If I got caught wasting an entire tube of toothpaste down the sink when I was nine years old, my dad would burn my ass, and my allowance and TV would be cut for 2 months.
Romona's parents are overly loving and perfect, so unreal. I don't know about American parents, how do they deal with kids when they become rebellious?
some parents are overly allowing in America - the kids curse and yell at them in public, damage things, etc etc, and then the parents might have a polite talk to them. the kid calms down for a few hours, but they're just as terrible and rude later. I think sometimes you need a more serious parental reaction/punishment for seriously bad behavior. Otherwise the kid thinks tempers & bad behavior is acceptable and those around them should just deal with it.
shareIf a kid is screaming at others and damaging things in public, they need to be taken to a therapist, not punished. And true, a "polite little talk" doesn't work either. Kids who engage in such behavior have serious psychological problems and no punishment or "little talk" in the world is going to cure it.
There are a few overly lenient, permissive parents in EVERY country in the world, not just the States. Often it is these parents who not only fail to lovingly guide their kids in appropriate behavior and in how to treat others, but also fail to get professional assistance for the child who does exhibit psychological problems.
These lax parents do their children a grave disservice...just as parents who resort to punishment and harshness at every childish small act or who don't allow their kids to make mistakes or just be kids.
So...you're saying that every time a child acts out, he/she has psychological problems and must get therapy? I think parents nowadays are just lazy so that any little problem their child has, they send them off to be diagnosed and/or medicated. If a child is throwing a tantrum in a store because they are not getting what they want, they aren't having "psychological problems," they're being KIDS. Children act out sometimes to push their parents' buttons. They want to get their way, no matter what. Talking to them helps a lot, but sometimes it isn't enough and punishment is necessary. Kids are smart, and many will learn that if the only consequence to their bad behavior is a talk, then they are just going to keep on doing it. Now, if a child is acting out frequently and violently then yes, maybe there is something going on and they need to get some help. However, most kids do not have that problem. They just like to get their way. Lastly, by never punishing your child, you are not preparing them for the real world. When they grow up and go to high school, college, get a job, etc there will be punishment for things. A teacher or boss isn't going to say, "You didn't turn in those reports, now let's sit down and talk about why you didn't do them." No, most likely they will pile on more work, or in the case of the boss, fire you. I understand that some children do well under the kind of parenting where only talking things out is necessary. Most don't.
"Silence is so freaking loud"
So...you're saying that every time a child acts out, he/she has psychological problems and must get therapy?
No one’s saying that…but there is always a reason for acting out; children do not misbehave for no reason.I think parents nowadays are just lazy so that any little problem their child has, they send them off to be diagnosed and/or medicated.
No, what constitutes lazy parenting is automatically resorting to spanking or other punishments for every little problem or every time a kid does or says something the parent doesn’t like. There is a growing body of evidence that punishment really doesn’t teach anyone much at all.
But I do agree that medication or a medical diagnosis is not the panacea to all problems either.If a child is throwing a tantrum in a store because they are not getting what they want, they aren't having "psychological problems," they're being KIDS. Children act out sometimes to push their parents' buttons. They want to get their way, no matter what.
Kids don’t really act out just to annoy parents, although there are some self-centered parents who think that their children’s behavior is all about themselves. Of course kids want to get their way; what person, adult or child doesn’t?
True, tantrums don’t always stem from “psychological problems,” but punishment is not the solution to tantrums either. One thing that parents are learning these days is how to subvert tantrums before they happen…including not taking a hungry, tired, or sick child to the store; hire a babysitter if necessary (and those who use the excuse that they “can’t afford” a babysitter should not have had children in the first place or should be resourceful enough to trade babysitting services with neighbors or friends).
But if a tantrum happens anyway, which they still sometimes will, esp. with toddlers, the parents have a responsibility to calmly find out WHY the tantrum is happening.
I had one friend who dealt with her toddler’s tantrums this way…she quietly scooped up her daughter, took her out of the store so the toddler wouldn’t disturb others and stood outside and just held her quietly in a soft hug. She didn’t say anything; she remained calm; she didn’t take her daughter’s behavior personally or as some act of “defiance” against her.
