MovieChat Forums > The Haunting in Connecticut (2009) Discussion > 100 things i learnt while watchin the HI...

100 things i learnt while watchin the HIC


1.Necromancer ghost army can be obtained by killing hundreds of people and keeping them in your house.
2. Dont leave the house When u see crazy zombie ghost just go back to sleep when all the lights are gone.
3.Doctors leave cancer patients who could hallucinate with crazy Skepto patients.

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4. If you find out that your potential new house used to be a funeral home, and your son is having treatment which could cause him to hallucinate, it's probably not the best idea to move in there.

5. Taking lightbulbs out of the ceiling when drunk is a nice idea, but won't protect you from things that go bump in the night.

...

"I'm actually 40% papier mache"
-------Morrissey

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6. Leave it to a bunch of ghostly visions to ruin your family's dinner.

7. Although you know the house may be haunted, let the kids play hide and seek in the house anyway.

8. Be a smartass to your wife when she asks you when you sold your truck.

9. Although your son is dying of cancer, be more concerned that he may scratch your truck taking a lamp out of the back of it.

10. Virginia Madsen's forehead is not getting any smaller.

11. Despite Virginia Madsen's forehead, she's still a MILF.

12. Buildings where secret knowledge is contained are called libraries.

13. Spinning your little brother around on a mortuary table is usually not a good idea.

14. If you keep staring at a window long enough, something's bound to pop up and scare the crap out of you.

15. Any time a renter tells you that a house "has a history", it usually means bad news.

16. Nothing will ruin your day quite like your hand going through the porch column into a huge glob of meat and maggots.

17. If you have dead bodies in your walls, let the authorities know before you start setting fires; otherwise they'll probably just think you're nuts and are making up stories.

18. Love hurts, mom.

19. If your foot's going to break through the attic floor, it's always going to do it in the exact location of hidden artifacts.

20. Removing and breaking all the light bulbs in a drunken fury is easier than flicking the light switches off.

21. As in every horror movie, nobody believes you until it happens to them, too.

22. Always keep plenty of formaldehyde in the house at all times.

23. Young children living in haunted houses apparently don't go to school.

24. When sh!t hits the fan, take your aggressions out on inanimate objects, like guitars and cassette tapes.

25. A bottle of vodka on top of an amplifier is just an accident waiting to happen.

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"23. Young children living in haunted houses apparently don't go to school."

according to the film, they moved in during summer

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26. Never place a dead boy's ashes in the back of your car
27. Dead teenage boys have crushes on cancer stricken boys
28. Cancer stricken people have other powers than normal people
29. Playing hide and seek lets you find new hiding places
30. Formaldehyde (sp?), despite being years old, can still be of use
31. Never pick a basement to be your bedroom

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32. It's just your luck that the hot chick living in the house with you is your cousin.

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and the other one's you're mother.

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33. Haunted houses are not scary when you have your toys.

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34. Hiding bodies in a basement wall will preserve them.
35. Even if you're hideously burned, your eyes will be completely normal and unscathed.
36. Jumpy camera work is never scary. Never. Take note you modern crappy filmmakers!

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37. Speaker-wrecking sound blasts aren't as scary as they are annoying, especially if you have to keep readjusting the volume every 10 minutes.

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38. If you make a Discovery channel episode about the haunting, LEAVE IT AT THAT!

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39. You can become invisible if you cut off your eyelids!
40. In fact all the funeral undertakers are general surgeons!
41. If you live in a haunted house, you don't need to turn on/off the lights. The lights are already spiritually automatic.
42. For children it's strictly prohibited to not to play any other game but hide-and-seek if you've just moved in a new house.
43. If you hold your sister's left hand with your right hand, and your brother's right hand with your left hand before eating a family supper ; you can communicate with spirits!
44. " Doctor says to patient: 'You have cancer and you have Alzheimers.' Patient says to doctor: 'Wooo! At least I don't have cancer.' "

Assuming that you both have cancer and Alzheimers disease. Then you're lucky that you don't have cancer any more!

45. ******* THE CURE FOR CANCER IS TO BECOME A PYSCHIC ********

46. The best Horror movies are funnier than the best comedy movies, and sexier than the best softcore movies.

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47. When you find out your house is severely haunted, it's probably still best to ignore everything that's happening and keep living there anyway.


