MovieChat Forums > Dan in Real Life (2007) Discussion > Dan's 'dilemma' - should not have been t...

Dan's 'dilemma' - should not have been that big a deal!

posted 12 years ago by LadyConsumer
20 replies | jump to latest

Dan's whole "dilemma" was so contrived and unrealistic that I didn't feel connected. Mostly I just kept thinking that if this were my real life situation, I could manage to bury my feelings for a few days, without causing all kinds of mayhem during my family reunion. After all, Dan and Marie only knew each other for a couple hours, before they meet up again at the house. There simply wasn't enough time for them to really develop the connection that they are portraying. So, it was hard for me to feel much sympathy for them, or to engage in their drama.

You can read my full review here:
http://www.epinions.com/review/Dan_in_Real_Life_Peter_Hedges_1/content _509787999876

Thanks!

[–] simian_ninja 11 years ago

Yeah, he sort of regressed into being a jealous little teenager type which is something that his mother mentions in the film. I think the character of Dan is a pretty big @$$hole but Steve Carrell will forever be awesome.

--------------------------------------
Death is the standard breach for a complex prize.

[–] docholliday725 11 years ago

That's the point. The person Dan is portraying to his readers and even his family is not the "Real" Dan.

He has insulated himself since his wife's death. His life revolves around giving advice to his readers, to whom he can be anybody to, and his daughters. His relationship with his daughters in on the wane because he is too overprotective. He also doesn't want to accept they're growing up.

All that changes when he meets Marie and the subsequent events that occur over the three days.

I think it's harsh to call him names. A lot of people try to create different images of themselves but need a catalyst, person or persons to find their true calling again.

Steve Carrell played the part brilliantly and was supported by a great cast.

[–] iKnowFilm 11 years ago

It's most definitely not too harsh to call him names. He spent a couple hours with a woman...turns out she was his brothers girlfriend and then proceeded to be an a$$hole and make a scene. Also, it's not really calling him names...it's calling him what he is....a *beep* jerk. It doesn't matter if he's trying to "create images" or whatever...being a jerk is being a jerk.

After being an jerk at a reunion he picks up a couple kids and she looks at him with fondness. The whole movie was a big WTF.

I think you need to give the movie another watch and notice just how pathetic and childish Dan is. I mean really...it's so easy to see how *beep* childish he is.

[–] pilarinhavana 11 years ago

I think he does act like a jerk, but he's a man trying to come to terms with his two older kids who are growing up and away from him and then he meets Marie, the first woman to spark his interest in women since his wife died. He does struggle to stay away from her but screws that up as well. He is a good man and dad, but he isn't handling this juncture in his life very well. Perhaps he's is childish, but don't we all act that way some times. Maybe you should watch it again to see he's not so pathetic as only human.

[–] iKnowFilm 11 years ago

Then he's pretty bad at being human. The whole "only human" excuse is stupid. "He killed someone...but hey he's only human"...would you take that excuse? Probably not. Why? Because being human isn't an excuse for his actions. So him being human is no excuse for him being a childish jerk. I don't mind jerks in movies but he was just a stupid character. And no, he wasn't a good man. He ran off to make out with his brothers girlfriend an hour or so after they broke up. Don't be silly...just because the movie portrayed him as kind of good natured doesn't make him a "good man". Watch the movie...he's not that good. He's a bad father, bad brother, just a pathetic *beep* that everyone would hate if he wasn't part of their family (there's a reason he's the oddball of the family). If he wasn't the main character he probably wouldn't have been put in kind of a good light. People always sympathize with the main character...look at how girls react to some other romance movies where the guy is a total dick. People love to like the main character without using their brains and realizing this character is no where near being a good stand up guy.

And just because he has good intentions with his parenting doesn't mean his parenting wasn't horrible.

[–] pilarinhavana 11 years ago

Well, this is only fictional character you know...why are you so upset if other people sympathize with him? Sheesh...get a life.

[–] iKnowFilm 11 years ago

First of all, the phrase "get a life" is stupid. How does that make me not "have a life"? Leave the stupid phrases to the thirteen year olds and try to sound like an intelligent adult.

If you're not ready to discuss, which is what I was doing, then get off the discussion boards.

[–] pilarinhavana 11 years ago

You're not discussing, you're telling other people what to think. And First of all, the phrase "get a life" is stupid. How does that make me not "have a life"? Leave the stupid phrases to the thirteen year olds and try to sound like an intelligent adult. sounds so adult.

[–] iKnowFilm 11 years ago

I was discussing by giving reasons for my thinking and doing a rational character analysis.

We're supposed to be talking about movie related stuff so either talk about the movie or I'm not responding. You're last couple comments have been irrational and brought nothing of value to the topic so lets nip this in the bud and end this silliness.

You edited yours as I was writing mine. So telling you to try and sound intelligent isn't acting like an adult? I think it's a very adult thing to do. But whatever you say.

[–] pilarinhavana 11 years ago

You're hating on a fictional character and calling everyone who doesn't agree with you irrational...sorry someone (your brother?) ran off with your girlfriend or wife...Mister I Know Film.

[–] iKnowFilm 11 years ago

No, I'm calling irrationality irrational. It's called movie discussion. Did you never take literature class where people discussed the characters in the book?

So you agree that running off with one's brothers girlfriend or wife is a bad thing. Finally a valid thing to say.

Although, to assume that someone ran off with my girlfriend or wife just because I think it's a bad thing is irrational. (I'm not calling you irrational just because you don't agree with me...I'm calling you irrational because you're acting like a stupid child.)

But hey, if you have anything else good to say please don't drown it in stupidity. I hate having to waste most of my post to explain why your being silly.

