The Cavern. So much to say...

...and so few good things. Still, I'll try and be kind. Thar be >>SPOILERS<< here.

The set up at the beginning was okay. Likeable enough characters, kind of a shaky backstory about the death of the caver two years prior though. You'd think that they'd have worked out any unresolved issues far before then, but wow, all this emotion about it came bubbling to the surface almost immediately.

For the total production cost of US$150,000 - not too bad. Films costing 50 times that have been worse, and the performances for a bunch of relative unknowns was not as bad as it could've been. A little overdramatized perhaps, but I've seen worse.

I was also surprised to see the filmmakers steered away from using the dull blue backlighting to give the illusion of darkness but still magically being able to see.

Okay, so the set up wasn't bad and the characters were likeable - at least at the beginning - and the film wasn't bad for it's production value. That's the good that I got, and it ain't a lot.

The bad. Where to start?

First, about that production value. The moviegoer paying full price to see this isn't going to take the production value into consideration when they decide if they like this or not. They'll measure it right up there with a film that cost 40 million, they don't care that it's decent *considering the production value*. They'll want a decent movie period. Me? I caught this for free on crackle.com - and I'm glad I did.

As much as I appreciated the non-use of the blue backlighting, unfortunately this film reminded us with it's out of control dust clouds, blurred imagery and general inabilty to see anything clearly the reason that the backlighting was ever used in the first place. Sometimes a little movie magic is necessary. Real life is very often not film-friendly and sometimes needs a little help to make it look... pleasant as well as real. Film is a largely visual medium folks, and sometimes you need to tweak real life to live up to the expectations of the filmgoers. I'm not saying that I approve of backlighting in all it's forms for this sort of film, but the lack of light in combination with the jerky camera work and the sepia-style tone they used a lot of the time just made it look muddy, flat and uninteresting.

Which brings me to the jerky camera work. The unsteady-cam is not scary in and of itself, never was - and it did nothing here to increase the scare. Perhaps the filmmakers wanted the audience to feel as disoriented and confused as the cavers. Perhaps they hoped that it would lend a nightmarish quality to the film. But I gotta say that almost constant shakeycam use wasn't a good way to do it. It was distracting.

Next - the details. ie: The various reasons I couldn't swallow what they were trying to feed me.

Professional cavers would never, ever go caving without someone on the outside knowing where *precisely* they are and precisely when they are expected to return. Those "Extreme sports" types who hot-dog it out there? They get what they ask for. A real caver misses no precautions and safety is #1. Proper equipment, backups, and backups for the backups. MANY extra batteries, water, a certain amount of food, light sticks, etc.

Once the group discovered the obvious inexperience of the journalist, it would have been irresponsible to allow him on the expedition. A cave like that would require advanced caving skills and allowing a novice into a cave like that would be criminal. They all knew he was full of *beep* they should have told him to stay topside.

Again, the backstory of the dead caver two years back was too long and involved, with too many hot emotions running about it. Something like that would either tear a group apart or bring them closer togther long, long before this ocurred. It was executed a little too raggedly, too strongly, and was just a little pointless the way it came across.

Professional cavers going in wearing full makeup? I realize these are actors and not real cavers, but really. Heavy mascara and eyeliner? A good makeup artist can make them look good without looking made up. Find one.

I have never heard of a caving group entering a cave with a loaded sidearm, much less *requiring* one. Never heard of it. Which brings me to - obvious plot devices.

The gun. Necessary for the scene where they try and take a stand agaoins the Beast. But still ridiculous.

The sporadic magnetic fields that every now and then knocked out the lights and created a "power drain" in the batteries. Unnecessary and ludicrous. This isn't Star Trek with power draining fields. And even if there were a phenomenon that could do that, the audience still finds it hokey. The cavers are being hunted in a sealed cave half a mile beneath the surface, I think that's dire enough situation. The filmmakers needlessly tried to ratchet the tension up by adding some element of critical timing. It wasn't necessary.

The rope leading back was moved? *How*? Seriously, how?

Getting caught by the creature right at the cave exit?

And - the Beast.

A creature who can move in almost complete silence and is (apparently) invisible most of the time. Can move rocks that weigh a ton or more, moves about the caves in total blackness as if it's walking through a well lit room, appears in front and behind at will, is resistant to bullet wounds... and then we find out it's human? Seriously? A boy who survived a plane crash and raised himself in a cave wearing animal skins and skull? *That's* our superhuman Beast?

How - exactly - did he haul an airplane wing into the cave? Oh, wait, he can move one ton boulders, I forgot.

And the final scene - a travesty of exposition. Naked girls (covered in furs) waking in a room with a roaring fire, fresh water and evidence that explains the entire mess. Then unwittingly performing cannibalism on Gannon just before being raped by the boy-beast. It just felt like a terrible attempt by the filmmakers at throwing something horrifying at you in case (and rightly so) the rest of the film didn't get you going. Then wrapping up, credits.

I think I've ripped it apart as kindly as I can. If you're still tempted to watch this, make sure it's free and you don't have anything more important to do for 80 minutes, like laundry or re-read the classifieds. they're both more entertaining and a better use of your time.

Or better yet just get The Descent.


-Ceej