A masterpiece of a movie, I gave it a 10

Hear me out before you flame away, please understand that this movie is a masterpiece! It's acting, it's dialogue, the fact that none of the plots make any sense and every actor had to be on some serious crack to do this film.

That aside, you simply cannot deny the special effects! That cape of dracula? AWESOME, this man should be a national treasure, he saved his production crew money by simply swinging his cape like a kid just hit in the back of the head with a nine iron and production simply adding in a swaying motion that rivals anything George Lucas could ever do.

And the locations! Wow! I saw a warehouse, and a house in the warehouse and oddly enough, a police station in the warehouse! It sure was easy for the cops to hide behind boxes from the vampire and for ron hall to quickly jump from his home to the police station by simply walking! The savings AND practicality, watch out Blade, i'd rather see people and boxes then a club with hundreds of people!

And let's not forget about the action sequences! When Ron Hall puts on his um..costume? NOBODY can stop him, not even the f'n hulk! Those spins that last longer then five seconds followed by a roundhouse kick that would put Kip to shame and totally put whimply martial arts movies like Ong Bak back to China or some place that this movie can't follow because it's too good to follow anyone, you folow Vampire Assassins! Who needs hardcore punches and kicks when you have kick and punch and then death! Watch out Jackie Chan, Ron Hall is going to kick some ass and it's probably yours! Or someone who looks like you!

I HIGHLY recommend Vampire Assassins before surgery or pregnancy, it will change your life forever and you WILL believe Ron Hall IS a vampire killer! If vampires were to appear, i'm pretty sure the population who have had the honor of seeing this thing will be like "Hey, get Ron Hall!" and then the government will be like "hell no, shut up and go home you stupid stupid people, we rule" and then you'll all assemble some sort of Ron Hall Summoner Device With Floss(TM) and then he'll come forward and kill those vampires.

So yeah if you are still reading this, it's a really corny movie that demands your attention, watch it and have a fit, a LAUGHING fit. It's deserves to be consider one of the worst movies ever made, especially in this day and age when a pile of horsecrap like this actually makes it to shelves, you know somewhere a good director is crying. Rent or buy, Vampire Assassins is a must buy! A+!

The f'n hulk...?

I think I just had a seizure reading this..