Gene Roddenberry's good name

lol. What the hell are you talking about.

Yeah, I didn't figure you'd be mature or intelligent enough to understand it and I can't dumb it down any more than that. 

You sound like your in pain. Are you in pain? Does it run in the family?

Anywho, please answer true or false to each statement below.

If you can't answer please try to answer anyways because it's a 50/50 shot that you will get it right. If you still can't answer, I understand.

Please complete the application at the end to continue.



TRUE/FALSE
You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.

The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it.

You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

You think a woman who is out of your league bowls on a different night.

You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.

Someone in your family died right after saying, 'Hey, guys, watch this.'

Your junior prom offered day care.

You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.

The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than you.

You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.

You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.

You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.?
Your dog passes gas and you claim it.

Your dog is attached to the same chain as your wallet??You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree to pee on.

You can entertain yourself for more then an hour with a fly swatter.

you own a home that is mobile and fourteen cars that are not. ?
You've ever stolen toilet paper.

Your property has been mistaken for a recycling center

There's an expired license plate hanging on your living room wall.

You have more car parts in your living room floor then on your car.?
your told you have something on your tooth and you take them out to see what it is!?
You've ever been pumping gas and another costumer asks you to check their oil.

You think the bud bowl is real.

You think "six to ten pounds" on the side of the pampers box means how much the diaper will hold.

You think the nutcracker is something you did off the highdive.

You've had a black eye and a hickey... at the same time.

you call your wife....Sis!!!!!

you call your hubby ....Cuz!!?
you go to family reunions to pick up chicks

Your chili's secret ingrediant comes from the bait shop.

You think a Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy.

Your lawn furniture used to be your living room furniture!

There is a stuffed possum anywhere in your house.

You hammer bottle caps into the frame of your front door to make it look nice. ?
You've ever shot anyone for looking at you. ?
You own a homemade fur coat. ?
Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat. ?
Your momma has "ammo" on her Christmas list. ?
You've totaled every car you've ever owned. ?
There are more than five McDonald's bags currently on the floorboard of your car. ?
Momma taught you how to flip a cigarette. ?
The Home Shopping Channel operator recognizes your voice. ??There has ever been crime-scene tape on your front door. ?
You burn your front yard rather than mow it. ?
You consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high-quality entertainment. ?
Fewer than half of your cars run. ?
You've ever been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys. ?
The tail-light covers of your car are made of tape. ?
Your car has never had a full tank of gas. ?
Your momma has ever been involved in a cuss fight with the principal. ?
You think a subdivision is part of a math problem. ?
You've ever bathed with flea and tick soap. ?
Your good deed for the month was hiding your brother for a few days. ?
Your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it. ?
Your momma doesn't remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the State Trooper to kiss her a--. ?
You stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Sue-Ellen to walk by. ?
Your favorite T-shirt is offensive in thirteen states. ?
You've ever been involved in a custody fight over a huntin' dog. ?
You're an expert on worm beds. ?
The dog catcher calls for a backup unit when he visits your house. ?
Your wife has ever said, "Come move this transmission so I can take a bath!" ?
Your family tree does not fork. ?
Your momma has ever stomped into the house and announced, "The feud is back on!" ?
There is a gun rack on your bicycle. ?
Your wedding was held in the delivery room. ?
Your soap on a rope doubles as an air freshener. ?
Your wife's hairdo attracts bees. ?
Your baby's first words are "Attention K-Mart shoppers." ?
The antenna on your truck is a danger to low flying airplanes. ?
Motel 6 turns off the lights when they see you coming. ?
You think a turtleneck is a key ingredient in soup. ?
You've ever stood in line to get your picture taken with a freak of nature. ?
Your anniversary present was getting the septic tank pumped. ?
Your local ambulance has a trailer hitch. ??You think the French Riviera is a foreign car. ?
You think you are an entrepreneur because of the "Dirt for Sale" sign in the front yard. ?
You're still scalping tickets after the concert is over

You pick your teeth from a catalog. ?
You've ever financed a tattoo. ?
You refer to the time you won a free case of oil as the "day my ship came in." ?
Your hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan. ?
Your mother has been involved in a fist fight at a high school sports event.

Your kids call your sister, mom.

You call the police because you think your child is hooked on phonics.

You ever tried to drown a fish.

You stopped watching the academy awards because "Smokey and the Bandit" was snubbed for best picture.

