My cast for a live-action Negima! movie

As John Robinson would say "Awww that's retarded." No but seriously, what are you thinking. Unknowns would so rule.

Main cast
EMMA WATSON as Asuna Kagurazaka
LABON HESTER as Negi Springfield
MIYUU SAWAI as Konoka Konoe
BOB BERGEN as Albert Chamomile
DAVEIGH CHASE as Nodoka Miyazaki
BONNIE WRIGHT as Ayaka Yukihiro
and SIENNA MILLER as Makie Sasaki

Opening theme: SUICIDE IS PAINLESS by Mike Altman (instrumental as heard on M*A*S*H seasons 1-3)

PILOT EPISODE: The Baka Rangers and the Secret Library Island! The Big Game Plan for the Final Test (2-hour episode) [TV-14 DLSV] (main cast: EMMA WATSON, LABON HESTER, MIYUU SAWAI, DAVEIGH CHASE, BONNIE WRIGHT, and SIENNA MILLER) (main guest stars: CHISAKI HAMA, KAY PANABAKER, SILAS CARSON, DIANE STILWELL, COURTNEY DRAPER, ARACELY ARAMBULA, AYAKA KOMATSU, ALEXA VEGA, and JESSICA SUMPTER) (new character: DAVID POVALL as Nitsuta-sensei) (episode-exclusive: BILL WOODSON as the golem) (Asuna doesn't die in this episode) (Chuck Norris reference: Asuna mentions that she'll "roundhouse kick the s*** out of that golem if it's the last thing I do!" as soon as she sees that Makie had been manhandled by the golem guarding the magic book) (Alfred Hitchcock cameo: His CGI rendition is seen when Negi tries to buy a ticket to the airport) (Ending theme: EYE OF THE TIGER by Survivor) (Snakes on a Plane: When the Baka Rangers escape Library Island, Asuna says, "I'm gonna open that ****ing elevator!") (Wilhelm scream: When the golem smashes the Twister-like playing field, sending Negi and the Baka Rangers plummeting into the darkness below) (Director: Sam Raimi)
EPISODE 1: eGirl Life [TV-14 DS] (main cast: EMMA WATSON, LABON HESTER, MIYUU SAWAI, and BONNIE WRIGHT) (main guest stars: DANIEL RADCLIFFE, KAY PANABAKER, SILAS CARSON, JESSICA DISMUKE, EMILY OSMENT, and MEW AZAMA) (Asuna doesn't die in this episode) (Chuck Norris reference: Chisame says to herself when she gets revealed by Negi's carelessness to the other girls, "One of these days I'll roundhouse kick him to Siberia!") (Alfred Hitchcock cameo: His silhouette can be seen with the teachers at the graduation ceremony) (Ending theme: Instrumental of IT'S A LONG ROAD by Dan Hill) (Snakes on a Plane: When Chisame is muttering curses Negi's direction at the end, one of them is "I'll put snakes on his plane to Wales, that's what I'll do!") (Director: George Lucas)
EPISODE 2: Double Trouble [TV-PG LSV] (main cast: EMMA WATSON, LABON HESTER, and MIYUU SAWAI) (main guest stars: EMILY OSMENT, MEW AZAMA, JESSICA DISMUKE, ALEXA VEGA, KELLY STABLES, KAY PANABAKER, RUPERT GRINT, LINDSAY LOHAN, and VICTORIA HESTER) (Asuna doesn't die in this episode) (Chuck Norris reference: Fumika shouts as Negi chases them after they see the cheerleaders, "Oh! Negi's pissed! He'll roundhouse kick the hell out of us! Oh, sister! It is so your fault!") (Alfred Hitchcock cameo: A CGI rendition of him is seen as the basketball club's coach) (Ending theme: Nothing... until the end of the end credits. That's when BITE ME by "Weird Al" Yankovic comes out of nowhere) (Snakes on a Plane: Yuna tells Negi in her scene, "It's like Neville Flynn used to do things when he was a tour guide for the Secret Service agents.") (Director: David Fincher)
