the Enterprise bridge, what does everybody else do while this is going on? Nothing! They just watch like a fight in a playground. Does anybody try to pull Spock off? Does Bones even try that? Does Uhura the girlfriend say ANYTHING? Nope. Nobody does anything. But wait! Spock’s dad suddenly shows up on the bridge! Apparently, he was taking a stroll around the ship and just happened upon the bridge at that very moment! [eyes2]

Being that this is a Federation ship and they are under war conditions, civilians wouldn’t be allowed to roam the ship let alone gain access to the bridge without permission. But of course, this HAD TO HAPPEN. [eyes2]

"That’s Spock’s dad! Of course they’ll allow him to see his son!"

And Spock’s Pop is also a Vulcan meaning that he knows the rules of the ship and would normally abide by them as Vulcans are an orderly and logical race, at least in the Prime universe. [eyes2]

So upon Spock’s daddy saying his name, Spock is suddenly calmed from his murderous rage to release Kirk. However, he isn’t calm enough to retain his acting Captain status. He goes on to RELIEVE HIMSELF, thus putting acting 1st Officer douche as the new acting Captain.

Remember the moments that HAD TO HAPPEN? Here is the culmination of those events. If Sulu doesn’t fail to jump to warp, Kirk wouldn’t have had the time to warn Pike and the Enterprise would be destroyed along with the other ships. If Pike doesn’t make Kirk 1st Officer, his goading of Spock would’ve been all for naught as he wouldn’t assume command. If Spock doesn’t jettison Kirk, he doesn’t meet Old Spock and the Enterprise returns to the Laurentian system and Nero destroys Earth. If Nero doesn’t send Spock down to Hoth, Kirk doesn’t meet him and he gets eaten by some big monster and Nero destroys Earth. If Spock isn’t on Hoth, Kirk would’ve been stranded with nobody able to beam them back to the Enterprise. If Spock’s dad wasn’t strolling the ship at that exact moment in time, Kirk is murdered in front of the useless bridge crew. Thus, if ANY ONE of these things do not happen, it’s an end of story moment! Every ridiculous and contrived plot point MUST HAPPEN in order to arrive at this moment.

So, there is the string of implausible events all tied to each other and the movie still isn’t over! Yes. More stupidity and poor writing to come! Rejoice!