MovieChat Forums > The Tournament (2010) Discussion > 100 things I learnt from The Tournament

100 things I learnt from The Tournament


This could be fun....

1. Shotguns and homing devices = watermelony head

2. Said devices make more of bang than grenades in chruch

3. Don't catch the 136 bus from Middlesborough

4. Night clubs in Middlesborough really are worse than you imagined they'd be

5. Billionaires are stereotypes of their cultures....every single one...

6. iPhone like sucks compared to these phones...

7. Empty shoes are guaranteed to fool one of the top 20 assassins in the world...

8. Garage attendants have the best noise exclusion headphones... evaaaar....

9. If you're going to die, die very very creatively....

10. And finally, bourbon really burns well, and if you are set on fire with bourbon, you will be able to run a quarter mile and look as though it's just a bad case of sunburn.....

reply

[deleted]

[deleted]

I quite liked them. It's always fun to compare the things you learned with those that others did. And this was a nice thread starter.

I might post later but am too tired atm!

reply

7. Empty shoes are guaranteed to fool one of the top 20 assassins in the world...

Umm, it wasn't merely one of the top 20 assassins in the world, it was John Cusack's assassin character from Grosse Pointe Blank. Y'all DID notice that, right? "Eddie Cusack"? aHEM.

reply

I thought there was a joke in that name!
Also the crazy Russian fighter = Chuck Norris
Also guy in gold at the strip club = Scarface

reply

__________________________________________________________________________________

Umm, it wasn't merely one of the top 20 assassins in the world, it was John Cusack's assassin character from Grosse Pointe Blank. Y'all DID notice that, right? "Eddie Cusack"? aHEM.
__________________________________________________________________________________


That would be Martin Blank. Which isn't the same character. Besides, he wouldn't participate since he's on vacation... doctor's orders and such. ;-)



Priests adore prophets, prophets resent priests

reply

@ 59... you should see him perform a rhinoplasty. X-D





71. It takes a Russian to use explosives in a stealthy fashion.

72. If the Brit cop carries an SMG in the glove compartment of his car, he's probably not a cop.

73. French people post '95 come default equipped with Parkour skills. It's genentic, just like Kung Fu with the Chinese.

74. If you're out to snuff another assassin who holds a defensive position and most likely has gun(s), you...

a) wait until your target comes out of the room where you can ambush from a distance with a rifle or bomb.

b) Bring a piano-wire, knock on the door and claim to be room service.

c) Gas the room.

d) Burn the building down.

Some retards still make it past initiation screening to assassin night school.

75. Ving Rhames is explosion proof. He merely hasn't gotten the hang of sharp objects yet.

76. Moped + rocket launcher = win.

77. Stray double decker bus >>> Moped/rpg combo.

78. Once again I'm reminded of why my dad left Texas.

79. Even battle hardened assassins facing a common death threat need a break to view some T&A.

80. Rich people have some seriously boring lives.



Priests adore prophets, prophets resent priests

reply

48 is a total classic :D priceless...
Also the very durable table withstanding AK-47 fire is great! :)

reply

11. 110 lb women can take a beating to rival any MMA fighter without skipping a beat but cut her skin deep to remove a tiny bomb/tracking device and she will spend several moments unconscious

reply

11. You wont get a scratch even if you are seen inside a fuel tanker 3 sec before it blows to pieces.

12. It only takes 2 computer geeks a few sec. to hack into all security cameras in the city. Even in a bus that I am sure of is not even connected to any network.

13. The assassin code is: revenge can only be done if its a man that killed one of your close ones, it dosent count if its a woman.. even if she freaking murdered your wife.

14. A full blown cut with a big knife into the belly dosent do much damage to a 50-55kg lady.

15. A bomb the size of a peanut can blow 2 men that stand 20 feet away 10 feet into the air, but only the money on a radius of 1-2 feet moves.

16. assassins don't get marks on their faces when someone beat the *beep* out of their face.

17. Its totally okey when u get shot in the arm, stabbed with a huge knife in your neck and right after shot 5 feet away in your leg with a shotgun.. u wont even make a sound.. just limp a little bit after it

18. The only way to survive a gunfight against world best assassin is to get 3-10 feet close to them, trust me they wont hit!

19. And finally i learned that the stripbars is the place to hide if someone is tracking you with their cellphone.. ( but not if its a black mans cellphone even though he uses the same system as the rest. He will still know where you are!

reply

"18. The only way to survive a gunfight against world best assassin is to get 3-10 feet close to them, trust me they wont hit! "

It's one of the popular pandemics called "Storm Trooper Syndrome" :)

reply

1.. There are no police in Middlesbrough and the people who live there just ignore all the exploding buses and dead bodies littering the streets

2. the tracking devices work at all times except for when it inconveniences the director, in which case they don't.(where were the alarm beeps before the chinese woman's fight with the room service waiter? or before the assassin with the baby's pram attacks them in the phone box? why don't all the assassins in the nightclub know each other are there? and where are these devices in the climax in the church? how can he creep up on her if his presence sets off an alarm?