EPISODE 3: A Day in the Life of the Class Rep [TV-14 SV] (main cast: EMMA WATSON, LABON HESTER, MIYUU SAWAI, and BONNIE WRIGHT) (episode-exclusive: EMILY POWERS as young Asuna, RYAN NEWMAN as young Ayaka, MICHAEL CAINE as the butler, and PENELOPE CRUZ, YUI HORIE, KIKUKO INOUE, and MICHELLE NEWMAN as Ayaka's maids) (Asuna doesn't die in this episode) (Chcuk Norris reference: Ayaka threatens to roundhouse kick Asuna "out of this place if you don't go by yourself!" when they get into another scuffle in the pool area) (Alfred Hitchcock isn't seen in this episode) (Ending theme: Instrumental of IT'S A LONG ROAD by Dan Hill) (Snakes on a Plane: Asuna to Ayaka: "I'm gonna open your bloody windows if you call security!") (Director: James Cameron)
EPISODE 4: A Deeper Look at Asuna's Early Morning Hours Job [TV-PG LSV] (main cast: EMMA WATSON and LABON HESTER) (episode exclusive: JIM JACKMAN as the boss and BILL PAXTON as the boss's friend) (Asuna doesn't die in this episode) (Chuck Norris reference: Asuna: "Oh, I am strong! As strong as that unidentified bearded man who just performed an amazing roundhouse kick!") (Alfred Hitchcock cameo: Asuna is briefly startled by Alfred Hitchcock's silhouette) (Ending theme: Instrumental of IT'S A LONG ROAD by Dan Hill) (Snakes on a Plane: One article reads "IN LIKE FLYNN"; the subhead reads "Secret Service Agent Gets Snakes Off Witness's Plane".) (Director: Sam Raimi)
EPISODE 5: Hell On Earth! Mahora Academy Hostage Crisis Part I [TV-14 LV] (main cast: EMMA WATSON, LABON HESTER, MIYUU SAWAI, DAVEIGH CHASE, BONNIE WRIGHT, and SIENNA MILLER) (main guest stars: KAY PANABAKER, LIAM NEESON, CHISAKI HAMA, EMILY OSMENT, MEW AZAMA, GEORGIE HENLEY, AYAKA SAITO, JESSICA DISMUKE, BRENNA O'BRIEN, LINA KOIKE, and RUPERT GRINT) (episode-exclusive: MARTIN KLEBBA as the terrorist leader and BILL PAXTON, JOHN MALKOVICH, KIRAN SHAH, MICHAEL DORN, BRENT SPINER, and RIP TORN as the terrorists) (new character: FAMKE JANSSEN as Donet McGuinness) (Asuna's comic book death: Killed by the terrorist leader) (this is the first episode where Asuna dies) (Chuck Norris reference: Setsuna: "What's the meaning of life, the chicken or the egg?" Asuna: "Chuck Norris.") (Alfred Hitchcock isn't seen in this episode) (Ending theme: Instrumental of MacARTHUR'S PARK by Jimmy Webb) (Snakes on a Plane: Setsuna warns the leader, "If you go any further with your act, I'll make sure your eternal punishment is snakes biting on your dick!") (Director: Emma Watson)
EPISODE 6: Hell On Earth! Mahora Academy Hostage Crisis Part II [TV-14 LV] (main cast: EMMA WATSON, LABON HESTER, MIYUU SAWAI, DAVEIGH CHASE, BONNIE WRIGHT, and SIENNA MILLER) (main guest stars: KAY PANABAKER, LIAM NEESON, CHISAKI HAMA, EMILY OSMENT, MEW AZAMA, GEORGIE HENLEY, AYAKA SAITO, JESSICA DISMUKE, BRENNA O'BRIEN, LINA KOIKE, and RUPERT GRINT) (episode-exclusive: MARTIN KLEBBA as the terrorist leader and BILL PAXTON, JOHN MALKOVICH, KIRAN SHAH, MICHAEL DORN, BRENT SPINER, and RIP TORN as the terrorists) (recurring character: FAMKE JANSSEN as Donet McGuinness) (Asuna is dead in this episode) (Chuck Norris reference: Negi warns the terrorist leader that he doesn't want to face off against unidentified bearded men with a penchant for roundhouse kicks) (Alfred Hitchcock isn't seen in this episode) (ending theme: Instrumental of IT'S A LONG ROAD by Dan Hill) (Snakes on a Plane: When Sakurako Shiina discovers Asuna's beaten-up body, she gags and says, "Jesus! Reminds me of when I saw Paul half-eaten by that bloomin' snake in that Goddamn motion picture with Samuel L. Jackson!") (Director: Emma Watson)