Your truck costs more than your house.

you wonder why your sun tan has gone after a bath.

The only condiment on the kitchen table is the economy size bottle of ketchup.

You think the theory of relativity has something to do with inbreeding.

You think harass is two words.

You have two first names.?
You mow the lawn and find a car.

The only teeth you have are on your comb.

Your wife and sister are the same person.

You and your grandma fight over the last pinch of Copenhagen.?
You dont go to family reunions because your whole family lives in the same house.

You get a tatoo on your ass that says flammable.

Your kid ever ask whether you want to be called dad or uncle.

You leave your fly down for cooling purposes.

Your son is up on the water tower spray painting your daughters name.

You've ever stared at a can of orange juice because it says concentrate?
You get married 3 times and still have the same reletives.?
You play "Sweet home alabama" on your touch tone phone.
?Your family recipe is illegal.?
Your dad walks you to school because you're both in the same grade.?
you need a screwdriver to open your truck from both the inside and out.??You have tires in your house and blocks under your car.?
You don't remember who's your mom your sister or your grandma.

You think trash T.V. is something in your backyard?
you have a pissing for distance contest and your grandma wins?
You might be redneck if you have ever played in a fart contest.
Probably more redneck if you begged to be the fart.
Even more redneck if your momma won the game.?



PLEASE COMPLETE THIS APPLICATION IF YOU WISH TO REPLY.
?
Plez compleet this paper, best ya'll can.
?Last name: ____________________________
?First name:?[ ] Billy-Bob [ ] Bobby-Sue?[ ] Billy-Joe [ ] Bobby-Jo?[ ] Billy-Ray [ ] Bobby-Ann?[ ] Billy-Sue [ ] Bobby-Lee?[ ] Billy-Mae [ ] Bobby-Ellen?[ ] Billy-Jack [ ] Bobby-Beth Ann Sue
?Age: ____ (if unsure, guess)
?Sex: [ ]M [ ]F [ ]None
?Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right
?Occupation:?[ ] Farmer [ ] Mechanic?[ ] Hair Dresser [ ] Waitress?[ ] Un-employed [ ] Dirty Politician
?Spouse's Name: _____________________________?2nd Spouse's Name: __________________________?3rd Spouse's Name: __________________________?Lover's Name: ______________________________?2nd Lover's Name: ___________________________
?Relationship with spouse:?[ ] Sister [ ] Aunt?[ ] Brother [ ] Uncle?[ ] Mother [ ] Son?[ ] Father [ ] Daughter?[ ] Cousin [ ] Pet (grandparents dont count)
?Number of children living in household: ___?
Number of children living in shed: _______?
Number of children that are yours: ______?
Mother's Name: _______________________ (Relation__________)?
Father's Name: _______________________ (Relation__________)?
Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)?
If you obtained a higher education what was your major??[ ] 5th grade [ ] 6th grade?
Do you [ ] own or [ ] rent your mobile home?
?Vehicles you own and where you keep them:?___ Total number of vehicles you own?___ Number of vehicles that still crank?___ Number of vehicles in front yard?___ Number of vehicles in back yard?___ Number of vehicles on cement blocks?
Age you started drivin ______ (If over 10 are you are still slow lerrnin ??[ ] Yes [ ] No)
?Firearms you own and where you keep them:?____ truck ____ kitchen?____ bedroom ____ bathroom/outhouse?____ shed ____ pawnshop
?Model and year of your pickup: _____________ 194_
?Do you have a gun rack??[ ] Yes [ ] No; If no, please explain:
?Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to:?[ ] The National Enquirer [ ] The Globe?[ ] TV Guide [ ] Soap Opera Digest?[ ] Rifle and Shotgun [_] Bassmasters
?___ Number of times you've seen a UFO?___ Number of times you've seen Elvis?___ Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO
?___ Do you hunt Bear? If so, please do not explain
?How often do you bathe:?[ ] Weekly?[ ] Monthly?[ ] Not Applicable
?How many teeth in YOUR mouth? ___?Color of teeth:?[ ] Yellow [ ] Brownish-Yellow?[ ] Brown [ ] Black?[ ] N/A
?Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer:?[ ] Red-Man [ ] Skoal
?How far is your home from a paved road??[ ] 1 mile?[ ] 2 miles?[ ] don?t know
?Distance between mobile home and Bubba's House of Beer ? ___
?How many times has you received a DWI this year?____

Lay off the meth. It is interfering with your AIDS medicine.

[deleted]