This movie sucked my balls

and didn't even have the courtesy of calling me the next day.

The main character is such a douche, I wanted him to be murdered like two seconds after he appeared. Terrible acting, terrible story, boring ass cinematography, predictable ending, lack of any character to connect with at all, and just really not an interesting or thought provoking moment throughout. When Shiri Appleby reads her narration at the end, I couldn't stop laughing. Why, why why?

Though under Earth and throneless now I be,
Yet, while I lived, all Earth was under me.