That calmed the child down and was much, much more effective than any punishment would have been. My friend was able to return with her toddler to the store within minutes. This toddler has now grown into a fine, moral, well-behaved, independent, loving young woman who is now doing very well in her third year of college.Talking to them helps a lot, but sometimes it isn't enough and punishment is necessary. Kids are smart, and many will learn that if the only consequence to their bad behavior is a talk, then they are just going to keep on doing it.
I don’t think punishment is. But yes, I do support consequences…because yes, kids are smart and will learn from real life experiences, not parent-imposed artificial punishments.
Eg,: if a child breaks something, they will have to pay to have it replaced and work for that money. If a child hits a playmate in anger, they should be required to apologize and if the behavior continues, have the child sit on a stair for a few minutes to calm down.
Punishing an angry child only makes them angrier in the long run; it does not stop misbehavior in the long haul. What any sane parent wants is to raise children who act on their conscience, not just to avoid punishment.
Punishment only makes a child sneakier in their misbehavior; children who are punished only learn how not to get caught; they don’t really learn to do the right thing.Now, if a child is acting out frequently and violently then yes, maybe there is something going on and they need to get some help.
Good, glad you see this…and often times, acting out too frequently is often a result of being punished too often. The kids who are punished might very well be “well-behaved” in front of their parent, but once they get to school or someplace where they are away from their parents, that’s generally when they act up.However, most kids do not have that problem. They just like to get their way.
Who doesn’t? But parents do have the obligation to GENTLY GUIDE their child to learn to be considerate of others, responsible, and independent, not to punish them for having wants and strong likes and dislikes.
People too often forget that the word discipline means to guide, NOT to “punish.” Punishment reeks of revenge, retaliation, and power greed, not true guidance of right or wrong. Punishment reflects a poor parenting method of the parent insisting on their own way at the child’s expense.
True families and guiding children should never be a power struggle of who’s “in charge,” but yes, unfortunately it does happen in too many families. Neither the parent OR the child should ever have full power, esp. at the expense of others.Lastly, by never punishing your child, you are not preparing them for the real world. When they grow up and go to high school, college, get a job, etc there will be punishment for things
No, a good boss or good professor would not resort to “punishment”; no sane boss will spank an employee or order the employee to stay sitting in their chair for an hour; no college professor will scold or punish the students that fail to do their papers.
But yes, there are NATURAL consequences. In my high school, we had a good system for dealing with late homework…late one day, ten points were lost, late two days cost twenty points, late three days cost thirty points off the grade, four days was forty stripped from the grade, five days late without a valid, written excuse from a parent or guardian resulted in a zero on the assignment.
This policy placed the responsibility on each student to complete their homework in a timely manner; this policy was clearly stated in the student handbooks every year and all of us students were required to read the handbook and teachers would announce it at the beginning of each year.
The result…teachers didn’t have to “punish” students for not completing homework. Teachers were not chasing after students yelling about late assignments; it cut down loads on teacher-student conflicts; students could not charge that any teacher was being “unfair” nor could any teacher arbitrarily do their own thing either. The policy prevented a lot of unnecessary tension and stress for both students and teachers.
It taught us students responsibility; by junior year, over 90 percent of students were diligent about their homework and grades in general and it taught a good work ethic as well. When we took after-school jobs, rarely did any of us have problems with failing to do our work in a timely way.A teacher or boss isn't going to say, "You didn't turn in those reports, now let's sit down and talk about why you didn't do them." No, most likely they will pile on more work, or in the case of the boss, fire you.
Actually, a good boss will…they’ll ask the employee what is going on. Now if the employee tries to blame someone else or otherwise fails to take responsibility, then there will be the natural penalty of losing credit or having a black mark on their record.
Few bosses today will just say or imply, Get out, you’re fired over one misdemeanor. Actually, where I work, we did sometimes have problems with some of my co-workers not getting paperwork completed in a timely way…now did our boss “punish” us? Did they fire people without finding out why the paperwork wasn’t being completed? No.
Our bosses, smart people, sat all of us down for a meeting, and in a NON-accusatory and NON-punitive way, tried to find out what was going on.
It turned out that lots of people had retired, so people were getting more paperwork. Together, we all brainstormed solutions and thought up a new electronic system. We still keep the papers for backup. Our bosses also petitioned the dean and the state to budget more money to our university to hire more people…so this autumn, we are getting several new employees to pick up the slack.