EPISODE 7: The Case of the Betamax Murder [TV-14 LV] (main cast: EMMA WATSON, LABON HESTER, MIYUU SAWAI) (main guest stars: KAY PANABAKER, RUPERT GRINT, and LINDSAY LOHAN) (episode-exclusive: GREG SNEGOFF as the coroner, MICHAEL CHIKLIS as the video shopkeeper, and MICHAEL DORN as the bootlegger) (new character: DENZEL WASHINGTON as Gandolfini) (Asuna's comic book death: Charles Bronson's Death Wish character shoots her in the forehead; we don't actually see her get killed, but the first indication is an unseen gunshot) (Chuck Norris reference: Asuna tells Konoka that Charles Bronson's in Death Wish, not Chuck Norris) (Alfred Hitchcock cameo: His CGI rendition is in the crowd at the coroner's ruling when the coroner rules that Asuna's death was suspicious) (Ending theme: Instrumental of MacARTHUR'S PARK by Jimmy Webb) (Snakes on a Plane: Negi, at the coroner's ruling, says, "I wonder if a snake jumped out and bit her to death? Nah, that'd only happen on a plane.") (Director: Robert Rodriguez)
EPISODE 8: X-Games at Mahora Academy [TV-14 V] (main cast: EMMA WATSON, LABON HESTER, MIYUU SAWAI, DAVEIGH CHASE, BONNIE WRIGHT, and SIENNA MILLER) (main guest stars: SILAS CARSON, EMILY OSMENT, MEW AZAMA, CHISAKI HAMA, GEORGIE HENLEY, ALEXA VEGA, KAY PANABAKER, RUPERT GRINT, LINDSAY LOHAN, ASHLEY TISDALE, JESSICA DISMUKE, BRENNA O'BRIEN, and AYAKA SAITO) (episode exclusive: BRENDA SONG, VANESSA ANNE HUDGENS, HILARY DUFF, and dozens of extras as walking club members) (Asuna's comic book death: As a guest hiker in the death walk, she's the first to die of heat exhaustion) (other comic book deaths include Fuuka and Fumika Narutaki of heat exhaustion) (Chuck Norris reference: Konoka: "Hi Gramps! Do you look forward to the skateboarding matchup between me and you?" Konoemon: "Really? I was told that an unidentified bearded man who had challenged me earlier would be competing here against me.") (Alfred Hitchcock cameo: His silhouette appears as the referee, but we never see Alfred Hitchcock himself) (Ending theme: SK8ERBOI by Avril Lavigne) (Snakes on a Plane: When Fuuka dies of heat exhaustion and Fumika is trying to carry her body out of the desert, snakes drop out of the blue, and Fumika, exhausted already, weakly sputters, "Enough... is enough... I have had it... with these Goddamn snakes... on this Goddamn plain.") (Director: Sam Raimi)
EPISODE 9: A Day in the Life of a Student Librarian [TV-PG DL] (main cast: EMMA WATSON, LABON HESTER, MIYUU SAWAI, and DAVEIGH CHASE) (main guest stars: COURTNEY DRAPER and ARACELY ARAMBULA) (Asuna doesn't die in this episode) (Chuck Norris reference: Asuna asks if there's any books about Chuck Norris) (Alfred Hitchcock cameo: His CGI rendition appears as a teacher scanning for books in the library) (Ending theme: Instrumental of MacARTHUR'S PARK by Jimmy Webb) (Snakes on a Plane: A book in the library is "Snakes on a Plane", written by Ken Akamatsu, the author of the "Negima!" graphic novels.) (Director: David Fincher)