48. Apparently most of the stars we see are already dead, they just look alive because they 'haven't gotten the news yet'.

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49. When you're running away from creepy ghosts that want to kill you, make your way up the stairs, instead of the front door; running away from your problems won't solve them!

50. If you have cancer AND a dead kid trapped inside your body, once the latter abandons the body in question the cancer vanishes miraculously.

51. If your husband is an alcoholic you shall forgive him every time 'cause "what matters is that he's here now'. Please ignore the obvious fact that he'll do it again, over and over, until he gets professional help.

52. If there's a creepy, sealed room in your basement ignore it and move in anyway, it's probably just storage space.

53. Even if he's already technically dead, and in a life threatening situation, the hero of the movie will survive regardless.

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54. If you live in a haunted house, don't have a shower with a shower curtain...it will try to kill you!

55. Yes it's okay to leave your cancer suffering son in the creepiest room of the house.


56. The best hide & seek places are in the dark..never mind the fact it's a haunted house.

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57. After you're done watching a pretty damned good horror flick, pick every piece about it apart (even the things you just dont get becasuse of your own ignorance) since you have no life and create the most annoying, absolutely boring and least witty list of "100 things I learned" ever.

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58. After stratching the wall and you come back from hospital ur fingers will look beautiful and normal

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59. When you wake up from a scary dream about a freaky room, and then find that room in your new house, why not pick it as your bedroom.

60. When you've just had an exorcism done on your house, and the priest tells you that weird things will continue to happen for a few days, and then you find your son totally cover in evil cuts, it is perfectly normal to then leave the kids in the house while you head off. (Seriously, "When I get back, we're leaving"? Why not just get the kids out straight away?)

61. It's pretty easy to make someone jump while watching a film, but when you do it about 50 times, in the same way, people will stop jumping and starting thinking to themselves, "Next time he does a sit up there'll be a ghost next to him."

62. When you claim that a film is based on fact, unbelievably dumb behaviour is not acceptable.

63. When firemen turn their hose on a building, it is quite possible that they will rinse out every last trace of the charred remains of 20 or so dead bodies. These remains will then just go down the grid. And the mum won't care if you don't believe her. And the police won't think to look into it.

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64. Twenty dead bodies will produce no noticeable foul odor.

65. Formaldehyde can mask the foul stench of twenty dead bodies.

66. Ghosts have emotions and feelings just like living persons.

67. When ghosts gets angry, they will be angry for all eternity and will have no pity even for children with cancer.

68. Angry ghosts try to kill everything in their burial ground except other ghosts that are already dead and are not afraid of ghosts.

69. Families living in haunted houses are apparently not afraid of ghosts either, which is why they choose to live in a haunted house.

70. It's okay to fantasize about your cousin and MILF mother if you have cancer.

71. If during a ghost whispering ritual, you see copious amounts of ectoplasm floating out of your seatmate's mouth, don't bother collecting any ectoplasm in a jar because the public will believe anything you tell them in year 2009.

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72. If you have no money, but your kid has cancer, there is a dilapidated mansion with "a past" out there waiting for you. Just ask your real estate agent.

73. Once you move into this house, don't bother painting or cleaning, because then it won't be as creepy. And please, don't explore--leave some rooms unopened. (It'll be better for the plot.)

74. If you're making a horror movie, one of the parents needs to be some sort of alkie/druggie with a heart of gold. Copyright Stephen King.

75. If one character is a kid with cancer, make sure he has a sense of humor about it & makes cancer jokes. Kids who are afraid or pissed off about dying are just plain snivellers. Borrrrrrring!

76. Have some hot, teenage girl-flesh in the movie, esp if your female lead is getting a little long in the tooth and thick of the thigh. And make sure the teenager has a shower scene, even if there's no nudity. You know, for later.

77. If your female lead is getting a little thick of the thigh, stick to facial close-ups. It's easier to sculpt the face than exercise or fight the great god Metabolism.

78. If you have a bunch of dead bodies with weird carved words on them, don't bother trying to explain what the carvings mean. Nobody will care.

79. If you cut the eyelids off a dead body, their eyes will be all white and blueish. Even decades later, they'll still be there, lookin' creepy.

