LMAO OMG 13 and 14 are HILARIOUS! Good ones! I'm SO glad someone started a list like this, they're always entertaining. I just watched this yesterday again and thought I'd contribute. :P
15) The price of your family’s safety and letting a Cult Psychopath on your property is 150$, Call NOW!
16) The consequence of using ANY special powers (such as bringing a bird to life) is always a bloody nose
17) A British guy doing an American accent saying “Harry we lost him” sounds Irish
18) Your house may be a disgusting mess but NO the yard looks like *beep* and needs raking
19) Driving two kids around after a fifteen hour shift and an obvious lack of sleep is totally safe
20) If a strange hobo shows up in your trailer don’t worry it’s just your brother who’s been missing for two years
21) Also do whatever said hobo says without reason or demanding answers
22)Brothers who haven’t seen each other in two years don’t need to hug or talk when there’s Cult Psychopaths to kill
23) No Evan, if you’re going somewhere with a shotgun you’re going after somebody to STAB them, not shoot them (sarcastic)
24) Putting up a missing sign on a tree in the middle of god damn nowhere will definitely draw attention
25) It takes 6 stabs to kill a dog
26) Always take an EMT bag on random excursions, especially if it’s bright red and you don’t want to be seen
27) A 100 year old house sure has well oiled doors, and non squeaky stairs
28) Being shot in the stomach doesn’t hurt like hell and won’t immobilize you
29) See through curtains are useless
30) Holes in staircase railings are convenient
31) Cellars are the perfect habitat for your friendly neighbourhood Cult Psychopath
32) Dog bites look like Swiss cheese
33) Reassure the man you’re saving that you’re a paramedic, he won’t freak out then
34) Bones are hypnotic little things, watch out!
35) The sun sets ooober fast when you’re on a mission
36) Break the cellar door for a dramatic entrance, don’t worry you can fix later
37) You can bring anything to life and control it by sweet talking it in hushed tones and in a foreign language
38) It takes an unprecedented amount of shotgun rounds to get a horse out of your *beep* house
39) Always keep a bowl of blood lying around in case a dead horse controlled by the Cult Psychopath inconveniently breaks your door down
40) Instead of formulating a plan to kill said Cult Psychopath and relieve the world of him after 70 years, by all means stay alive for as long as you please and feed him accordingly and THEN complain about being alive for so long
41) Calf length black leather coats are scary and badass
42) When your brother comes at you with a lethal object DUCK FAST
43) Cult psychopaths have magical time freezing powers
44) Stones give you strength, feel them up and used those hushed tones in a foreign language accordingly
45) Throwing books makes Cult Psychopaths VERY angry
46) Cult Psychopaths don’t age well and bleed honey
47) Rituals are foreplay (“It’s got to be done a certain way with a certain knife.” “You’ve got to do the same thing to me tonight.”)
48) Black paint and a Norwegian alphabet will protect you from being “sucked dry”
49) Cult Psychopath skin disappears after it’s peeled off
50) X always marks the spot (map)
51) No one wears bras nowadays
*THE WOLFMAN IS NOW MY FAVORITE MOVIE OF ALL TIME*
reply
share
14 years ago
[deleted]
KungFuVooDoo
14 years ago
61. Yes, certain odd looking symbols will keep you safe from Psycho Nazi Zombies. However, painting them on a shower curtain and wrapping it around yourself is considered unsportsmanlike like. Don't do it.
62. Despite the fact that the family has killed numerous innocent people, they still feel comfortable in playing the victim card.
63. Reanimated horse flesh can get a bit messy and rambunctious. Best to keep it outside if at all possible.
The greatest trick the Devil ever played was the one with deck of cards and...
reply
share
rrpostal
14 years ago
64) If your brother goes missing in the woods, and even though you supposedly searched "every square inch" of land around where he went missing, You should not forget to investigate the super creepy boarded-up farmhouse with very strange inhabitants and barely hidden torture areas, an obvious padlocked cellar, and bones hanging in the barn. I'd go so far as saying this should be the first place to search.
65) Always wear a summer dress and bring the kids when hanging missing signs for your husband on a random tree near the creek. (also- maybe hang one near the spooky farmhouse).
66) Surely being a paramedic you might know some police to call before setting off with a shotgun to avenge your brother at the spooky farmhouse.
67) Those wacky nazis still make some evil villains.
68) Slitting the throat of demon zombie nazis produces oatmeal?
69) I can't think of a single reason where it would be smart to stab someone in the forehead.
reply
share
crazyhellboy
12 years ago
70) They have methlabs in Romania.
I shall call him Squishy and he shall be mine and he shall be my Squishy.
reply
share
oompha
10 years ago
71) On the long, slow canoe ride to the confusing and complicated mission in which you've enlisted your clueless brother, where preparation and swift timing is of utmost importance, it's best to remain silent and avoid explaining in as much detail as possible what he's going to be dealing with and how the situation will seem like something that it is not to someone who has not been held captive and tortured for years by a seemingly innocent family, and just leave it to him to figure out all on his own on the fly and have the mission disrupted and sabotaged by as many misunderstandings as possible, even though your strategic military mind that has been trained to deal with complex, high-risk missions has been alone in a shack for years with nothing to do but plan out every detail and think of all the things you'd want to say to your family if you ever got to see them again.
reply
share