Funniest!
What was his funniest moment do you think?
sharei loved the whole sketch when he was talking about having a romantic nite in with the candles(he feels like he is tripping) and the hot bath(why woman have it so hot and guys always get the tap end) and after that in the room when a man gets undressed(all the coins make a dash for it)
Sup Homies?
I thought it was where he says, "Car theives operate in this area; Where else would they operate? The number of times I've been driving through the country and theres a coupla car theives in a field like 'You said there'd be cars!' And thanks for telling us! They're not doing anythin about it! You'd hate it if you were getting mugged and a policeman ran over and said, 'He's muggin you, you know? He's running away with all your money!'" Funny stuff
shareI like the Olympics sketch the best, oh and the Bluetooth guy.
shareThe bit when he pointed out how ugly the greengrocer was ("Would you like some Strawberries")
Also, the golf buggy in the airport with a smug looking passenger.
I love his head movements when he says: "Where else would they operate" [Car Theives] and "Well yes!" [Footballer interviews - "Well I'm just gonna try and go and score.."]
The SatNav bit was great: :D Turn Left. Straight UP!
And also - "It's like they're taking an iron back to Debanhams - Blouse Sh*t Money *beep* off!" [Power walking]
When he was on bout teenagers and he said GO TO YOUR ROOM and does a kids voice and says " NO , *beep* NO DAD THINGS ARE GONNA CHANGE AROUND HERE" lol
sharei thort it was soooo funny wit the car thieves bit and also where he talks about "ere look luv we got this microwave and they giv us a free meal!" i thort tha was reele gd lol.
sharehas to be the dogs
"there alright when they come up 2 you and lick your face, but a soon as it turns round your like (hits mic)"oh oh oh god god!" - and it walks to accomodate it, u know (walks with legs wide open and mic inbetween his legs)"
"theres blokes goin (in a welsh accent) i do that!"
i was in stiches for ages
i loved the bit when he was on about goin away, travelling and carryin bags......"you've been carrying these bags in and out of cars on and off of planes you get to the hotel and juan.. JUAN!!! wants to carry it four feet and get a *beep* tip"
funny stuff
I think the people here are on about XL tour because the one you mentioned is from Wembley. Still funny though.
He didn't hit me but it took a team of surgeons to remove that fag from my arse.
The bit with the animals-horses and cows and sheep-lol I laughed for ages at that
"Your going to Barbados...No your not you B******!"
fandabydozey !
Lol remember when he said that
i like the part where he says the sexy voice says 'the garage wants cleaning' and 'the rubbish wants taking out ' and he says f'in right love ! lol its the way he says it and he does a northern english accent when he says it and he has a big smile on his face
That's the bit when he's talking about seller's in shops at the computers when they out in you postcode and something bad comes up:
"Fan - *beep* -in'- dabby-dozey!"
You Choke The Chicken Before Any Big Date, Don't You? Tell Me You Spank The Monkey
Before A Big Date. Oh My God, He Doesn't Flog The Dolphin Before Any Big Date.
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I also loved his sketch about phones.
1. Dialling 999 on an old fashioned phone (Who's bright idea was it to put the emergency services at the *beep* end).
2. How anything you type into a search engine relates to porn somehow.
3. the bluetooth bit had me almost wetting myself laughing.
'you think u've got problems'- the piece of cod.
oh and it has to be 'ill rip ya head off u bastard'
"Hi there. I don't know if you can see what I've got stickin' outta my ear. Bluetooth, yeah?"
shareBEST COMEDIAN EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!
All the gags everyone has said are very funny, just to add, I love the bit where he talks about the new stadium being built in the East of london and all the gangsters going " cor, *beep* ell.....thats where they buried jack the hat" Seriously funny s$^t!
The dog in the park bit creased me up, with the big bollox dangling his mic between his legs! And also the tramp browntooth bit unzeeeeeeemmmmmmmm...Hes just loggin in LOL
Easily the funniest show he has done, dont agree at all with the comments written about it on here.
Hies is the funist comedian ever and xl tour was his funniest performance ever.
some ofhis best are:
LEE EVANS: You ever get lost with your wife in the car, you're *completely* lost, and they *always* say the same thing! "Oh let's just go home." "WE'RE *beep* LOST! WHAT DID YOU THROW *beep* BREAD OUT THE WINDOW?"
LEE EVANS: I'm always all over the place, you know, you get these people that are like "Here, I was talking to her on monday - was it tuesday? - was it thurs-?" "WHO CARES! JUST TELL ME WHAT THEY *beep* SAID!" I hate them *beep* They say stuff like "Feels like a tuesday, does it feel like a tuesday? Yeah, feels like a tuesday." I don't know! How the *beep* does tuesday feel?
[laughs]
LEE EVANS: They're like "It's half past five but it only feels like twelve," *beep* hell, do they people forget to go to bed because they already think they're asleep?
LEE EVANS: People say why do we kill so many cows, well they're *crap!* They have no survival instincts whatsoever! You stand next to any fence in the country and a cow'll walk towards you going "Is it my time yet? I don't mind, just shoot me!" They're dumb animals, otherwise they'd learn to *beep* without it hitting the back of their legs! They'd swing it out at least! All dumb animals soil themselves! Sheep! Sheep are the same, but they do it for a reason! They're like that
[imitating rubbing *beep* over himself]
LEE EVANS: "Make a jumper outta me, will ya! I don't think so!" But cows, ah, they haven't even got any camoflauge! They're black and white, and where do they choose to stand? IN A GREEN FIELD! They can't even run away properly, you chase a cow across a field and they run away like an old drunk!
[staggers around]
LEE EVANS: Peanuts! What happened to peanuts! Now every buggers allergic to peanuts! It's true, you open a packet of peanuts now, and a bunch of five year olds in a five mile radius slam to the floor, jabbing themselves with *beep* adreniline!
LEE EVANS: I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, *beep* YES! That's what I bought the buggers for! You'd be pissed off if you opened it and a socket set fell out!
Thats what's so illogical about the smurfs...what's the point of living if you don't have a d***?
My favourite quote of pretty much all of his shows has got to be "Knock knock" but hes already in the room! hahahahaha! or i also really really like "hi my names james, james bond" . . oh *beep* is it?! So funny!
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