80. If you embalm a dead person, it will turn white as a baby seal, but it won't decay. Ever.

81. Or stink.

82. Lots of people move into houses that have rooms that they have no key to. I have a mansion with rooms I've never been in because they're locked, and I've lived here 165 years.

83. A five year old girl will go into a creepy, dark attic if playing hide and seek. It's better than being found.

84. There are creepy, centipede-looking bugs in between floors in old houses, even if there's nothing to eat there. Termites are too hard to photograph, and they aren't scary or gross enough, anyway.

85. If you want to show an adult who's mad, show him playing crappily on a crappy Strat copy. Make sure he sets the crappy (of course) booze bottle on the amp to show he's reliving his youth. Sor un perdidor, baby.

86. If you meet a minister in a cancer ward who claims he knows what-all about ghosts, believe him. There's no way he could be looking at your teenage son's crotch or anything. Ghosts are real, people!

87. Mediums puke ectoplasm. It's a scientific fact.

88. If someone is all carved up with weird words and symbols in one scene, he will be significantly healed in the next scene, which is only maybe an hour later.

89. When you rush the above person to the hospital with the above carvings, they'll put him in a room with an obvious mental patient. Though he might not be real, because he knows your poem.

90. If a dad tries to enter a burning bldg, every single fireman and/or cop will try to stop him, leaving an opening for the mother to run in.

91. That mother is strong enough to bully-push open a door. Seriously. Some mothers pull burning cars off their kids. Firemen with axes can't compare. They'll just let the kid burn. I mean, he was the one that stayed in there, no use risking their lives. Dumbass.

91. Some ministers look just like Stabler on Law & Order SVU. If you sit far enough away, you could probably even use this movie as your Stabler fantasy.

92. I ain't afraid of no dark, rusty dumbwaiter. In I crawl.

93. Basement floors aren't cold! You can do shirtless sit-ups with out that shocking AGGGGGGH! thing when you hit the freezing tile.

94. When mortuaries are closed down, they always leave their equipment, and their most scary tools, in the place for people to find decades later. The mortician, long dead, gets a real kick out of it.

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95: Don't eat chocolate before they open the box with the eyelids in.

96: If you find your son with etched words all over his body you must assume he did it to himself even though there is no possible way to be that intricate on your own body.

97: If someone says the worst is over it won't be.

98: Decorative panelling usually hides something nasty.

99: Dolls lie about their ability to heal cancer.

100: Birds can be a part of the haunting as long as there are pictures of them on the bedroom wall.

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100-A: Kid has cancer. Cancer ends up being ghost of spiritual medium. Kid needs new house to live in that's closer to hospital. House ends up being same house that cancer/ghost lived in decades ago. Cancer/ghost stricken kid has hot cousin AND hot mother. What are the odds?

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#9- I the dad said that to his son because the kid with cancer thought dad meant he was too weak to carry the lamp and the light suitcase. I thought it was supposed to lighten the mood about him being sick. These aren't direct quotes but are close enough.

Dad: Be careful
Kyle: It's just a lamp and an empty suitcase.
Dad: I don't want you to scratch the trunk. *both chuckle*

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* Elias Koteas can sometimes look like Robert De Niro if he really wanted to.

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Elias Koteas can sometimes look like Robert De Niro if he really wanted to.


I was thinking the same thing! He even talks like De Niro.

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101. If you're the hot young female of the house and your little cousins want to play hide and seek, tell them to ask your other, suffering, cancer riddled cousin to play with them so you can sit on the couch and do noting.

102. I you're in a burning house, just get underneath a side table. It will protect you from being burned alive AND smoke inhalation.

103. Wendy had her chance.

104. A symptom of Matt's cancer is that he heals from burns and cuts, usually within hours.

105. There's no getting rid of ALL the light bulbs.

106a. If you ever see someone puking ectoplasm, run for the hills if you don't want to become a crispy critter.

106b. Ectoplasm can be secreted from body orifices, sometimes including "the lower orifices".

106c. Seances don't always yield the desired results.

107. 80s cars sucked just as much then as they do now.

108. Don't ask cancer patients to say grace.




I don't love her.. She kicked me in the face!!

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