Alright, let's get an interesting game going. Make your own roast speech to Pamela Anderson and the others at the roast, pretend you were an actual guest. Let's try this out!
"It was definitly some puerto rican guy alright".-OJ Simpson, South Park
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Sounds like a fun idea, I can’t believe no one jumped on this one but heck why not… it’s gonna get offensive though (But what the fuc it’s a roast? and I've misspelled the curse words intentionally to try and stop the *beep* *Beepss* that pop up)
-Walks up to the dais, wild applause-
Oh shutup let’s get this sh!t over with. Besides you’re only clapping cos Kimmel shutup… But seriously he’s doing a decent job as roast master… but then again last year’s roast was mastered by a retard so the bar’s not that high.
I didn’t even want to do this roast, I only came because I heard Pam was gonna recreate her slow-mo run and I thought I could knock off a quick one while she did. This woman has helped teens learn where their pricks are for years cos let’s face it, we all learned to jack off thanks to that run… even Andy Dick but that was because he thought the fabric was nicely stitched.
Tommy Lee is here, this is the first time Tommy’s been on a tape where he’s not Fuc!<ing something in the ass. This is a man who’s porn video needed special effects to get rid of the look of disgust on his coks face. This man married Pamela after knowing her for four days, which is also about how long it takes for Lisa Lampanelli to locate her kunt.
Lisa’s only here because she heard there was a pool game afterwards and no one knows more about sinking a black ball than Lisa… though we may have to wash it after I don’t know. But Lisa is seriously in a dilemma, she either has to try and *beep* Eddie Griffin with his white sized cok or *beep* Tommy Lee with his black sized one so it’s a problem for her.
Adam Carolla’s here because someone waved a dollar bill in front of him and he followed them like a lost dog. I have never seen anyone who looks like they’ve been hit in the face with a shovel before I saw Adam and seeing him now I want to hit him in the face with a shovel again.
We’ve only got Eddie Griffin here because we needed someone for Lisa to throw insults at and we’ve gotta get rid of the excess chicken somehow.
Sarah Silverman, you’re a fantastic comic, a wonderful woman and you suck more than Jeffery Ross does which is always nice, though Andy Dick is catching up to you so see me after the roast and I’ll help you get your lead back.
Jeffery, you’re as manly as Bea Arthur and your jokes are just as old. Seriously the first person to laugh at one of your jokes was named Ugg.
I’m not gonna make a joke about Nick DiApaolo because just looking at him I know if I do I’m gonna wake up in the morning with a horses head in my bed and really I couldn’t let Lisa lose her head just because of some joke I made.
We managed to drag Andy off of a cok for this roast and as you can see he’s having withdrawals. In the last ten minutes he’s looked at Bea Arthur’s dick so often that I’m amazed we don’t have to cut away while he get’s his fix.
I looked Greg up on Wikipedia, and within seconds I was regretting it. Greg you look like you’re so constipated that the sh!ts coming out of your chin. I tried to look at a picture of you on my computer and my computer killed itself in self defense.
Bea, it’s a real honor to have you here. It took real balls for you to turn up tonight and do this which is fortunate because you have the biggest balls out of all the other guys on the stage. Just one question, when you were cast as the golden girls did they check to make sure you fit the second part of that title?
Elon, I don’t really know anything about you and something tells me I should be thankful for that. I've never seen a shorter IMDB page in my life and I've seen Otto, that ballon from Flying High's IMDB page.
Lisa, I hate to tell you this but you’ve come to the wrong place. The black coksuckers conventions is actually the next door over but it’s OK, I managed to sneak some chicken past Eddie, Pamela and Bea so they’ll be here shortly
Lady Bunny, it’s nice that we have a real woman on the dais tonight. Though I hope you’re aware that if your hair get’s any higher then Courtney’s gonna get jealous.
Courtney Love, I’ve met a lot of drug *beep* stars tonight, most of them were Andy Dick in different hats, but you are the only one I would gladly *beep* provided I was really *beep* high before I did.
But enough of these hacks because we’re here tonight to honor the biggest hack of them all. Pam Anderson is a legend, in fact she’s three legends rolled in one, mostly because most guys would call her tit’s bigger legends than her. This woman went from playing Pebbles Flintstone to a giant whore in a twenty year span, something that few have managed to do and none have truly mastered. She’s showed more cleavage on screen than any human being in history and has caused more erections than people mistaking Viagra for vitamins.
But she had a huge heart, which if you’ve seen her tit’s it’s pretty obvious that there’s room there for it. She loves animals, which explains the marriage to Tommy Lee. She’s a humanitarian and a giver and on behalf of humanity I thank you and on behalf of teenage boys all around the world… can I squeeze your left tit a little bit?
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If you have a problem with what I say, learn the meaning of a joke and shut up