[–] jaytf1 10 years ago

Remember It's a movie but I agree that in real life(no pun intended)when you realize the girl you met once, is your brother's girlfriend you get over it. He's your brother, family comes first. Swallow your pride you only met her once.

[–] docholliday725 10 years ago

I don't think it's that easy. Dan did try to tell Mitch. He also tried to keep his emotions in check. Marie thought they should just tell everyone, but Dan stopped her. Dan was battling with his feelings for Marie and his love for his brother. He also knew that Marie didn't feel the same way about Mitch, as Mitch claimed to feel about her. When Mitch meets Ruthie, the "Real" Mitch is exposed. Sometimes you just can't walk away when you've found your soul mate. Even if it is for the second time.

[–] JaffaCakes 10 years ago

OP hit is spot on.

This movie is grasping at straws. There are a few unspoken rules in this world. But one key one is you don't gun for your bro's fiance, let alone girlfriend esp your blood bro too. You're an ass if you do. Dan is an an ass. He should of cut it off while instead he continues to try to develop a relationship with her. This made the movie frivolous to me, so I had a hard time enjoying it.

Perhaps they should have executed, just their first encounter it a bit better. I didn't buy their soulmate excuse.

[–] 10 years ago

[deleted]

[–] troyblackburn1967 10 years ago

I agree 100% word for word with your post. I just kept thinking dude are your that big of and a$$hole that you can't just set aside your little 4th grade crush feeling out of respect for your Brother and family and enjoy the weekend?

[–] ibbi 10 years ago

They only knew each other for a couple of hours, but I thought the two actors did a good job showing the connection that formed between two people who it seems may not get attached too often? I do agree that it shouldn't have been that big a deal, but only in that he should have said something to somebody much sooner rather than keeping it a secret.

___
http://tinyurl.com/m746w8t

[–] docholliday725 10 years ago

There is a point in the movie where Dan tries to confess to Mitch who the girl in the book store was. However, Mitch expresses his feelings about Marie and asks Dan what it means. Dan tells him it's love. After that he doesn't make an attempt. He's torn and remains conflicted.

It's very simple to say he should have walked away. He tries. He takes an excursion with the kids to the bowling alley, the shell store and eventually the lighthouse where he's still not himself. He is berated by his siblings with children upon his return.

There is a deleted scene, where the parents explain to Dan how they met on a train. Dan's father was already engaged, but was smitten when he met the "real" future Mrs. Burns. This scene should not have been cut. But perhaps, the director thought Dan and the rest of the family would have known this all along.

[–] geearf 10 years ago

I agree, I didn't mind the movie in general, but the based plot was too much for me.
How could one do that to his brother? for a girl he barely met? it makes no sense to me...
Same how she was pissed after we went "for a drive" with pig-face... Why should she be?

[–] combosonfire 9 years ago

Hi,

Greetings....

It's sad you didn't feel connected, and felt instead the movie to be unrealistic.

For me it was just the other way around....

Normally when I watch a movie, I am in it....as I am an immigrant and living away from family, I tend to watch a movie like this just alone, living in it... :)

For me everything just fell so much in place, I literally had a tear in my eye when Dan was singing the last lines of the song he was singing with his brother.
And I don't know was I even breathing while I watched that part.
I was feeling as if I'm chocking.

I had some past memories running in parallel when I watched the movie. About a very dear person to me, who I fell in love but hardly have spoken handful of words.
I personally believe love can happen in many ways...it doesn't need to have a structure. That is what I believe..

Seeing someone really hot and wanting her in bed is not love, I am grown enough to fit my pants and know that. :)

Dan's love here is not something of that kind...
Which in other words, what Dan had wasn't Lust.
If you see the shower scene that he breaks into, justifies that well....
He was not looking at her body, he was just looking at her and enjoying her expressions and just didn't know what he was going to do....he never looked at her body but her face and away, all the time.

Sometime in life you meet people they are different. Hard to put as Hot, but they got something which grabs your attention...
Characteristics like smile, laugh, their expressions all tend to bring you nothing but joy...a feeling that you can hardly relate to or even describe...like sometime they might be smiling with someone else and you smile alone looking at her. The moment you feel connected by the whole heart, and you just feel the heart would explode...

It is painful to see when a ship leaves the shore, and you know that it's carrying someone whom you love, very dear to you and she is never gonna return.
But what's worse is, when you see her day in day out living closer to you, but not with you(with someone else) and also knowing the time is running short because they both might take their hands in marriage soon.

This can feel as adding salt to a wound when you have to be happy for them because she is happy and the couple looks happy. (within inside the feeling of loneliness no matter a million is surrounded by you at that time, you would just feel sad and lonely.)

The sadness rises not because she is happy, or they are Happy.
But because she is making someone else happy, and that is the exact same way you dreamt of being happy with her together.

The word for it may be Jealousy. If that is the case be it.
But then with all these how can you let go of someone whom you love, to someone who is not much serious about relationships?

It's a horrendous situation.

I really think Dan is not a jerk or a bad guy. Because he didn't seem to portray any of those qualities and I firmly believe the movie did 100% justice in acting and selecting it's stars, cast and crew members.

Reason for that is, he knew his brothers character and knew that he is a very easy going person with regard to relationships and Dan in the other hand has got this spark of a feeling to fall in love again after his wife has passed away and 4 years have passed since, on top of that dealing against some rebellious kids.

His immature behavior justifies by that. Because deep down he has been hurt a lot throughout that period of time. Lost his wife. Kids aren't listening his word etc. He just wanted to that spark to keep going... But he just didn't know what to do. Anyone in his place would have done the same. I would have done the same.

It was an entertaining movie and a memorable one for me. Loved every second of it.

This is how I felt about the movie.

Have a good day.

-Peace-