All right then; assuming that they are conscious, coherent and consenting, what is the maximum age difference that should be allowed between two adults who wish to form a relationship?
Or should there even be one?
If both in question are in fact legally adults, then it's nobodies business what ages either of them are. Two people in a loving relationship don't owe anyone any kind of explanation.
shareI quite agree with you, dead doll; but it's pretty clear from the commentaries and postings related to this movie that there's a Godawful lot of petty little bigots out there who think otherwise. I was just giving them an opportunity to express themselves objectively - put their chronologies were their mouths are, so to speak.
There hasn't exactly been a moral stampede.
I understand. I think the problem with most people's views on age gap relationships is that this movie presented such a scenario in a...well, less than flattering light. Although the characters came to genuinely care about each other come the end (at least I think so) they began the story/relationship as a basic "dirty old pervert meets greedy young woman". My BF and I have a substantial gap in our ages and are thus quite understanding of others' age gap situations, but even we were a bit irked by the creepy factor of the relationship in this movie. Not for the age difference so much as the initial motivations behind the relationship,
shareYes. The relationships were manifestly abusive and `parasitic'. But then, an awful lot of relationships are. Take for example that of Paul McCartney and Heather Mills. Here was an immensely rich but lonely widower just ripe for emotional exploitation. And a gold-digging young female who saw the `perfect' opportunity. The rest is history. But although most people saw that Ms Mills was indeed after his money; it was pretty much left at that. Their age difference was scarcely mentioned, though it was over 30 years.
I think a lot of people saw the abusive elements in `Venus', but instead of seeing them for what they were and that they could happen in any relationship; they crystallised their contempt around an innate prejudice of age. Rather in the way that disabled people claim that others see the wheelchair instead of the human being, likewise people see the years and not the individual.
Also, many viewers didn't seem to realise that Peter O'Toole, like any other actor, was carefully made-up to enhance his seeming dicrepitude - or `creepiness'. His face looked wasted and meagre, he had a clumsily-tied cravat and straggly hair. In truth, he's still quite a handsome bloke considering his wreckless career in youth. But this again demonstrated (and reinforced) their prejudice. Just check-out some of the less flattering pics of, say, Sir Bob Geldof, or even Amy Winehouse, compared with which a well-groomed O'Toole could more than pass muster.
It's kind of ironic that most people are sympathetic towards ugly but virile Quasimodo and his love for Esmerelda. Likewise, beauty and the beast is a popular romance. But old and young? well that's disgusting.
Absolutely agree. Some excellent points.
shareO'toole looked ancient, about the age of his male costar, who according to this site was born in 1924, to O'toole's 1932.
I thought the film was poignant and quite real. And O'toole's character wasn't interested in sex, as in the orgasmic aspect. He was physically incapable, even before the operation I would guess.
This was the beauty of the film. That the spark was lit, even without the possibility of a flame. And the interaction between him and his young desire was as real as could be conveyed by the consummate acting of all involved.
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Sure, it's completely legal and nobody's business what consenting adults freely choose to do, but the freely chosen visceral reaction of most people is that it feels wrong, if not creepy. One can utter platitudes about attraction, love and destiny, but in a relationships between an older person who might be rich, powerful or famous and a young adult just starting out in life there is usually a significant imbalance of power and cognitive levels, and that's when consensual exploitation or some leveraging is involved.
Most people would not disagree that a male heterosexual from puberty to 90 y.o would tend to naturally find a young female attractive (right or wrong, this fact is the basis of advertising, entertainment, porn industries in our culture).
In the context of this film's reception by audiences, perhaps there is some conflict or obfuscation because the older man is the beloved, charming, well-respected Peter O'Toole. Most of us want to like him and side with him. If it was your college age daughter and a 60 y.o. professor, or even your retired widower grandfather dating a 20 y.o. stripper, perhaps you'd feel different.
"I would be remiss in my duty, if I did not tell you, that the idea of... intercourse - your firm, young... body... comingling with... withered flesh... sagging breasts... flabby b-b-buttocks... makes me want... to vomit." --from Harold and Maude
TO: SCREENMAN and DEAD DOLL
Interesting exchange between you two. I honestly didn't think that Maurice was lewdly interested in Jessie. The attraction was at a different level, one that I could understand.
I am a 75-year-old widower who is impotent but can still appreciate a beautiful younger woman and not for carnal reasons. My eyes respond to a well-shaped shoulder, my nose to a lady's perfume, my fingers to long brown hair, my heart to a shared love poem or romantic music.
If I still lived in New York City and met a younger woman whose outlook on life was similar to mine, I would be happy to escort her to the theater as Maurice did with Jessie. To concerts and fine restaurants, too. And all that without ulterior motives. I would feel rewarded by the joy of sharing, which is what motivated Maurice, I'm sure.
What needs to be talked about is minimum age difference, less than 20 years is criminal. You have women being passed around until they are 40 while they wait for the men their age to build wealth, and men with new brides who look like grandmothers. It has to stop!
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