Problem solved. No one was fired, which would have created a lot of hard feelings around my workplace. No “punishment” in the world would have made that paperwork get done any faster; in fact, it would have created even more problems for even more people. And “punishment” would not have made any of us better employees at all.I understand that some children do well under the kind of parenting where only talking things out is necessary. Most don't.
I think most do…but lecturing often isn’t good either. But natural consequences usually work. Punishment usually doesn’t; it only creates hard feelings, destructive rebellion, sneakiness, and discord. It creates tension in the family or classroom. Punishment does NOT breed respect, kindness, nor responsibility; all too often it creates the opposite.
I think I see the problem. I think we have different definitions of punishment. I was using the word punishment not in the strict context of spanking. I was using punishment in the broad sense which encompassed time outs, extra chores, taking things away (like a game or a toy), and at times, yes a spanking. Also, with the boss/teacher punishment, not every boss and teacher in life will be understanding or compassionate. That was my point, I guess I didn't specify. I know that many people are reasonable and are understanding, but not all are. I do see where you are coming from, and although I do not agree with all of your points, I respect them and can understand them from your angle.
"Silence is so freaking loud"
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Actually, punishment has always been an integral part of education.
Unfortunately, yes…but not necessarily vital…what is vital is guidance, gentle, loving guidance. Punishment usually teaches nothing except maybe to teach the child to be sneakier and to not get caught.
Especially, though LOVE is important in that guidance…something too many pro-spanking fanatics overlook in their zeal in preaching “control” over their children.
And a large part of guiding a child is accepting that they will make mistakes and yes, to your likely horror, they won’t always follow your wishes.But a slap on the hand is enough sometimes.
Slapping doesn’t teach anything either…I do hope you don’t advocate slapping a child in the face or anywhere for mistakes.The reason is very simple: we all have to be "trained" to a certain degree in order to function in society.
True…just as a new employee is trained on a new job…does the supervisor slap or spank a new employee for errors? No, that would be totally inappropriate…a good supervisor trains and guides through both example and instruction.Someone does not reinvent the rules of behaviour.
Actually, people do re-invent the rules of behavior almost all the time. Thank of all the societal changes that have taken place over thousands of years since the Stone Ages…some humans changed things; things do not just change from a wind in the skies.
Someone put an end to slavery in the States; someone caused behavioral changes that granted all humans the right to vote in the free world; someone changed to rules of life to accommodate cars, phones, and these days, the internet, cell phones, ipods and ipads.
And the rules of behavior will continue to change as our society and our universe grows and develops…even when we are traveling thru space and living on other solar systems (and other life forms are living here on Earth).
Humanity never remains stagnant and human behavioral norms do not remain stagnant. And it is HUMANS who always create changes, not some cosmic “fate” from space or the moons.It is a basic condition of civilization.
True, it is…as is evolution.However, children do not have a fully developed rational side, so until this is developed, they have to have some boundaries.
True, they are mostly not rational yet…which is why they need our patient guidance, love, and yes, some
boundaries….which is why hitting them is very poor parenting…if young, irrational kids see their parents solve problems with hitting and violence, their underdeveloped rational side will leap to the conclusion that we hit people to resolve disputes with them and “teach” them.
And sadly, since their parents modeled lack of rational thinking by hitting, their own rational side will remain underdeveloped, which will later cause them great problems in adulthood, especially since they learn by example that hitting is acceptable.
But if a parent models a calm, rational manner in guiding their child, the fortunate child will have that role model of a calm, rational thinking mode for solving problems and dealing with setbacks and disputes.
As a result, they will then develop that rational side inside of themselves. They will learn thru the parents’ example to quietly, calmly solve problems and disputes in a rational, thinking manner.
Those are the children who will grow up to be the peaceful, deep-thinking, rational, mature, intelligent adults who think before acting, who think before speaking. who are able to resolve disputes peacefully, who get along well with others, who are able to hold onto a good job and career, who are able to comply with reasonable rules and laws (and peacefully protest the ones that are unfair and/or discriminatory), who keep good friends for life, who treat their spouses/lovers with respect, and who model that same fine example for the next generation.This is when parents' authority must be enforced.
Parents need to earn that privilege of authority by gently guiding and earning their child’s respect by modeling respect for them. Hitting a child to gain “control” actually illustrates that the parent’s authority is very weak, so the parents feels the need to resort to violence in the false illusion of gaining “control.”This is a very dangerous thing going on these days, to consider the child as equal and to treat him/her as an equal. They are not equals. Not physically, not mentally, not emotionally.
