MovieChat Forums > Grey Gardens (2009) Discussion > why are mothers like this??

why are mothers like this??

posted 11 years ago by the_urban_prince
12 replies | jump to latest

i know not all mothers but from my experience it's ALWAYS mothers. i hear all the time from women AND men about their sabotaging smothering moms. why is this? hell MY MOM is a mild version of this.

[–] Zuider_Zee 11 years ago

I can't speak on the subject of all mothers but the mother in this story was obviously mentally ill.

[–] solex10 10 years ago

Edie Sr. suffered from affluenza (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Affluenza) and passed it to her daughter; both did not know how to go on (unlike their famous relatives Jackie O. and Lee Radzwill) and get careers, so they ended up poor and living in squalor. The daughter was completely deluded, so much so that I can't believe she actually though that all she need to find was a man or just to be discovered in Hollywood and become an actress.

[–] cerelle81 11 years ago

The way I saw it, Big Edie thought that she was protecting little Edie from life's disappointments, and did not allow her to follow her dreams. Big Edie was always telling her "you're gonna fail, you're not good enough, you're too old" this and that, and that was ultimately damaging to Little Edie. No wonder she was losing her hair. Mothers may know best, but this mother took it to extremes.

[–] Rykababe97 10 years ago

I don't think it's that. When Little Edie was younger, Big Edie never told her that she wasn't good/pretty/young enough. I think BE wanted LE all to herself, BE was a selfish woman and that's all. This was never really about LE, she was only collateral damage!

[–] 10 years ago

[deleted]

[–] that_first_step 10 years ago

"I'm going to protect it by stunting it's growth"

Get *beep* real. You're going to destroy something with that attitude.

[–] cathy-creswell 8 years ago

Women give up pieces of themselves when they get married. Then, the kids they have not only need to be cared for, more things are sacrificed for them. Mothers can start to manipulate the connection of mother/child to get emotional need met, or have success through the child because they themselves are denied success. A man can go out and make himself someone separate from wife and children.

[–] Nova_UB313 8 years ago

Excellent assessment.

[–] cathy-creswell 8 years ago

I know whereof i speak. Both sides. As my kids are fledglings of varying degrees, I make it a goal to let go, but still be available. Every gain they make in independence is rewarded with praise and good advice. I plan on having a life of my own by the time the house is empty. I'm thinking of voice lessons and working up a cabaret routine, Judy Garland, Edie Beale, etc. Any suggestions? I am short, so that's a limitation.Back in the day I was in H.S. musicals and choirs of various sorts, so my voice is good. Not Barbra Streisand, but good.

[–] rrb_1 8 years ago

Please. Plenty of mothers get their emotional needs met without destroying their children - and have lives, activities and relationships outside of marriage. With your victimhood perspective, a man may just as well blame his wife for forcing him to work a job he doesn't like, that stresses him out, and drive him to drink to "make himself separate from wife and children."

[–] cathy-creswell 8 years ago

I wasn't promoting or justifying mother's behaving this way. The question was aked: why do mother's behave this way? I answered from the mother's perspective. An explanation is not an endorsement. You rushed to judgment.

[–] rrb_1 8 years ago

Where do I say you're endorsing the behavior? I didn't.

What I did was refute your assertion that a woman can't "go out and make [herself] someone separate from [spouse] and children," while a man can. What self-pitying nonsense.