First up, let me say I'm black, and so this 'beating your kids is a black cultural thing' holds very little water with me. Hitting your kids is wrong full stop. It doesn't teach respect, it teaches fear. My mom only ever hit me once, and she regretted doing it ever since. My parents are highly intelligent people, and usually could think up more appropriate punishments than having to resort to beatings... and quite frankly, it worked, I grew up fine, am a reasonably responsible person, with a good job and so far have managed to not kill anyone, and I get along with my parents great. I always feel that if you have reached a stage where by you have to hit a child then you have already failed as a parent, there are very few cases where by a child naturally does something that is so abhorrently wrong they deserve to be hit, and usually there is a medial problem behind that (ADD etc.) which needs to be addressed, and no amount of smacking will sort that out.
If you are a parent and your child needs a beating, I suggest that you give the child up for adoption so it has a chance of a decent, respectful up bringing, don't have any more kids, or, if you do, you might want to sort out your own parenting issues, because you really shouldn't be having them in the first place.
reply
share
Lex_Jude
18 years ago
You know as I am reading this, I have to wonder to myself....
How many of you out there actually HAVE kids? Your opinions on a lot of hot topics like these will change when you take that huge step and become a mother/father. I know I changed a ot of my beliefs when I had my first child. And I do believe there is a fine line between abuse and punishment....and let me tell you, sometimes a child deserves a belt to the but. But sometimes other punishments are in line too. Abuse is something that is done in extreme, without regard, often for no reason. Abuse is scary and ful of fear. I know the difference, trust me. When my mother slapped me when I called her a B*tch, I deserved it. I knew I was getting smacked because I was being a little brat. When my boyfriend hit me because he was drunk, THAT was totally different.
Now, I'm not saying that every mother or father should smack someone around--but this issue holds a LOT of grey area. Circumstances hold a lot in this argument.
"You and I have unfinished business."
"Baby, you ain't kidding."
reply
share
clytamnestra
18 years ago
How many of you out there actually HAVE kids?
same here. i don't have kids yet, but from what i've heard a lot of parents who first made a big deal about: 'i am NEVER going to punish, let alone hit, my child, i will work purely with positive reïnforcement', find out after a few years of parenting that their child is not behaving as the 'free, giving back all the respect he gets from his parents to everyone around him, having plenty of self-respect' individual, that they had pictured their child to become(something their own parents 'abuse' had deprived them of becoming themselves), instead they find out their child behaves much better(and looks more happy) after it has been disciplined a few times.
but this issue holds a LOT of grey area.
indeed. generic statemets like: hitting children is always wrong, or:spare the rot, spoil the child are usually not enough, only if one knows the whole situation, can one say wether hitting that child was justified.
reply
share
Lex_Jude
18 years ago
I agree Clytamnestra--
I have a little boy, and sometimes I am at the store and he is crying away....I know I HAVE to be at the store to get something we need, so I can't just leave, and it is embarassing at how many people just LOOK at you with this disgusted look. Some people even have the nerve to say to me "Did you pinch him?" or "Make him stop already!!"
ANd I can tell you that is the only time I really want to slap someone. I hate it when people tell me how to raise my child when they do NOT know the whole situation. Maybe my child is sick....maybe he is tired....or maybe he is just being "bad." But I know that I will use creative punishment when my child acts up.
HOWEVER. You cannot. reason. with. a. two. year. old. period. They do not really understand "right" or "wrong" at that stage in their life. You can't say to them, "Yelling at people is wrong" "Touching the stove is a no no" and "Stealing is bad." They just act, and wait for reactions. I have a child I know. I've been to school and taken enough classes to know. So sometimes sitting them in a corner is the right punishment. Sometimes a light smack in the butt when they touch the stove is warrented. How else are they going to know? They don't KNOW they hot stove is bad. But if the touch it, and you try to reason with them, they are going to do it again because they do NOT understand.
However, spanking a 13 year old is ridiculous. They DO understand, and you can come up with other punishments.
Another thing--you can't be your child's parent AND their best friend all of the time. Sometimes you have to be mean, take things away from them and tell them how it is. That doesn't mean abuse....that means being a Mom and a Dad.
"You and I have unfinished business."
"Baby, you ain't kidding."
reply
share
mique-2
18 years ago
Nichiko are both ur parents black? That can make a difference. Even if they are, just b/c someone is a certain race that doesn't mean that they follow that culture. I don't think anyone is saying every child has 2 be spanked. There are ppl that didn't get spanked that turned good, there are people who did and they turned out great too.
reply
share
er510404
18 years ago
Why do some black people believe that every other black person has to do things just like them? Every friend I have ever had in my life, we had done some things differently. Even when we were of the same basic culture. It's normal. And even when I heard different black families talking, some were into whipping way more than others.
I think some people do deep down feel like they were abused and so to comfort themselves the say "it's a black thing." I'm not saying everyone who has ever got a spanking can classify themselves as being abused, but there are some parents who whip their kids at the slightest thing they did wrong. And those kids grow up and say "I know your momma was as mean as mine coz you black too!"
Some people overly glorify whippings. I have met real misbehaved kids who got whipped all the time. The parents who get better results in obedience are the ones who focus on the morals they instill in their children orally from an early age.
reply
share
calm
18 years ago
Many Blacks have adopted the "White" way of raring children. You may have turned out okay but for the majority of us, spankings are in order. My parents spanked me and I retired as a very successful computer geek at the age of 53. I respect my parents, the elderly and have grandchildren who are also respectful. The kid on the bus was someone else’s kid who did not have any respect. Where do you think he was going to end up with that attitude? We can agree to disagree but know both methods have worked i.e., you and me.
Be respectful of Tyler Perry's message and don't bash a movie that isn't bad or trying to be anything but funny with an excellent message of love. Focus on the message rather than the methodologies of raising children. Part of his message is it's really not okay to beat your spouse despite how you raise your kids.
reply
share
TrChSpHa
18 years ago
I'm seeing a lot of posts on here about how a woman is being abused. I haven't seen the movie yet and I don't know if I want to. I get really disturbed watching a movie where a woman is beat up by her husband, so I want to ask do you actually see Carlos (I think that's his name) hit Lisa?
Joe Eccles. ---><--- Twistan!!!.
reply
share