True, it isn’t good to assume that children have the same capacity for reasoning and understand as adults and I agree it’s not right when parents place their child in the role of the “mini-adult”; that is also bad parenting, especially when that parent expects the child to carry responsibilities that are beyond their age capacity (such as expecting an oldest child to essentially raise their younger siblings) or involves their child in adult matters such as intimate adult marital/romance problems or expect the child to be a “pal” as if they are the same age as the parent.
It’s also very bad when attempting to place a child as a “little adult” denies them a social life more appropriate to their age (some parents expect their child to fulfill the parents’ social life at the expense of their own-age friendships).
Kids need friends their own age; adults need other adults as friends. So there you do have a good point.They are not in full control of themselves yet.
No, they aren’t…which is why parents need to model self-control, especially in the face of a tantrum or any dispute or issue. If parents are out of control and hitting, this will cause the child to feel even more out of control. The hitting parent might well have intimidated the child into silence and an OUTWARD appearance of “behaving,” but inside, the child is still in turmoil.
They have merely learned to become sneakier in their misbehavior. Often these children are the ones who act out in school.
It is when a child feels most out of control that they need their parents to be calm and in control and to be ready to GENTLY guide their child back into a calm place.
My oldest sister dealt with her children’s tantrums this way…if she was in a store and one of her four children threw a tantrum, she would wrap GENTLE arms around the squalling child (a toddler at the time), carry her/him out of the store with her purse and all, so the child would not disturb other customers, stand or sit a little ways from the store and just keep her arms gently wrapped around the child.
She wouldn’t speak, didn’t scold, try any “reasoning” speeches, didn’t beg or lecture. She wouldn’t let herself get upset, did not try to force the child to stop kicking and squalling, but held onto her child until the child vented, then would wind down.
Once the tantrum was over, she would still remain calm and take her child back into the store and continue where she left off…no post-tantrum scolding or lecture either; it would be as if it never happened. And she never had to do it twice in any trip.
It was this way that she allowed her child to vent, yet taught them self-control and how to calm themselves and how not to disturb others. They learned from her self-control and guidance that one, they would not be permitted to disturb others, to go elsewhere to vent, and two, that they were capable of learning to soothe themselves.
My sister provided them with valuable lessons there in self-control that no slap, strike, scolding, reasoning speech would have ever accomplished.
As a result, all four of her kids, now grown, are delightful, considerate, independent young adults with good self-discipline and great manners.And that thing with therapists is stupidity and a money-making business…
Some therapists are better than others. I do hope you don’t assume all therapy is “bad” and that all doctors are suspect. There are times that we all need doctors or outside help. And there is no shame in seeking therapy; it’s NOT a sign of “weakness” or “instability.”…parents are the best therapists.
Incorrect. Common misconception. Unless that parent has a degree in psychology, the parents are NOT therapists. Trust me, I know loads of parents who are shockingly ignorant about their own children. Physically giving birth to a child does not magically make you an expert on your child.
I know too many arrogant people who assume that they know “everything” about their child…I’ve read and met those helicopter “hyperparents” who have false delusions that they can mastermind and “build” their child and their child’s entire life…they false believe they can “fix” all their child’s problems (also commonly known as “snowplow” parents) and tailor the whole world to fit their child.
That kind of “control” or “therapy” is a false illusion. A truly good parent understands that they do NOT have all the answers for their children and also wisely understand when it is time to reach out for a trained therapist or teacher who will be more objective and will see what the parent is missing.
And a wise family understands that life is NOT “us against the rest of the world”; that mentality is what isolates too many families.Of course, some children nowadays are violent and destructive because they live in an unhealthy environment, so they absorb it: mass-media violence, the enormous amounts of advertising pushing on to them things that they do not need but they become conditioned to want (and which parents cannot provide) etc.
True there…especially children who watch too much television. Parents do need to exercise discipline and guidance with regards to television….before the television does its damage.
I myself have a nine-year-old daughter and I am actually strict about the television…I didn’t really have a TV for the first five years of her life, so she never was exposed to all the crap that is on TV, especially the gratuitous violence and crass materialism…so I never had any damage-control to deal with later on in her childhood.