EPISODE 10: Lingshen's Quantam Leap [TV-PG LV] (main cast: EMMA WATSON, LABON HESTER, and MIYUU SAWAI) (main guest stars: KEIKO KITAGAWA, KAY PANABAKER, CHISAKI HAMA, and HANK AZARIA) (Asuna's comic book death: Vaporized by Lingshen's quantam physics experiment along with Shiina) (other comic book death: Sakurako Shiina is vaporized with Asuna) (Chuck Norris reference: Lingshen Chao reminds the survivors to stand back next time as she just lost two classmates to a force even greater than Chuck Norris) (Alfred Hitchcock cameo: He's seen in the vortex right before Asuna and Shiina are sucked to their deaths in the vortex) (Ending theme: Instrumental of IT'S ALL ABOUT THE BENJAMINS ROCK REMIX by Puff Daddy) (Snakes on a Plane: At the end, when Asuna's body is floating in the vortex next to Shiina's body, we see Paul's half-eaten body in the vortex, along with the snakes that were thrown out of the plane when Neville Flynn opened some ****ing windows.) (Prank call to Starbooks: Shiina dials 555-0975; Owner - "Starbooks Coffee." Shiina - "G'Day. Is Al there?" Owner - "Al?" Shiina - "Aye, Al. Last name Koholic." Owner - "Lemme check... Phone call for Al. Al Coholic. Is there an AL COHOLIC here?" Everyone at Starbooks laughs; Owner - "Wait a minute... Listen, you little yellow-bellied rat jackass, if I ever find out who you are, I'm gonna kill you!") (Director: George Lucas)
EPISODE 11: Horse Race! Ayaka Yukihiro vs. the Cheerleader, the Fortune Teller, and the Artist [TV-PG LV] (main cast: EMMA WATSON, MIYUU SAWAI, and BONNIE WRIGHT) (main guest stars: KAY PANABAKER, ASHLEY TISDALE, and HANK AZARIA) (episode-exclusive: MANDY MOORE and a few extras as equestrians) (Asuna's comic book death: Thrown off her horse when Eiko cheats and deliberately rams her horse into a headbutt on Asuna's horse; she makes a violent landing and dies on impact) (first episode where Negi Springfield doesn't even get one second of screen time) (Chuck Norris reference: Eiko, before ramming into Asuna to kill her, shouts, "Time to meet your maker, you worshipper of Chuck Norris! Or better still, time for you to go to Chuck Norris's equivelant of Heaven!") (Alfred Hitchcock cameo: His CGI rendition is seen trying to flag down Eiko right after Asuna falls off her horse and dies) (Ending theme: Instrumental of MacARTHUR'S PARK by Jimmy Webb) (Snakes on a Plane: When Alfred Hitchcock is flagging down Eiko, she pulls a string on her vest, letting loose a dozen snakes, leading Ayaka to yell, "Enough is enough! I have had it with these Goddamn snakes on this Goddamn track!") (Prank call to Starbooks: Shiina dials 555-0975; Owner - "Starbooks Coffee." Shiina - "G'Day. I'd like to speak to a friend named Sue. Last name Kurumi." Owner - "One moment. Phone call for Sue Kurumi! SUE KURUMI!" Everyone at Starbooks laughs; Owner - "It's you again, isn't it? The moment I find out who you are, I'll give you the Full Metal Jacket treatment!") (Director: James Cameron)
