1, its too risky for a trained soldier standing 10 feet away, to hit a giant 14 foot bear without hiting a small mechanical device 6 foot away from the bear.
2, I know I learned that if one of your party is savagely killed by a super fast bear and you were at most 20 feet away, then the appropriate reaction is to calmly walk away and have no sense or urgency.
share3: Giant prehistoric bears have no obvious prey species aside from each other and the occassional human that teleports in.
4. When someone chops your hand off with a machete, apparently it doesn't hurt much. Kinda like stubbing your toe.
5. When you chop off someone's hand with a machete, you will not totally freak out, you'll just sort of look chagrined and say "sorry, I didn't mean to"...
6. Prehistoric/alien bears howl like wolves (it's more apparent when you have closed captioning on and see the words (bears howling) on the screen).
7. Even when you only have a handful of bullets for everyone, they seem to go a long way and everybody still carries all of the weapons everywhere.
8. Earthquakes that can tear a planet apart will only knock over one puny tree, which will also conveniently knock out the hero.
9. A puny little tree can knock a grown, physically fit man out cold.
10. Sean Patrick Flannery really needed to pay his rent (the only reason I could think of that he would make this movie).
11. If your love interest is dragged away into the forest by Prehistoric/alien bears, other people will hold you back (even though she was only a few feet away and you could have totally gotten to her) and tell you to just get over it and move on because it's too late.
12. If you decide to run after your love interest that has been dragged off by Prehistoric/alien bears, only take a small pocket knife with you.
13. A person can stay alive and even moan pitifully when the bottom half of their body has been ripped off.
14. Low-budget movies obviously only do one take per scene and use it whether there's mistakes or not.
15. If you're really rich you don't have to carry anything, you can just make your overweight lawyer do it.
I'm smitten. I'm in deep smit.
16. SPACEBEARS make the same movements in the same locations over and over again.
17. SPACEBEARS will only attack and/or eat solitary people. They rarely to never attack groups of people.
18. There is always a SPACEBEAR stalking your party.
19. If you lag more than a few yards from the rest of the group it will maul you and eat you.
20. Sometimes it will use you as bait. SPACEBEARS are smart!
21. The person in front doesn't use the machete, the second in line does. And they use it with no aim. They just swing it wildly and, as previously stated, have no reaction when mincing up their teammates.
22. Alien worlds look a lot like Nebraska.
23. People nonchalantly walk through a teleportation device, the most amazing technology ever invented and go about their business as if nothing happened.
24. Maximum viewing pleasure requires, one blonde, one brunette and one redhead.
25. Stephen Colbert was right. Bears are the #1 threat in the universe.
26. Medical officers are pretty useless. Don't bring them along.
27. BIG BEAR! BIG BEAR STALK ME!
28. It's a bear eat bear world.
29. About half way through the movie you realize what terrible choice you've made on a Saturday morning.
30. If you are in a big corporation lab to take sample of your ADN, its normal to see some flies in the room.
31. If you own one of the biggest corporation on the Earth and you have a chance to make some trillions profits with a new plant, you can only send 5-6 incompetants dudes to do the job.
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35. Affirmative Action is still adhered to by evil corporate bosses.
36. Piano music gives you the sense of dread required when tramping through alien forest.
37. Batteries last forever in this universe.
38. Earthquakes last 4 seconds.
39. A slight incline can become dangerous and cause near death, but the rest can easily walk down to hover around the injured girl.
40. No matter where you go, your giant tents are easily carried along.
41. Giant growling spacebears are known for their stealthy qualities and frequently pop up right next to you without you realizing it.
share35. In the future corporate leaders will still be douchebags.
36. And the woman that work for them will still be heartless, overly ambitious b***hes, dumbasses, or earnest aw-shucks heroine types.
37. Bears were the first species in space, and they left their DNA on alien planets.
38. Sean Patrick Flanery is not a good actor.
45. Space Bears don't bleed even when shot repeatedly at close range with pistols and shotguns. Even when they die, no blood.
share41. The "off" button on my remote has great response time.
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You wanna know what's under that bush? Nothin' but a pair of sick joker lips!