Most of my friends are the same way and agree on limits to television-watching. What we did was made sure our kids had their “village” or community (we live in New York City) so to speak and plenty of activities and creative outlets, so they do not crave TV or a lot of material possessions.
And because of the community “village” my daughter is being raised in, she is learning how to get along with and work well with others, so she and her friends seldom have behavioral problems.
Ditto my sisters with their kids (I have lots of nieces and several nephews). And also…none of us have EVER hit, spanked, or slapped our kids; we teach them thru gentle, loving guidance and example.
And as a result, the kids are all well-behaved…we can take them almost anywhere and never have to worry about them acting out in public.And do not get me started on the food they eat and the chemicals etc.
I don’t think eating certain foods or chemicals “makes” anyone violent; I think that is just an excuse.But children also become smarter than parents at the same age. Now imagine a child who is exposed to the above, becoming like a car in full speed but with no brakes.
True, many of them are…and more technologically advanced. My sisters and I often laugh that we feel like relics from the olden days of the eighties and nineties because we see our kids with gadgets that we don’t know much about.
My oldest niece, who is twenty and in college, recently told me about her android phone on her last visit a few weeks ago. Until then, I had never heard of such a device…I still think of androids being a being like Data from Star Trek the Next Generation.
BTW, another character from that same show, Dr. Beverly Crusher is my fave sci-fi character of all time…partially because she’s a wonderful doctor and a wonderful mother who has raised a swell son thru loving, gentle guidance. Never did she strike her son during his childhood…and he grew up into a lovely, sweet young man by the end of the show’s seven-year run.And knowing that the stupid society around him forbids the parents to have any authority over him.
Naap, can’t blame society for a parent’s failure to raise their kid appropriately, whether it is hitting a child hoping to “teach” her a “lesson” or failing to guide a child at all. There is a happy middle ground between the two unhealthy extremes.
I know lots of people who advocate punishment, particularly hitting fear that the absence of hitting is tantamount to no discipline at all…but that’s very far from true.
Kids who are NOT hit or spanked are actually among the best-disciplined (guided) kids of all. This is because they are fortunate enough to have thoughtful, wise, loving parents who took the extra time out to gently GUIDE them by example and mentoring, not by punishing and using fear of punishment.
One of my sisters is a high school teacher and she sees the difference between the fortunate kids whose parents were loving guides versus the kids who either grew up with parents who completely abdicated their role of parents and offered no guidance at all alongside the kids whose parents hit them and used intimidation and punishment to “control” them.
She actually says that the kids who are hit and punished for their mistakes are really not that different than the kids who grew up with the complete absence of guidance (discipline).
And in addition, from what my sister has seen (she’s taught for over twenty years), the kids who are hit and punished hide their behavior from their parents and come to school and once out of the parents’ sight, act up and misbehave in the classroom.
One of my close friends who is a middle school teacher (grades 6 thru 8) dittos my sister’s observations.But hey, just throw away all the traditional ways of education, raise devils and become slaves to those "therapists".
One sure way to do that is to raise kids by punishment, intimidation, and hitting…and they sure will need therapists later on. And many of them do get to school or away from the parents and become “devils” who’ve been raised to believe it is acceptable to hit others to “teach” them a “lesson.”Pay enormous amounts of money to correct what would have taken a single slap.
Sure…and pay an even larger price when your child grows larger than you and slaps you right back…because you have taught her thru your example that it’s all right for her to slap people.
What then will your response be if you slap her for “discipline” when she’s growing up, then once she reaches fifteen or sixteen, she slaps you right back when you say something she doesn’t like? How will you justify the fact that you have modeled violence and slapping as a way of solving problems?
How will you justify to her teachers and her age-mates’ parents (because if she learns to slap others to “solve” disputes, she will not keep friends for very long) that you’ve put forth an example of slapping her as a way of “resolving” issues?
How ill you defend yourself to her if she can’t keep a job because the only way she’s learned (from your example) to deal with disputes with co-workers is to hit that co-worker?
How will you justify piling the wrong of slapping on top of whatever wrong you feel she’s done?
Just how will you explain yourself on those kinds of life “lessons?” And if you take time to think about this instead of firing off the first comment that comes to her head without thinking, you’ll realize that you’ll be paying a far, far greater price anyway, especially since she will likely need therapy and maybe even come to you expecting you to support her when she can’t keep a job or even rings you from jail demanding bail money and lawyer money from you since she’s hit someone in the hopes of solving a dispute with them.I'm constantly amazed of how the young American nation (as a whole) is falling into all kind of traps of cunning people...