3. the world greatest assassins think its a good idea to enter a tournament they have next to no chance of surving cos if they don't die at the hands of another hitman they are just going to explode anyway.

4 all except one of the world's greatest assassins would rather explode than simply cut out the bomb which is just buried beneath their skin

5. when the leader of The Tournament orders you to kill or they will explode your guts out, don't worry about it cos he'll just forget about his threat.

6 the world's greatest assassins can't hit a giant bloke standing six feet away. even with a machine gun.

7. Middlesbrough buses have mysterious and faceless and disappearing passengers.

8 you can make a film with all these flaws and it can still totally rock you out for 90 minutes.. I LOVED IT!!!!

9 I'm going to see it again along with everyone i was with at the screamfest premiere yesterday

10. I will be the first in line for TOURNAMENT 2. PLEEEEEEESE!!!!!


reply

1.. There are no police in Middlesbrough and the people who live there just ignore all the exploding buses and dead bodies littering the streets

>Agree

2. the tracking devices work at all times except for when it inconveniences the director, in which case they don't.(where were the alarm beeps before the chinese woman's fight with the room service waiter? or before the assassin with the baby's pram attacks them in the phone box? why don't all the assassins in the nightclub know each other are there? and where are these devices in the climax in the church? how can he creep up on her if his presence sets off an alarm?

>Assassin pulls out tracking device
>Dead before he even looks at the screen

They knew they were all there in the club...it was mentioned...they didn't know who were the assassins and who were just customers. No one wanted to shoot first because it would have given them away. Until the mad one saw an assassin because of his gun he opened up the proceedings.

At the church I think she just wanted to die because I swear the priest looked at the tracker and saw the other assassin on it. Also whose to say he didn't kill her? The priest at the end could of just imagined her there, smiling.

3. the world greatest assassins think its a good idea to enter a tournament they have next to no chance of surving cos if they don't die at the hands of another hitman they are just going to explode anyway.

They didn't know this. The leader of the event even said it was a new thing. And didn't mention it to any of the contestants until he killed the mad assassin.

4 all except one of the world's greatest assassins would rather explode than simply cut out the bomb which is just buried beneath their skin

See above. Also they would have lost the tournament, remember the french dude got kinda disqualified. Also it would have hurt like *beep* and they don't know how deep they are.

5. when the leader of The Tournament orders you to kill or they will explode your guts out, don't worry about it cos he'll just forget about his threat.

He didn't really say he would kill him but just said the timer would run and he would explode.

6 the world's greatest assassins can't hit a giant bloke standing six feet away. even with a machine gun.

>Agree

7. Middlesbrough buses have mysterious and faceless and disappearing passengers.

>didn't notice

8 you can make a film with all these flaws and it can still totally rock you out for 90 minutes.. I LOVED IT!!!!

>Yepp lol. Although I didn't like the fact they skipped 16 or so fights.

reply

20. You don't pay attention to your enemy tracker until it starts beeping and another assassin is just behind your back.

reply

21. If your body contains a mini bomb just beneath the surface, don't try to remove it, leave it there.

reply

- Those trackers in their skin work on bodyheat apparantly, since it reacts on hot coffee. This movie proves your bodyheat dissapears the second you die since all trackers go bleep once someone dies.

- Camera's are everywhere! In local pubs, stripclubs, name it.

- Putting those devices on a easy to reach spot on your body is ...smarter than to put it on someone's shoulders/back for example?

reply

They didn't know the tracking device was a bomb and if you've ever been to middlesbrough you'd know that dead bodies littering the street and explosions are as common as a fag dump and bird sh!t.

reply

the more i recall this movie the more nuts and illogical it gets, i mean why would the organizers make the device a bomb anyway? what purpose did the bomb serve for them? to stop the assassins escaping? they all chose to be there. but man it was sure a fun night out. why can't they give it a limited cinema release!

reply

"They didn't know the tracking device was a bomb and if you've ever been to middlesbrough you'd know that dead bodies littering the street and explosions are as common as a fag dump and bird sh!t."

I think LiLi/LiLa could have deduced that after one of her fellow assassins blew up ~3feet away from her.

