MovieChat Forums > Away from Her (2007) Discussion > Speaking as someone who lost his father ...

Speaking as someone who lost his father from Alzheimer's...

posted 8 years ago by esskayess
7 replies | jump to latest

...the movie's events surprised me somewhat. I can only speak for my own situation and those of some acquaintances, but I've never known of a case where an Alzheimer's patient took the lead in admitting him/herself to a facility -- in this case, even over the protests of her husband.

My father was largely oblivious to his own decaying mental facilities and reacted with anger or sadness at each necessary intervention, such as taking away his car keys or no longer allowing him to use kitchen appliances. My mother insisted on caring for him until he had deteriorated so far that it became impossible for a woman in her seventies to handle. By then, he was past putting up a fight about it and he died a few months later.

I'm curious whether anyone else here has a story to tell that resembles this movie's.

My people skills are fine. It's my tolerance of morons that needs work.

[–] Cheena71 8 years ago

Hello!

My situation MAY be similar. My mother has prepared to check herself into a nursing home because she does not want to be a burden to any family members (my father is deceased). She suspects she has Alzheimer's but as her daughter, I cannot tell. I do NOT want my mother to be put in a home but my mother has things set up legally so that I may not have a say.

Much like the husband in the film, I am devastated at the thought of my mother doing this to herself without giving anyone of us a chance to step up and help her. I am an only child but I mean her sisters as well.

[–] esskayess 8 years ago

Hi Cheena. Thanks for sharing your story. Your mother sounds like a truly unselfish lady. Dad was unselfish as well, but his desire to "not be a burden" made him fiercely independent and stubborn when those around him realized that steps had to be taken for his safety and that of people around him. He was the most capable and intelligent person I've ever known and seeing him reduced to (essentially) a 3-year-old child was terrible.

There are many tests that can be run to ascertain your mother's condition. She may have left you no legal recourse, but I hope her sisters and you will try to persuade her to find out EXACTLY what ails her.

Good luck!

My people skills are fine. It's my tolerance of morons that needs work.

[–] Cheena71 8 years ago

Hi, Esskayess,

Thank you for your sensitivity towards my situation. People tend to ignore the fetails and say, "you should move in with your mom." Didn't I say that she's going to check herself somewhere?

My aunts and I have tried. When she makes up her mind, there is no changing it! We're going to try again because she's had a lot of friends that have passed and she might want to spend more time with family.

By the way, I know what you mean about watching a parent decline in health. My dad was 6ft 4in and weighed 250lbs. To see him ahrink and finally get to a point where he was shaking or when he slept he'd moan in pain. It was the hardest thing I had to watch...well, I was with him when he died and nothing really compares to that moment.

[–] Cheena71 8 years ago

Correcting my errors......

*details*

*Didn't I tell you she will be checking herself in and my mom has set it up with an attorney where no one can interfere?*

[–] esskayess 8 years ago

Cheena, you are a wonderful daughter and have a keen understanding of the situation. I didn't mention that Dad was a big man as well and that made it that much more difficult for Mom and my sister and me (when we took care of him so she could get away for a while) to get him to do necessary things like bathing and dressing. But I think my worst memory is how I had to slowly lead him around like a puppy through the house or to and from medical appointments. At those times, I did my best not to think about all that he had once been.

I hope you, your aunts and your mother can reach an agreement that takes care of her needs but does not hurt those who love her so much.

Take care and feel free to send me a personal message through imdb if there's any knowledge that I or my mother could share with you.

My people skills are fine. It's my tolerance of morons that needs work.

[–] Cheena71 8 years ago

Thank you so much for this message. Feel free to do the same. Reach out if you needto talk. I'll add you as a friend. :-)

[–] 8 years ago

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