Yeah, unfortunately too many young people (and sometimes older people who should know better) are falling too easily into traps…and one of those is the product of parents who’ve modeled violence and hitting as a way of solving problems coupled with the excess of violence that too many people are exposed to from television.
I’m thankful my mom taught me better and never hit me or my sisters…and I have never hit, slapped, or spanked my kid and several of her teachers say that she is one of the kindest, best-behaved kids in her class.
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Actually the toothpaste was stuffed into a ziplock bag which she had to use, the one you see when she's "running away" but I get what you are saying. I never had an allowance but I would definitely have gotten major consequences, that costs money and nothing should be wasted especially if my dad lost his job. Unfortunately, yes though, I've met parents where the child can do no wrong. They laugh off everything and blame teachers or other kids for bad behavior. It doesn't help the kid in the long run at all, and I'm talking about brats not kids like Ramona that make mistakes with good intentions.
"It does not say RSVP on the Statue of Liberty."
Also, this is a non-fiction movie! Don't forget it was based off a children's book! They kept it G-rated, which is fine, because this movie for the young audience.. and they should know better than to try a stunt like that at home!
sharewere do you get that it was non fiction though? the books were clearly fiction, and this movie is based on said books, therefore the books are, in fact, fiction!
shareThe parents were overly loving in the consequences department. No doubt they love their children. And I agree with it being a G rated film, they kept it clean and harmless. I thought John Corbin was fun in this movie. I think it is safe to say that Ramona was punished, just not on camera.
celebrity crush of the moment: Garrett Hedlund
Yes...and no parent can ever be too loving. Yes, parents can be overindulgent, but neither Bob or Dory fell into that catagory.
You can be firm with discipline, yet extremely loving at the same time; the two are not mutually exclusive. The world needs more parental love, not less. In fact, it is the unloving parents who often let their kids get away with things they should not.
Take a look at parents like the Dursleys with their spoiled son, Dudley and 7th Heaven's Annie and Eric Camden with Ruthie, Lucy, and Mary. Now THOSE are examples of parents who pretended to be "loving" and mollycoddled their children and let them get away with hurtful behavior, but in reality, those parents showed very little true love.
I don't think it's a fact of being overly loving or overly indulgent, it's parents who THINK they are being loving by not ever having their child suffer any consequences. I work in childcare and oh dear god are parents nowadays just getting worse and worse. Sending your child to a childcare center is not supposed to take the place of good parenting, but it does nowadays. It's no longer the parents' responsibility to raise their child, it's the teachers. I've been in various situations where the child was really struggling with their behavior and we would try to get the parent involved and they would just say something along the lines of, "Well, it's happening here at school so I don't see what that has to do with me." Umm, this is YOUR child, not mine! If parents aren't reinforcing good behavior at home, then what the hell is the point of the schools even trying?
"I don't think I could stab somebody, cause I'm really bad at a Capri Sun."
It also depends on what the consequences are. Harsh punishment and yelling is not an appropriate "consequence" for any wrongdoing neither is long "reasoning" speeches either. Consequences should be loving, brief, and done in a guiding spirit, not a harsh, punitive one.
Yes, I do agree that there are some parents who expect teachers and babysitters and daycare workers to shoulder the entire responsibility for the children and I agree that's not right either. But neither is it the parents' burden alone; kids are part of our community and all people who work or live with kids have a collective responsibility to raise them appropriately.
Schools do have some responsibility to keep discipline; they cannot totally absolve themselves of any responsibility, even if the parents have been lax. If kids fail to learn from their parents and if teachers take the stance of Well, it's not my kid, so it's not my responsibility, they are doing that child a grave disservice which the kid will end up paying for the most.
What we need as a society is for parents, teachers, and daycare workers to unite, not see each other as adversaries, which happens in too many communities. Parents need to unite with each other also to see that all kids get appropriate care, that no child falls between the cracks.
For schools and teachers to just give up simply because of some poor parenting is a poor attitude to take and such individual teachers and daycare workers who take that attitude should not be in this field at all.
Insight nice... I only have a question or 3...
1. Do you have children?
2. How did you discipline (given the situations in a preteen novel)?
3. Are you married (i.e. can you team up or divide with Dad)?
Thanks!