EPISODE 12: Negi's Blind Date [TV-14 DLS] (main cast: EMMA WATSON, LABON HESTER, MIYUU SAWAI, DAVEIGH CHASE, BONNIE WRIGHT, and SIENNA MILLER) (main guest stars: ANNA POPPLEWELL, LIAM NEESON, EMILY OSMENT, MEW AZAMA, JESSICA DISMUKE, KAY PANABAKER, ARACELY ARAMBULA, JESSICA SUMPTER, CHISAKI HAMA, and HANK AZARIA) (episode-exclusive: EDWARD NORTON as a security guard) (Asuna doesn't die in this episode) (Chuck Norris reference: During a fortune-telling session, Konoka tells Negi that his crush worships Chuck Norris as a god) (Alfred Hitchcock isn't seen in this episode) (Ending theme: GIRLFRIEND by Avril Lavigne) (Snakes on a Plane: Right when Nekane's image shows up on her airmail, she mentions airport security having been "****ing tight ever since those terrorists put snakes on a plane.") (Phone call to Starbooks: Shiina dials 555-0975; Owner - "Starbooks Coffee, where the elite meet to drink." Shiina - "G'day, mate. Is Mike there? Last name, Rotch." Owner - "Hold on, I'll check. Mike Rotch! Mike Rotch! Hey, has anybody seen MIKE ROTCH lately?" Everyone at Starbooks laughs; Owner - "Listen, you little puke. One of these days, I'm going to catch you, and I'm going to carve my name on your back with an ice pick.") (Director: James Cameron)
EPISODE 13: A Nightmare on Sakura Street (or, Negi Springfield and His New Partner Asuna Kagurazaka vs. the Evil Vampire and Her Robotic Partner) (two-hour episode) [TV-14 DLSV] (main cast: EMMA WATSON, LABON HESTER, MIYUU SAWAI, BOB BERGEN, DAVEIGH CHASE, BONNIE WRIGHT, and SIENNA MILLER) (main guest stars: GEORGIE HENLEY, AYAKA SAITO, KAY PANABAKER, EMILY OSMENT, MEW AZAMA, DANIEL RADCLIFFE, ARACELY ARAMBULA, JESSICA DISMUKE, KEIKO KITAGAWA, BRECK BRUNS, LINA KOIKE, DIANE STILWELL, COURTNEY DRAPER, JESSICA SUMPTER, CHISAKI HAMA, LINDSAY LOHAN, AYAKA KOMATSU, ALEXA VEGA, SILAS CARSON, BRAD PITT, and EDWARD SPELEERS) (Asuna doesn't die in this episode) (Chuck Norris reference: During the final battle, Asuna roundhouse kicks Chachamaru several times) (Alfred Hitchcock cameo: His CGI rendition is seen near the beginning in Mahora Grand Central Station) (Ending theme: IT'S A LONG ROAD) (Snakes on a Plane: When the end credits scroll, Evangeline and Negi are arguing about who won, and one of Negi's lines is "All right, Eva-san, if you're tougher than Neville Flynn, throw some mother****ing snakes off of a mother****ing plane for all I care!") (Theatrical release: Halloween 2007) (Theatrical version's ending theme: LIVIN' ON THE EDGE by Aerosmith) (Theatrical version in black and white) (Director: Emma Watson) (Theatrical version rated R for fantasy violence, nudity, language and teen smoking)

Season 1 finale
"A Nightmare on Sakura Street" (2007)
Cast
Emma Watson as Asuna Kagurazaka
Labon Hester as Negi Springfield
Miyuu Sawai as Konoka Konoe
Bob Bergen as Albert Chamomile (voice)
Sienna Miller as Makie Sasaki
Daveigh Chase as Nodoka Miyazaki
Bonnie Wright as Ayaka Yukihiro
Georgie Henley as Evangeline A.K. McDowell
Ayaka Saito as Chachamaru Karakuri
Edward Speleers as the Southern Master (Nagi Springfield)
Silas Carson as Konoemon Konoe
Diane Stilwell as Shizuna Minamoto
Chisaki Hama as Kaede Nagase
Daniel Radcliffe as Chisame Hasegawa