And as for Middlesborough I bow to your greater knowledge. I only know Leicestershire which is apparently the drug capital of England but unfortunately I seem to be constantly missing the many-many drug dealers which are supposed to be littering the streets.

reply

Yes he blew up near the end of the film!! what exactly is your point? she would of figured it out then but there was only a few left by that time. and redcar used to be drugs capital of the northeast (not sure if it still is) which is next door to boro taking the title away from my home town of blyth northumberland.

reply

22. Tables make excellent shields from bullets, as they seem to stop them all, yet bullets can pass easily through the roof of a bus.

reply

Have to agree with GhostShell above me here. This movie got 6.8 so i thought it would give some sort of satisfaction, in the same sort of way that "Surrogates" did (expected it to be over the top and unrealistic, it was, but was very entertaining and i was pleased afterwards).
But this movie was flat out bad, "predictable" is a word that gets thrown around too much but this one really was.
All of the numbers you guys have written here are very true. I did enjoy the "Texas Kid" guy, none of the others. Ving Rhames character was a complete retard. He stands still while getting shot at by an AK47 - and hes the worlds greatest assassin? I mean is that overused kind of slowmo-shot really worth it to ruin one of the main characters?
And why were 20 out of 30 assassins fat rednecks? This movie annoyed me, it was bad even in the mindless action sense. Cool blood effects, thats something it does have, cant think of much else.

For every animal you don't eat I'm going to eat three.

reply

22. If your enemies are driving a police car with a bulletproof front windowpane, keep shooting at the window over and over, and always stay in front of the car (preferably on the hood). No need to shoot the wheels, the gaz tank or try to attack from the side windows. Keep shooting at the bulletproof one, that's definitely the best tactical approach.

23. If you entered a deadly tournament to avenge your wife's murder and kill everything in your path to get to the assassin, once you get your hand on whoever destroyed your life, don't kill her. She didn't mean to do it…

24. If you killed an innocent pregnant woman for money and feel guilty about it, just find an alcoholic pathetic excuse for a priest and he will make all that guilt disappear by telling you it's not your fault. You might be a professional assassin and might have destroyed a family's life, but "none of this is your fault".

25. The villain in your movie doesn't look evil enough? (Any other "Lost" cast member looks more menacing) Just make him kill a random dog for no reason to make sure he does.


"I'm gona put that blind man on a wheel chair!"

reply

I only watched the first 10 minutes. I turned it off when I saw the "professional" assassin come into the warehouse screaming like a cartoon character and then proceed to empty his gun Rambo style while not aiming at all. Then he gets killed because he ran out of bullets? That's a pro alright.

reply

26. Planting a tiny bomb in a someone's stomach makes their head explode!

27. A priest's digestive system is amazingly slow.

28. French people do Pakour - always.

reply

29. Punching and hitting the wall with a hand full of chopped off fingers will hurt like a mutha *beep*

30. Try to kill as many strippers as you can for no reason!

31. Never help screaming women in burning cars!

32. Don't *beep* with Kelly Hu!

reply

33. Learn to never use red double-decker busses in a British film again.
What a crap chase that was, complete with 'comedy' glance at a speed cam.

34. English night clubs have rows of big trucks outside, and look exactly like they're in Texas.

reply

35. After the competition, i could either hire the best assassin in the world or the 31st best because all of ones in between are dead.

reply

All seeing fly: brilliant comments! All three! :-D

reply

36. In England, you can stay to drink/sleep up n'till in the morning. The bar doesn't close at all. But damn sure it opens in the morning. (hey, you can just fake that you're bloody drunk, the bartender lets you sleep over, he leaves and comes in the morning. You wake up, and can serve yourself with some fine liquors)
37. French guys who do parkour never get tired after running like spiderman
38. If you collect bloody fingers, you never ruin your cloths, the finger just stops leaking and you can carry it with ya
39. 24 hours without security cameras and nobody sends technicians to fix the problem, or police to investigate. Without surveillance cameras, all emergency calls are ignored: "Hell 'cha sayin' there?? Murder on the streets? I ain't see *beep* on cams, so stop messin' with da police, buooy!"
40. When you pull hard on the weel at high speed, you can switch lanes without rolling over. But when you get a flat tire, that's a bad rollover
41. You can shoot the pregnant womans easy. But when you deal with a priest, you must let'him defend before you can pull the triger.
42. You gather 30 assasins in one place with a bomber/tracking device inside'em and you get a small nuke blast if you want to.. just sayin'.. no harm done..
43. A striptease bar would be empty without world's best assasins not gather there
44. A guy explodes near you, and after a few minutes your clothes look clean, and your hair too.. damn, I need to change my Head and Shoulders shampoo..
45. You voluntarly drink the '9 pm' substance, and when they came for you just try to grab the gun to shoot'em. But wait.. hey, you already drank it, damn.. if you only knew it wasn't RedBull in that plastic thing.
46. If you're a priest and you want to take a dump close cabin to a lady, it's easyer if she whistles. She whistles, you fart.. a real opera show that will be
47. Famous assasins stop in the middle of highway on a scooter and launch rockets. Bin Laden would be jealous for sure

reply

46. If you're a priest and you want to take a dump close cabin to a lady, it's easyer if she whistles. She whistles, you fart.. a real opera show that will be

LMAO

reply

[deleted]