Insight nice... I only have a question or 3...
1. Do you have children?
2. How did you discipline (given the situations in a preteen novel)?
3. Are you married (i.e. can you team up or divide with Dad)?
Thanks, glad you like my insight...to answer your questions...
1. Yes...one eleven-year-old daughter...I adopted her when she was two and a half from Eastern Europe.
2. I discipline by lovingly guiding her and allowing her to make mistakes and learn from those mistakes (without shaming, scolding, or "punishing" her) as well as providing opportunities for her to build her confidence by trying new things, succeeding, and also provide opportunities for her to make friends and learn how to deal with others by regular peer contact.
I make my home a place where she can bring her friends over and they feel welcome. I get to know her friends and try to get to know the parents of her friends, so we parents can band together to help each other guide and raise our children.
I encourage my daughter to visit other homes also, so she can grow up aware of different people, including people who are different from my family.
I also live in a large, metropolitan city with a diversity of people, so my daughter gets to know and deal with people from every walk of life and nearly every culture.
I also encourage independence at a young age, such as learning to take buses and learning to do laundry and manage money, so when she is older, she will know how to manage, not only now but in life. And when she reaches young adulthood, she will know how to take care of herself, support herself, live on her own, love others, get along with others and make and keep friends for life.
3. No...and never been married...but I do know a community of parents that I stay close to, so in a sense I am not raising my daughter "alone;" we parents can turn to each other for support in tough times and can offer each other pointers, esp. those whose kids are almost grown or grown.
Knowing my daughter is approaching her teens (she started middle school this year), I've been talking to parents of teens and understand that the teen years can be turbulent...but if you stay calm, usually you and your teen kid can ride it out and get thru those difficult teen years with sanity intact.
Most importantly of all, I make sure my daughter knows she is very, very loved. It's something every single parent in the world needs to do with their child even before any discipline can take place.
My daughter is so far an extremely well-adjusted, happy, productive girl who usually gets along well with others, does well in school, is well-behaved, and usually very polite.
What about you...have kids...and how do you raise and guide them if you do have kids?
Um, my parents would be upset, but toothpaste isn't exactly a rare luxury. You can buy it for two dollars. He was jobless but they weren't that desperate yet.
shareIn the book her parents were really upset, and they made her save it by putting it in a baggy. which is punishment because she loved the way new toothpaste look and felt
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I think everything Beezus did was not very harmful to herself or anyone else, which is why the parents were cool about it. When I was little, I squeezed the entire baby powder bottle all over the house and my parents just laughed it off. And we're Asian!
But if I did something more seriously like skip school, then yeah, I'd be in trouble.
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Truthfully, I think the parents' punishment of having her use the plastic bag filled with the toothpaste scraped out of the sink was great. That way she thinks about what she did every time she brushes her teeth and the toothpaste wasn't wasted. To me, that was an example of a logical consequence - much more effective than just mindlessly hitting her.
I have two kids and I've been a classroom teacher for 20 years. For several of those years, I taught in the deep South - where I was encouraged to "paddle" my 6th grade students. Since I don't hit my own kids, there was no way I was going to lay hands on someone else's children. And you best believe this didn't endear me to my administration - they required I prominently display the paddle in the front of my classroom. Fine - I hung the paddle from the wall, but I never used it. If I can't find a way to reach a student that doesn't involve violence - then I need to get out of the classroom.
Excellent points, nilodien!!!! It definitely should be a crime to hit someone else's kids, let alone your own. Is it true that some schools in the deep south STILL have physical punishment? That's dreadful!
I'm glad I don't live down there...I will NEVER permit anyone to physically punish my daughter under any circumstance.
I also read and loved the books series; the Quimby parents were wonderful...the kind this world needs more of.
You sound wonderfully intelligent, nilodien.
I am a parent and I know a lot parents where their parenting methods do resemble what's depicted in this film. And I try to do the same for my kids too ( I'm not American though ). It's actually more effective and more stress free. The only one instance that seemed far fetched was helping Ramona pack her luggage, but sneakily heavy loading it, to see how far she could go.
shareFinally...some people coming on here who make sense. Right on, flickfix! It sure is. Ditto for me and my daughter. And it works. It works in a far superior way than any slap, spank, or any punishment. And my daughter (and nieces and nephews) are a pleasure to have around.
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