Aracely Arambula as Yue Ayase
Alexa Vega as Yuna Akashi
Ayaka Komatsu as Ako Izumi
Kelly Stables as Akira Okochi
Brad Pitt as Takamichi T. Takahata
Breck Bruns as Misora Kasuga
Kay Panabaker as Sakurako Shiina
Rupert Grint as Madoka Kugimiya
Lindsay Lohan as Misa Kakizaki
Emily Osment as Fuuka Narutaki
Myu Azama as Fumika Narutaki (credited as "Mew Azama")
Rina Koike as Setsuna Sakurazaki (credited as "Lina Koike")
Mary Kate Olson as Satomi Nakase
Keiko Kitagawa as Lingshen Chao
Courtney Draper as Haruna Saotome
Jessica Dismuke as Kazumi Asakura
Ashley Tisdale as Eiko
Emmy Rossum as Bibi
Katie Leung as Shii
Hank Azaria as the Starbooks owner
Director
Emma Watson
Distributors
Walt Disney Pictures, CBS Theatrical Films, and C2 Pictures
Rating
R for fantasy violence, nudity, language and teen smoking
Chuck Norris references
During the final battle, Asuna roundhouse kicks Chachamaru several times
Russian reversals
1. In the opening, Asuna reminds Negi, "In Soviet Russia, girl sneezes on YOU!!"
2. Near the end, Evangeline nearly got Negi when he says, "In Soviet Russia, blood sucks YOU!!"
Alfred Hitchcock cameo: His CGI rendition is seen near the beginning in Mahora Grand Central Station
Anti-Atlantic Records snipes
Before the blackout, some students are picketing and holding signs reading such crap as "Turn off Atlantic Records!", "Drain Atlantic", "To hell with Atlantic!", "Atlantic Records sucks!", "Vote for Weird Al Yankovic", and most famously, the big blue "YOU SUCK!"
Snakes on a Plane
When the end credits scroll, Evangeline and Negi are arguing about who won, and one of Negi's lines is "All right, Eva-san, if you're tougher than Neville Flynn, throw some mother****ing snakes off of a mother****ing plane for all I care!"
Prank calls to Starbooks
1. (Sakurako Shiina calls 555-0975)
OWNER: Starbooks Coffee.
SHIINA: G'Day. I'd like to speak with the Greek bloke Kykuras. First name Al.
OWNER: One moment. Phone call for Al Kykuras! AL KYKURAS!
(Everyone at Starbooks laughs)
OWNER: Oh, s***. Not you again! If I ever catch you, I'll rip your heart out!
2. (Sakurako Shiina calls 555-0975)
OWNER: Starbooks Coffee.
SHIINA: G'Day. I'd like to speak to a mighty fine bloke named Hawk. First name Mike.
OWNER: One moment. Mike Hawk! Mike Hawk! Hey, has anyone seen MIKE HAWK lately?
(Everyone at Starbooks laughs)
OWNER: Listen, you little bitch. If I ever get ahold of you, I'll make sure you're subjected to the foulest fresh fruit on the planet1
Wilhelm scream
1. When Akira and Kaede sneak up on Negi and bag him.
2. Quick follow-up to the aforementioned Wilhelm scream when Negi is thrown into the bathhouse's bathing area.
Music written by
Lalo Schifrin
Score performed by
Emma Watson (guitar and keyboards)
Jim West (background guitar)
Daniel Radcliffe (bass)
Bermuda Schwartz (drummer)
Warren Luening (trumpet)
Lee Thornberg (tuba)
Tom Sauber (fiddle)
Songs
SUICIDE IS PAINLESS (instrumental)
THRILLER (Michael Jackson)
SHOUT AT THE DEVIL (Motley Crue)
NATURE TRAIL TO HELL (instrumental)
YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL explicit version (James Blunt)
LIVIN' ON THE EDGE (Aerosmith)

>:(
"Are you trying to say "capisce"? Because it hurts my ears the way you say it."